one week after starting law school, and one week of my mom obviously seeing that i haven't been going to the gym, i have come across these things that i will never be able to do as a fat girl, according to the decrees my mom has set out:
walk into a room without being it being said that:
"ay, ang laki niya..."
"alam mo, maganda ka sana..."
"anong nangyari???"
"o ito, napabayaan sa kusina!"
"ayan, panganay ko. ang taba diba?"
according to my mom, to finish law school and become a lawyer. in her exact words,
"anong klaseng abogado ka if hindi mo man lang mapapayat ang sarili mo?"
and
"mabuti nga sigurong bumagsak ka at matanggal sa up nang hindi mo gamiting excuse ang pag-aaral para hindi mag-exercise."
look into a mirror without feeling like i've somehow killed myself.
look into a mirror without thinking in the back of my head how someone might be cringing at the sight of me.
introduce my friends to my mother without her telling me in front of them how fat i am, or without her trying to convince my friend to tell me how grotesque i actually look.
buy clothes that i really want.
genuinely feel pretty.
wear a bikini. ever.
walk confidently into a room and actually feel like i belong.
live, eat, and breathe.
i just wish it didn't matter that i was fat. even if only for just one day. it takes away all of the joy im supposed to be having.
all of my happy memories this week have somehow left me.
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