the thing about unfortunate days is that they never seem to end. today is the perfect example. woke up and put on the most comfortable shirt i owned, seeing as to how the exam would be long and i wanted to be comfortable.
i go down, and whilst hurriedly chomping on the cereal as i cram facts, my mother takes one look at me and says "i dont know if its that shirt but youre looking extremely fat from where im sitting."
this is exactly what i need to boost my pre-exam morale.
the thing about mothers is that they keep on repeating things like that under the idea that they are helping you get motivated. yesterday my mother mistook me for my father ( and this is no complement at all. my father is over 200lbs.) whilst my back was to her while i was downloading files to study. and it was no treat. to be mistaken for a 52 year old 200 lb man is not my idea of a happy complement so close to my birthday.
we talk about the day that is to be my birthday - and how i cannot celebrate it. all year i was looking forward to my birthday and how wonderfully i will celebrate it this year. but, as i predicted earlier during the sem, the professors found a way to bite me in the ass. we are having all my exams on the week, and the weekend, of my birthday. i cant even celebrate on the weekend after! or the weekend after that!
i get to the school and everyone else seems to know more than me. i cannot answer questions, and i cannot for the life of me remember the whole 1000+ pages i read of reyes. after the exam,there is the sinking feeling one gets from taking a multiple choice exam that one wishes were an essay exam instead. how could i remember the answers now that i am no longer taking the blasted test?
the thing about multiple choice exams is that unless you're the one who made the choices, the answer will never seem clear to you. students, the best ones at that, will never be mind readers. there isnt even room to qualify one's answers. and scoring high on a multiple choice exam is not determinative of one's brilliance.
obviously i dont think i did well at all.
to cheer myself up went to kenny rogers to buy comfort food. lots of it. and amidst deciding whether to get mac and cheese or chicken and macaroni salad, to put on the side of my rib and chicken, i run into a guy friend and a very thin girlfriend, scantily clad in things i will never fit into. all this when my hair is matted to my head and my feet are dusty in my slippers (not havaianas).
the thing about meeting the girlfriends of guy friends is that you are painfully reminded of why you are alone. of why guys like him are friends and why girls like you are galpals instead of girlfriends. you see this standard of perfection that you couldnt possibly meet.
the thing about birthdays is that while you do get to survive another year of life on earth, you are reminded of every goal you set for yourself that you didn't get to meet. again.
on my way to 23 and none the wiser. as john mayer said, "i wish i were six again."
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