i seem to be saying holy cows a lot more often. and DEADS. maybe its because i miss deng. and everyone else. and im quite annoyed because phone has not AT ALL BEEN USEFUL since this friday. no texting, no calling. i wanna be annoyed but i cant. my dad forgot to pay eh. so till wednesday, medyo walang texting for me. i feel lost in this textless world.
hmm.
last night went out with my high school barkada for dinner. we ate at moomba and talking to them just got me thinking on how much we've changed since high school. funnily, i was the one who had changed the most. we were probably the most HOMOGENOUS barkada ever. we acted the same, dressed the same, liked the same things. i remember we talked about this one time when we went out to dinner with our friends from la salle, and how funny i thought it was that both of them were dressed in EXACTLY THE WAY THEY DID more than 5 years ago. what with their preppy 3/4 shirts and preppy cardigans. and me standing out in my indian guru garb over jeans. hehehe. nothing bad about it, just funny. i dont even remember when i began to dress this way. we were talking about their boyfriends and laughing about the fact that back in junior year, when we had a bet on who would get a boyfriend first, i was the girl with the most money on her. and now, am the only one without one. funny. and what feels great about it is that, IT'S OKAY!!! i like being alone like this now. i like that i just date everyone else around me. i like that i don't feel the need to be attached.
i'm not averse to the idea though. i just like that i'm not needing it right now.
i wanted to hug joanne yesterday when she began talking about how indispensable she thought he was. it was weird for me to see her that way eh.
and kathy changed quite a bit too. though not so much, but i always thought she was pretty perfect the way she was. bubbly and happy and easily pleased. i love the way she's like that.
early in the afternoon, had lunch with the block and found it quite amazing that i feel so attached to some of them alreasy. the truth is, thinking about not being with them is what makes me study. its them i will miss if ever i decide to leave law.
i feel like mel and i are sort of kindred. am just about as lost as her in this messed up world of law school.
and i feel like i want to take care of rosanne. she seems like her guard is always up kasi she's afraid that people are out to hurt her. i wish i could help her open up and see the goodness in people.
even my Über classmates who never miss a reading and who know our lessons by heart, i somehow feel attached to. i wish my mind was as predisposed to law as theirs were.
in the afternoon, i got a text from skipp asking me to go to an alumni meeting, which i couldn't go to, and to which i couldn't reply to. but i missed him too. sitting in starbucks and devising ways to make him stop smoking. i wish we could do that again.
it seems i should just change the column to PEOPLE I MISS AND WHAT I MISS ABOUT THEM. because now i started missing bri too. our talks and giggles over starbucks cuties and non-cuties. and our conversations when we were both just single and feeling as clueless as ever.
and another person i miss so much is loys. i remember the days when just seeing her would make me feel better already. i don't know if she knows that but she has that effect on me. now there are so many things i can't talk to her about anymore. kasi our worlds have become so detached from one another.
maybe it's just my old life i just miss. the days when i thought law school was where i was really headed, and where what i had in my head was always enough information to take to class. and where groups of friends could always be called upon for comfort food over great conversations.
sometimes, no, all the time, i wonder if this is ever worth it. i wish i knew the answers.
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