crossing the thin line from humbled to humiliated

there are only 2 times that i've cried about law school.

the first one was when i discovered that i had to retake my oblicon oral after getting flustered in the middle of my first one. the second was today.

today, i cried about a really really botched up recit in an elective, of all things. an elective that i absolutely positively did not have to take, but chose to. what can you say to console yourself when you read and reread an article and then you flub it up in recit by getting in your own way, getting flustered and then proceeding to act like the biggest stupidest blubbering fool alive?

there were kind strangers who helped, but what does it say about a person who needs help digesting something that simple? to me it kind of said...maybe you really aren't supposed to be here. going out of class, it was like having to do a walk of shame, trying not to fall to pieces. i felt a bit like a person with leprosy. no one dared talk to me lest my stupidity was contagious. i was a bit surprised to discover that the stinging in my eyes was because i was crying while i was driving. it feels really lonely now in law school.

i keep saying that i get humbled by so many brilliant minds around me when i am in school, even when i cannot be one of them, but today, i just felt really, really humiliated.