Love

Image from here.

Valentine's Day was always a sour point with me, especially when I was in college and even when I was in law school; there is always this pressure that one feels whenever they are with their contemporaries (or is it just me?). When you are around people the same age as you, and who are in more or less the same circumstances, you are always made to wonder what is so wrong about you that you couldn't find someone to fall for you in that swooning, drooling way. You are made to see people in the throes of romance, holding hands in the halls, dressed up for special somewheres and you ask yourself what the hell is wrong with you. All my years in school have more or less gone that way, so much so that I have come to hate Valentine's Day and all the judgment (self-inflicted and otherwise) that came with it.

But I think so much of the (imagined) trauma comes from heightened expectations. Whether or not you are in a relationship, all of a sudden there is this urgent need to label and assess your romantic inclinations or your potential to be the recipient of such. (It amuses me that I now sound like a professor of sorts -- well, I have been analyzing my non-existent love life long enough to be an expert!) And when your current state falls short of romantic norms (and it will, because of said heightened expectations) you belittle the love that you do have in your life -- be it from family, friends, or (if you are so lucky) paramours.

I have learned that the best way to survive this holiday is to expect little, but to love more. Love yourself. Love your life. Love all the things that make you smile about your day. Love the friends you do have, love the time you have to yourself, love the space in your heart that's still open and hoping for romantic love.

This will be my last Valentine's day as a twenty-something, and I will be celebrating it alone as I always have. I am not (no longer) bitter about not having found love yet; and I have stopped blaming myself for all my perceived faults and shortcomings. For now, I am secure in the idea that I spend my days trying to be the kind of person that I want to become -- Hopeful. Always striving for the future -- for something better. Striving but at the same time grateful enough to celebrate what I do have now. I have family, who, though they show it in the strangest of ways, love me and care for my welfare. I have friends who celebrate who I am now, but who also believe in who I can become. I have myself, and (finally) the awareness that I have today to be alive and to make what I can of it. So while I dream of romantic love, I will not be bitter if it doesn't come. Every day, alone or with someone, is a gift.

Image from here.

 
P.S. 
Spent the earlier part of the day watching The English Patient for my Brit-Lit class (it was so good!), the middle part of the day reading and writing and letting people I love know that I love them, and then spending tonight with high school girlfriends for our annual Valentine's Day dinner (an event which we have been doing since we were 13 year old freshmen!) My life is full, and for that, I feel blessed. Hope you realize how full of love your life is too!