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i seem to be doing a lot of complaining. today, i sort of finished what i was supposed to do. for the first time. of course, finished is different from mastered, but i suppose that will have to do for now.

the other day, a friend texted me saying that if i was just going to spend the time i had in law complaining about it, then i might as well just quit.

what's weird is, i love law school. i really do. well, most parts of it. i love waking up and dressing up to go to school. i love talking to my blockmates early in the morning. i love that theyre all so smart. i love that im given responsibility for my class. i love that we always eat lunch together after class. i even love that time we spend at the lib photocopying all of the readings we have to tackle.

what i don't love is me. not understanding the stuff. me in the mornings, feeling like im about to shrivel up and die. because i dont know what i can recite.

hooboy. if im complaining, its not because im not happy where i am. its because i want so badly to stay, but i'm not sure i have it in me to survive the throng.

and in the periphery, i keep thinking of all these things i COULD be doing without much difficulty apart from law. where i could be seen as brilliant. i feel as if i might be taking the long road to the ocean, and if i dont hurry up, i might miss the ship.

where am i supposed to go?