I was asked to write a tribute to her from our clan, to be read the night before her burial. Because there were too many from our family who wanted to speak about how great she was, we decided to encapsulate it all in one tribute. Writing it was my contribution, my little way of helping celebrate her life and her legacy.
I've written many things, but in my 28 years, this is the first time I wrote a eulogy. I thought it would be extremely difficult. But having such a vibrant subject, so beloved by all made it easier. There were too many wonderful memories, in fact. The difficulty came only when one remembers that there will be no new memories to be had with her. So as a way of remembering, here is my tribute to our beloved Tita Mel.
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For Ate Mel
If there is one word which could sum up who Ate Mel was as a person, I think that word would be grace. Tita Mel was grace personified. She was very beautiful physically, but more than that, it was the way she carried herself and lived her life that made her all the more beautiful. And believe me, it is hard to remain graceful in a clan full of feisty Kapampangans where you need to up your speaking voice by several decibels just to be heard. Indeed, our beloved Ate Mel brought some much needed grace to our rowdy clan.
In the same way that the word grace takes on many meanings, so did Ate Mel play different roles in the lives of the many members of the Nulud clan. She came into our lives with such ease that it feels almost impossible to remember how it felt like before she was a part of it. Even though we aren’t related to her by blood, she was very much a part of the family, even before she officially became Mrs. Nulud. Belle, her youngest sister-in-law remembers her fondest memory of her Ate Mel, which was when they visited her as a young girl in the Girl Scouts camp in Manila. It is very hard to make an impression on a child who grew up with 11 strong personalities, but in just that first meeting Ate Mel’s caring and nurturing personality won the devotion of her future husband’s little sister. And she has only continued to grow in grace since then.
As with grace, Tita Mel has continued to exercise love and kindness to all members of the family without fail. As a wife, her sisters-in-law remember how supportive and encouraging she was to their brother. Ate Ginn remembers how in the tougher years of their marriage, Ate Mel would get teary-eyed every time Kuya Noel would come walking home from the Church, because he had stopped to pray to God in order to be able to provide better for their family. She was faithful to her God, and she was grateful to Him for providing her with a husband who knew how to kneel before God. In the good times, as in the bad, she was never spiteful, never calculating, never withholding with her love - she loved him completely, unconditionally.
As with grace, Tita Mel had an inherent excellence about her; she was a natural at everything she did. As both a CPA and a Medical Technician, she was accomplished, to be sure, but as a mother, she was brilliant. We all saw how gracefully Tita Mel raised her five boys to be the great men they are today. Their persons are all a testament to her hard work and her prayers. They are not only all smart and good looking like her, but you need only to look at how they carried themselves around her to see how great a job she did. Her sons are loyal, respectful, mild-mannered and loving. They are the kind of men people wish their daughters would meet.
As with grace, Tita Mel constantly bestowed favor on our family. As a sister-in-law marrying into an oversized family, she never resented the fact that there were always too many of us to give presents to. She always relished being part of our big family by saying ‘masaya din siya kasi marami rin ang magbibigay ng regalo sa kanya’. She was always positive in that way. She was always generous with her time, constantly traveling to Manila all the way from Masantol in order to be part of our many family milestones. In difficult times, her sisters-in-law would often go to her first, ahead of their own brother because they knew she welcomed opportunities to help others whenever she could. Ate Fely, our oldest sister remembers the time she helped their family by allowing them to live in their home in San Sebastian, and by giving them the rice subsidy she got when Kuya Abel lost his job. Hindi siya maramot, hindi siya makwenta. With her, you never felt like you were overextending your welcome. She never belittled anyone who asked her for help, even when it was not easy for her to give it.
As with grace, Tita Mel had an easy elegance of manners. In all the family gatherings we have spent with her, we never once saw her not fixed, not composed. Dette, her eldest niece, remembers how the word glamorous always came to mind whenever she saw her Tita Mel walk into a room. She always made an effort to look her best, yet in spite of her obvious beauty she remained one of our most approachable Titas. She was the perfect example of good breeding, which admittedly, we all had a lot to learn about, rough around the edges as we all were. We never saw her lose her temper or speak badly about anyone. She was always very thoughtful and very doting. Bigay hilig siya lagi. She knew each one of us by name, and knew all of our likes and dislikes. During the highly anticipated Masantol town fiestas, even before anyone could ask, she would already wrap and set aside each of our favorite foods for us to bring home. As you can see, even with the little things, she never failed to put her mark in each of our lives.
As with grace, Ate Mel never forgot to give thanks. She thanked our family for taking care of her children when they came here for their schooling. She thanked her nieces for being the sisters her sons never had. She was also very gracious. She always knew what to say in order to make you feel comfortable. Even when she was sick and we would visit her in the hospital, she always put the comfort of her visitors before her own. She would tirelessly ask if we were okay, never letting on that she was in pain, if she could. She always wanted everyone to be at ease around her.
It is bittersweet that today is one of the few family reunions that our beloved Ate Mel is not with us. Each of us here feels the emptiness that her absence brings. But we must all take comfort in knowing that she has gone ahead to a better place. After so many years of bringing warmth and comfort to our family, it is now her turn to be comfortable, resting at the feet of her God.
I read somewhere that ‘To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die,’ and I think this is truest today. Today, as we mourn the loss of our beloved Ate Mel, we must honor her life by trying to live our own with a little more grace. So let us all sit up a bit straighter, treat each other a little milder, and conduct ourselves with a little more kindness and refinement. Let our lives be a celebration of the lessons of grace that Ate Mel has taught us.
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