music and lyrics

This seems to be how I've been getting by lately. I've been occupying my time finding soundtracks for my days and words to live by. In my cloistered hermit-like state, I find that it is words and music that have sustained me through these long days of wondering.

These past two weeks have been a blur, thanks in part to a surprise trip to Davao with good friends and unfortunately, to the passing of a loved one. Around these very different events, what bound them together was my writing. I had to double up on the writing to be able to pay for the trip, and then when I came back I was asked to write the eulogy for an aunt that passed away. How ironic it is that it's in writing about her death that I am reminded of how I am alive, and how I should be doing more with my days. And so from my self-induced social coma, I somewhat came alive in the need to honor her life with words.

This is a welcome development considering that I have been uncomfortably close to feeling very much like the heroine in my book of the moment, Madame Bovary. I was becoming a little bit bothered by how I empathized with her boredom with her own life, that she could only feel alive by physically engaging herself, beginning with holding fire-hot tongs, to swathing herself in expensive fineries, to sleeping with men she found more fascinating than her husband. It is funny how I thought of these things while climbing up a mountain trail on the back of somebody's motorcycle, without a helmet no less, holding on for dear life. It was one of the many modes of transportation in Davao called the 'habal habal'. With my hair flowing behind me, my skin cooled by the mountain air, my fingers digging into the shoulders of the strange man driving the motorcycle, it was certainly the most alive I felt in a long time. I worried that I would be overcome by the desire to swathe myself in silk and bed strange men. I kid of course. (I hope.)

But in truth, I feel the same amount of aliveness when I read compelling words or hear good music, even as I pass my days just sitting and writing in front of the computer. I've been writing down several that I've found fascinating, and in a way, the beauty of how the words are put together makes me feel privileged to have read them. Here are some of my favorites:

"Part of the blessing and the challenge of being human is that we must discover our own true God-given nature. This is not some noble, abstract quest but an inner necessity. For only by living in our own element can we thrive without anxiety. And since human beings are the only life form that can drown and still go to work, the only species that fall from the sky and still fold laundry, it is imperative that we find that vital element that brings us alive...the true vitality that waits beneath all occupations for us to tap into, if we can discover what we love. If you can feel energy and excitement and a sense that life is happening for the first time, you are probably near your God-given nature. Joy in what we do is not an added feature; it is a sign of deep health." - Mark Nepo, Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want By Being Present to the Life You Have

"Cliche is, in a sense, the purest art of intelligibility; it tempts us with the possibility of enclosing life within beautifully inalterable formulas, of obscuring the arbitrary nature of imagination with an appearance of necessity. Thus, the drifting of imagination among its unaccountable fancies is checked not by the adherence of words to reality, but by the ideal unreality of a language which disciplines the mind by making it merely predictable." - Leo Bersani, Madame Bovary: An Introduction

"When passion feels so out of reach, curiosity can be a calming diversion." - Elizabeth Gilbert, on passion

"Nobody trips on mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain." John Maxwell, Your Roadmap to Success

And then, for when I am out of words I find myself calmed by music. It has been such a random sampling ranging all the way from Pearl Jam to alternatives like Spoon and Sam Isaacs to French country music, which is my latest love. Yesterday, I spent the whole afternoon in thought, half-pretending I was in St. Tropez sipping cocktails on the beach. Here are some of my favorites:







Even though I can't understand the words, just listening to the music makes me feel like running through a meadow or finding someone to hold hands with. I am grateful that I have both words and melodies to keep me company, and to make me feel alive.