deng: so.... i am online.
deng:
sophia: aaaaahhhh...
sophia: this was a fun night
deng: it was a good night.
deng: my palm's are always itching lately
sophia: how different is fun from good?
deng: dunno why.
sophia: maybe it means you will come across a....
sophia: hand fungus.
sophia:
deng: i was agreeing when i said it was a good night. ..it was an add on.
deng: happy evening.
sophia: ah. okay
sophia: i thought we were comparing levels
deng: sophie...
sophia: yes candice?
sophia: lemme guess...
sophia: you LOVE my name.
deng: i'm having this... itch in my.. system. like... i wanna ...hmm.. could it be, "WORK" na? something like that.
deng: i guess it's a good thing.. that i actually "want" to work na..
deng: but it's more of... i want to have my own life na. find and form my own.. identity..life.. lam mo yun?? yon.
deng: serious thoughts attacks..
sophia: it could be.
sophia: i think though, that your identity now is not a problem at all. its quite brilliant if i may say so myself
deng: like, i'm actually getting scared of being too dependent sa parents ko. like i feel like it's not such a healthy thing.
deng: ..awwww......
deng: thanks.
deng:
sophia:
sophia: here are my thoughts on that: i think, your parents love you too much to see your being dependent on them as a burden. plus, they see naman how happy you are. and its not like naghihirap kayo or anything. i think, its because YOU love them too much kaya you don't want them to think na youre overextending your welcome. and you want to give them more reasons to be proud of you maybe?
sophia: at saka, wanting to be independent is never a bad thing naman eh.
deng: yes.
deng: super right.
sophia: are you still there candice?
deng: yeah but on being independent, it's like... i don't see myself being allowed to be independent by my mom. even if maybe she doesn't mean to. parang, she wants me to get a job, but she won't let me drive, and yung mga GUSTO ko talaga (ex. wwf) hindi siya super happy about it. she wants me to be successful para daw pag namatay siya or something stable na ko. pero hindi naman niya ko binibigyan ng "freedom" to be doing things on my own. parang, i feel as long as i'm in this house, being fed and supported by my father and mother.... i can never really ..explore and do the things i really want.
deng: ang haba.
deng: hihi!
deng: dunno if it makes sense. ..pero yun lang feeling ko.
deng:
sophia: hmm...
sophia: ganyan din naman ang feeling ko.
deng: so is it just a phase then?
deng: will this itch go away?
deng: can we live together na lang?
sophia: yung dad ko, he was never really supportive of my move to advertising last year, kasi feeling niya mas masusuportahan ako ng law profession, especially when he passes it on to me.
sophia: i was always resentful of that, until now.
sophia: kasi nakikita ko na totoo.
sophia: in your case, alam ko na hindi ganun.
sophia: still there?
Yahoo! Messenger: flyt_dengue has logged back in. (4/13/04 12:30 AM)
deng: hindi ganun what?
deng: sorry nag-loko ym, nadsicon.
sophia: kasi the field you want to explore is not as lucrative as advertising even.
sophia: siguro, nakikita lang ng mom mo na hindi kasi siya stable na field.
deng: o nga. my mom kasi likes yung mga networks, advertising, etc,etc.. parang kasi mas pwedeng ipagmayabang na type.
sophia: i know na hindi naman nagmamatter sayo talaga yung income as long as you love the work.
deng: e... ayoko dun e!
sophia: kaya lang, siguro iniisip lang din niya, papano na lang niyan pag wala na sila to back you financially? siyempre gusto nila na you will always have the comforts youre experiencing now.
deng: i sense that it bothers my mom that i don't care about the money. parang i feel na sa kanya feeling niya na hindi ako mabubuhay sa ganun. yeah, you're right na hindi kasi stabel tignan.
deng: the comforts na sinanay samin.
sophia: i dont think naman na yung tipong "yabang career" lang yung important sa mom mo. i think, more than that aspect, yung providing part that comes with the career is what she's worried about.
sophia: kasi, admittedly naman, it really doesn't pay well diba?
sophia: i think, if zoology paid well, hindi nga magiging issue yun eh.
sophia: i think she's just really worried about your well-being more than anything.
deng: yup.
deng: exactly.
sophia: gusto niya secure siya in the thought na pag wala na sila you will always have what you have now.
deng: yung providing part that comes with the career is what she's worried about. <- dizizit.
deng: but for me kasi... i can survive without all these extra things that i have now. like i could honestly live sa probinsya type of living e. parang.. hmmm.. napagod ako bigla mag-explain. hihi
deng: basta yon.
deng: yun nga. you're right.
deng: e so what should i do???
deng:
sophia: hmm.
sophia: siguro, you can try to experiment muna.
sophia: total, were young pa naman diba?
sophia: maybe, what you could do is enter a more stable career (that you could actually see yourself in), and then do the zoology thing on the side.
sophia: tipong, prod or content providing.
sophia: and then see how you can handle it.
sophia: like what i did when i opted not to take law muna.
sophia: i wanted to check out advertising, check out grad schools sa US, try to live there for a while, para alam ko talaga what i was saying no to.
sophia: kasi baka iniisip ng mom mo youre sayng no to those things without even trying. kaya hindi siya masyado supportive of your other causes.
sophia: if you really dont like it you could always quit naman eh.
deng: hmmmm...
sophia: siguro, the bottomline is you should find a way to apply yourself din na will provide more regularly. it doesnt even have to be prod, it can be business, it can be events, ikaw bahala.
deng: hmmm.
deng: ..
sophia: that way, you still have time to volunteer for your causes.
deng: hmmm...
sophia: kasi, if gusto mo naman talaga, makakahanap at makakahanap ka ng time
deng:
sophia: am i helping? making sense?
deng: i thought of that before.. kasi yung renting and providing video service na serious, you can really earn alot from it. tapos since sariling time ko, i could still do what i really love/want to do. ..pero iniisip ko pa lang e ayoko na!! is that normal?? parang dismayado na ko agad, parang pagod na ko kagad iniisip ko pa lang yung nag-vivideo ng mga events-events na wala namang saysay. duh. normal ba yun??
deng: yes, sophie, you're helping alot. i think i shall print this chat after.
deng: oh wait, sira pala printer ko. shet.
sophia: well, think of it this way. those jobs naman are what will allow you to have time for volunteering (what you really care for), parang the end justifies the means
deng: hmm..
deng: sometimes kasi i just think na life is too short to be doing things that you don't love.
sophia: second, kunyari you shoot events that may mean nothing to you personally (but indirectly, you share in the joy of the ones who will watch it, you help contribute to their happiness. and you get to capture it pa on film for all eternity)
deng: might die tomorrow and i'll end up doing nothing.
sophia: kaya mo nga isasabay diba?
sophia: para youre not really doing nothing.
sophia: i used to think that way din eh, but the reality is, when we start, we really cannot survive doing just the stuff we love.
sophia: are you still there deng?
sophia: am sorry. am i upsetting you with the stuff ive been saying na?
sophia: am just trying to put myself in your mom's shoes din, so you can maybe see stuff na you werent noticing before, or something?
BUZZ!!!
deng: still here!! no,no.... you're reeeeeally helping.
deng: i know naman din the points of my mom... i know i have to do a few sacrifices din naman... and stuff. yeah... i just.. need to hear it from someone else.
sophia: am glad then
sophia: ako rin, ganyan mag-isip.
sophia: pero now at least, im willing to work hard for it na.
deng: what do you want?
sophia: i see it as...preparing to put myself in a better position to help
deng: neat.
sophia: do you remember i said i wanted to be really rich?
sophia: so i could put up foundations, half-way houses, scholarships, etc.
sophia: a library!
deng: i just want to travel. be around the environment more.
deng: that's what i want.
sophia: and to travel too!
sophia: as in i reeeeaaaalllly wanna travel.
sophia: pero now, i cant afford to eh.
sophia: but when im a lawyer i will be able to.
sophia: and i will be able to help din while im still saving for all these things if i do pro bono
sophia: so i see that as my target for now.
deng: hmm.....
deng: i think...
deng: i'm confused as ever.
deng:
sophia: i think, until we die we will never be completely clear
sophia: i think we ARE supposed to be confused. bombarded with choices!
sophia: its the way God intended it! to show us how many roads we can take! how many shoes and lives we can try on! its all up to our imaginations!
sophia: kasi if everything were clear right away, life would be pretty boring. we'd be in a hurry to die and get out of it
deng: don't know which road to take..
deng: i wanna take them all!
sophia: you can take them all! all you have to do is start with one deng
sophia: just choose one first, and see where it leads you...
deng: k,k... but still don't know which.. hmm.. k.
sophia: until you take one you will never know diba? staying on the offsides waiting for the perfect opportunity isnt the key.
sophia: it doesnt have to be the right choice. i think our youth can afford us that.
deng: *nods head*
sophia: trail and error till we're forty!
deng: ok ok
sophia: forty centuries old
deng: but i hate trial and error..
deng: not that kinda person kasi e.. hmm.. maybe i should be..
sophia: life is trial and error
deng: hmm..
sophia: i think ha.
sophia: para lang yan nung nag-arki ka.
sophia: tapos nagbroad, tapos, nagfilm. trial and error.
deng: just gets ... crazier when you're older..
deng: though we are still young.
sophia: its not a bad thing. its what gets us to the better choices
deng: k.. but you are right sophie.. just..
deng: i think i'm just realizing now that kahit hindi ako pinipressure ng parents ko or anything, dahil dun napepressure ako. parang tuloy nawawalan ako ng patience sa buhay ko.
deng: but
sophia: dahil saan?
sophia: i think you have such a wonderful life nga eh! lagi kita kinukwento sa dad ko, pramis
deng: anyway, the good thing is that i'm excited to go looking for a job na. a future. though i'm still thinking of vet school. pero am genuinely excited of the future..
deng:
sophia: aaahhh...what are the possibilities na youre thinking of exploring?
deng: i do have a wonderful life and am SUUUUUUUUPER grateful. maybe it's just the sense of.. being independent is what i'm looking for. having to call things my own.
deng: coz of ME. coz of MY hard work.
deng: ganun.
sophia: ayun na nga! you're all set then! the search is on! bring out the shoes!
sophia: lady candice shall try them on!!!
BUZZ!!!
deng: hehe.. size 8 please. or 7. merci! merci! hihi! ....i have na places to visit when i get back from surigao. ..wwf,lakbay tv kahit abs,
sophia: madame sophia and lady candice and duchess czarevna
sophia: hihihi.
deng: UN
sophia: abs will wonder whose aura is brightening their halls
deng: environment broadcast circle.. lam mo yun?
sophia: go! go! go! am so excited for you! and i will support you all the way!
deng: yeah.. i will revolutionize lakbay and bring all those wealthy caucasians to our heavenly shores.
sophia: hindi ko alam yung environment broadcast circle
deng: browsed it sa web. tapos one of the heads si chin-chin gutierrez.
deng: wala lang.
sophia: oooh. chin chin.
sophia: hmm. i hear mixed reviews about her.
sophia: but if she can be behind such a worthy cause...
deng: o nga e.. parang eccentric siya
deng: talagang eccentric pala
sophia: sabi kasi ng theater people, maldita daw siya sobra eh.
deng: kakaiba.. activist na sosyal na ..feeling ko moody.. na masungit.
sophia: she did this one play with dulaang up.
deng: hihi!
deng: oooooh, wanna learn how to dive?
sophia: hihihi. kinda like "prostitute/serial killer/lesbian"
deng: yeah!! haha!!
sophia: sure! im up for learning as long as its within my capabilities
deng: i_am_a_lesbian_prostitue_serial_killer@yahoo.com.
deng: i want kasi to learn!!!
sophia: hihihi. i think...this is the yahoo winner!
sophia: saan tayo mag-aaral?
deng: kanina i asked yung sa padi sa powerplant. P11,500. 8-10 hours lecture, then 3 sessions sa pool, then yung outing dive na sa ANILAO.
sophia: oooh. magpapaalam ako.
deng: it can be all over and we'll be certified divers in a week.
deng:
deng: but then.... ayaw ng mom ko.
deng: pero i'll force it upon her!
deng: hihi!
sophia: cool! its not the cheafest in makati though
deng: oh no it certainly ain't cheaf!
sophia: hihihi ;D
deng:
sophia:
deng: just wanted to hug you
sophia: am glad we had this talk!
deng: me too.
deng: thanks.
sophia: thanks too! and you're welcome
sophia: what are you thinking candice?
deng: i'm thinking i've a long ways to go..
sophia: we all do! youve got so many to your credit na nga eh!
sophia: kaya yan!
deng:
deng: what credit...
deng: huwa?
sophia: i mean, hindi ka pa nagsisimula, marami ka na agad bankable pieces of work.
deng: yes....kaya yan. it's a pretty funky crazy adventure.
sophia: your award-winning thesis...howie severino's text, all those per project basis na racket...lahat yan nafa-factor in.
sophia: you're an ARTISTE waiting to be discovered!
sophia: lahat pag-aagawan ka if you show interest im sure
deng: those things..they feel empty though. dunno...maybe not. but still grateful.
deng: thanks...
sophia: hmm. basta remember what we talked about.
deng: i will conquer the world!!!!!!!
deng:
sophia: they may seem empty, but they are your ticket to being on the way to doing what you truly love!
sophia: we shall conquer the UNIVERSE!
sophia: like she-ra and he-man
sophia: masters of the universe!
deng: yes.. we shall. it is ours for the taking..to rise above our heads and bring it to heaven.
deng: huh?! hihi! basta yon.
sophia: mali-mali ba ang cartoon trivia ko.
deng: tama,tama.. ako si she-ra!
sophia: akala ko dun yun. diba si he-man...master of the universe?
sophia: hihihi...so ako si he-man
deng: hi, he-man sopho.
deng:
deng:
sophia: i am a lesbian_prostitue_serial killer
deng: _dominatrix.
sophia: ah, but of course!
deng: yun yung version mo. may DOMINATRIX na dagdag.
sophia: WA-PAK!!!
deng: meeeeeeeeeeOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!! prrrrrrrrrrrrr.......
deng: hihi!
sophia: hihihi.
sophia: yeeeps!
sophia: my dad is threatening to shut the pc down na!
deng: hehe
deng: ok!
sophia: ipepaste ko pa ito sa blog to document it now and forevermore
sophia:
deng: thanks again spohie..
deng: super.
deng: SUPER.
sophia: good night candice!
deng:
sophia: ako rin. i mean it!
deng: good night.
sophia: have a fantastic sleep
deng: you too!
sophia: and, wonderful dreams that you will remember in the morning, and every time to wish to remember
deng: oooh, maybe i should post it sa blog ko din. for more! :
deng:
sophia: i read it in your blog
deng: awww,thanks!!
deng: that would be fantastic.
sophia: yes, it would.
deng: thanks, thanks.
sophia: lets talk about dreams next time
sophia: good night deng!
sophia: MWAH!
deng: ok.
deng: mwah!
sophia: aluvyatilltheend!!!
deng: i love you till hugs go extinct.
sophia: aluvyatilltheend!!!
deng: hug! hug! hug!
deng: john lennon rules!!!!!!!!
deng: hihi!
deng: k.
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