miracles

i have to admit that i am always very cynical when it comes to miracles. Though I have been extremely blessed by most standards, I don't believe that I have ever encountered a true-blue, hard-core miracle in my life. Except for the time when I was dragged by the car for a few feet and I emerged unscathed.

I wonder if the absence of miracles in my life is due to the fact that I stopped looking for them, or if it is because I am in fact being punished for my cynicism. The other day I was talking with a friend of mine and we agreed on the idea that God is not a vengeful, punishing God who will smite you with bad fortune if you decide to "go against His teachings" as proclaimed in the Bible.

I do know, on some level, that somehow, somewhere along the way I stopped trying. Why have I become so scared to even try? Today, I was thinking about that and I realized that I have gotten to that level of fear where my fear hinders me from even trying. Because I am so fearful of everything. Of failure. Of mediocrity. Of judgment.

I know I do not want to define myself by my fears. Maybe this is the miracle I have been waiting for.