Encountering my 16 year-old self

Image from here.

1:16 AM

I spent the day doing much of nothing, all I achieved was attending class and taking a whole day to finish something that usually takes me about 2 hours to finish. And then I wasted the day refreshing Facebook and group-buying sites scouring for deals that will enable me to have a semblance of a life that I can (not really) afford.

I wanted to save some part of today, have it not be a waste. And so I decided I wanted to write something more fun – less of a task to check off my list (though I’ve been doing pretty okay in that aspect, save for the exercise and eating better). An ever present thought in my mind is that I am turning thirty in less than 2 months, and contrary to what I had imagined, I am not the success I thought I was going to be. But what am I, really?

I know there is a more comprehensive list of dreams that are lying around, but this is one that I take from when I was 16 years old. It was part of a scrapbook project for PROSEC (a personality development class) and when I had run out of album space to fill, I started writing on a sheet of paper all the unspoken dreams that I could fit into it.

Here they are:

·        I will be a consistent dean’s lister (must qualify: College, not law school)

·        I will graduate with latin honors

·        I will be able to buy myself a pager – not check, but I’ve been able to own so much more! Haha how very 90s of me to dream of a pager

·        I will learn how to drive –  I am an awesome driver!

·        I will impressively decorate my room – Needs work!

·        I will be the lead singer in a band – okay, this needs work. Maybe I can jam with a band?

·        I will find a good and God-fearing husband – hmm. A nice date to start, maybe?

·        I will be a good mother – again, let’s start with a date, any date! HELP.

·        I will be an obedient daughter – When does being obedient end?

·        I will bring my parents to wherever they want to go – okay, so not check. But there’s still time!

·        I will work for a well-known communications company – I did, until I realized how much I hated advertising

·        I will progress fast – hmm.

·        I will send and pay for my brother’s schooling – didn’t think I’d be broke till now

·        I will take up law in the college best for me – check? But I really wanted to go to the other school initially + I failed the bar

·        I will be a leader in YFC - check

·        I will get myself a blowdryer – never got one BUT bought myself an Instyler AND my parents gave me one for Christmas (pero mehn ang babaw nito haha)

·        I will get a CD player – check! Haha how funny I was at 16

·        I will team lead in a camp – never did.

·        I will star in a play – never did.

·        I will play piano – there are days when I feel like I still could.

There you go. An insight into a dream and the reality that came with it. I know there’s really no time limit. For my thirtieth birthday, I would just like to begin and approach it with an aura of gratefulness for everything that I’ve dreamed and made happened, and even those that didn’t.