A beautiful blur

Sometimes life goes by deliciously fast

Life went by rather quickly in 2014. I haven't had time to sit down and take stock of every thing that's taken place. Life swept me off my feet so grandly, and if I am never swept away by any kind of love affair in my lifetime, I will look upon 2014 and still feel that life has given me enough.

Open eyes, Open heart

A couple of months ago, I was offered a wonderful opportunity. If I accepted it, I would be paid to go around 5 cities in the Philippines to interview members of Amnesty International for an advocacy video that my friend was producing. The only problem was that I would have to miss nearly two weeks of school. I tossed and turned about it, feeling so conflicted about what my focus was. Was it school? Was it life? Was it necessarily one or the other?

In my journal, while trying to decide, I wrote:

"But isn't truly living and having outstanding memories a better pay-off than (just) being successful? Still at the forked road and I still cannot seem to decide. At some point in my life story, I know that I will have to choose: to jump off the bridge and see if I will fall or fly - maybe now is the time?"

I jumped. And I flew. And oh, the things I saw!

Taking in the sights (and bites!) of Cebu!!!

Clockwise: Me in front of the one of the Sto. Nino Church, a curious (and surprised!) couple at the park, setting up audio for the interviews, Deng running in front of the Fort San Pedro, Zubuchon!, and Deng's "pig" face

Lovely Dumaguete

Clockwise: One of our delicious seafood dishes in Lab-as, us walking around the Silliman grounds, a strange   but lovely bench along the boardwalk, three old men who reminded me of my dad (and a shipwreck!), the idyllic boardwalk view

the charming Silliman University in Dumaguete

Colorful Zamboanga

Clockwise: the beautiful and architecturally interesting airport, the super-funky trike and the very demure ladies of Zambo, a knickerbocker during sunset by the beach, Zamboanga sunset, me and deng looking stoked, Curacha!!!, and the top of the Zamboanga City Hall

Sights from Cagayan de Oro and Davao

I wish I had more photos of Davao and Cagayan de Oro! I don't know why I don't. Baaaahhh.

Easily the best decision I've made all year. Here's to bigger, bolder leaps!

Lessons learned from leaping

I wrote this in my journal while in one of my favorite writing spots: the CAL (College of Arts and Letters) Library. I had been meaning to post it much earlier, but after the time I spent running around for this project, I became consumed with making up for my many absences. But I did catch up, quite well actually :) I am grateful for that too -- and it merits its own post.

March 1, 2012 11:25 AM CAL Library

And so I am back home after the whole jet-setting life of jumping in and out of planes and running in and out of different places so quickly -- I loved meeting the inspiring people that we met. I wish I could have been less conscious of myself and more engaging with them -- I know that this is something that I have to work on.

I do feel at home here in the CAL Library, and I've come to appreciate the time when I sit here and write and ponder on my life. While there are so many other questions to answer, I celebrate that for the meantime, I have found a place where I can run to and be uninterrupted with my thoughts -- without the fear of being scolded or judged with how I am living my life.

But there are so many lessons that I learned from this trip, culled from all the great people that I've met.

From Deng: I learned that you should believe in yourself, in your value as a person, believe that you are as cool or as boring as you allow yourself to be. I also learned that true friends listen to you and are concerned about your life.

From all the interesting Volunteers and Members of Amnesty International (I worked on a video advocacy project that had me travelling to 5 different cities in 2 weeks):

That's me working during one of our shoots around Cebu!

Some of the AI members we interviewed in Cebu

From Hope/Mamou: I learned that you can gather courage from your oppression. It doesn't define you. Turn it into something that can help or inspire others. Hope, known as Mamou by AI members in Davao, was once a battered wife. Instead of letting the beating get to her, she used it as motivation to empower others so that it didn't happen to them. She always opened her home to everyone who needed a sanctuary, somewhere to be themselves in. Her joy was infectious.

From Strauss: Mamou's brother, also an AI activist in Davao, I learned that there are people who are so selfless that they devote their lives to fighting the causes of others. I was inspired by how simple and how kind they were -- yet they were also so passionate about all the things that they did.

From Date Ed Rosales (Datu Chieftain of the Bagobo tribe): I learned that one must be proud of where he came from. Celebrate your roots. Keep who you are inherently and work hard at keeping it pure. In trying to find good partners to align with his tribe, he taught us how to be careful not to succumb to political leanings. He always thought about what was good for his tribe, long-term.

From Yasser: He is a young AI member from the Tausug tribe. I learned how one should be real and uninhibited. He joyfully celebrated differences and embraced what made them similar instead. From him, I learned too that one must be humble enough to trust.

From the LGBT AI members: Own your decisions. Campaign for what you think is right. But be respectful and respectable about it.

My friend Deng pondering the state of being on a street named Little Children in Dumaguete

From Jia: She was a lovely and vibrant member of AI Dumaguete who left an abusive relationship. She is a single mother with an equally charming son. You would never think that someone as happy and cheerful as her had gone through something as painful as that. From her I learned that you can still have a life even after your old one falls to pieces -- find places where you can learn to be strong, acknowledge that you are weak, but work to continuously improve.

That's Jia looking fab on set, Deng the director is in black

Our tiny crew with the happy members of AI Dumaguete

I loved seeing life lived in different parts of the Philippines. From seeing the sights and meeting the people, I saw how one could be happy anywhere. It was really just a matter of deciding how to see your life's circumstances and how to go about moving from there. 

-----------

Rereading this post made me so happy that I was able to have this experience. It really was a gift. Thank you universe!

oh yes!

Image from here.

So many things have happened since I last posted. I stopped thinking and started doing and although I haven't had decent sleep and my muscles are all aching and my neck hasn't stopped twitching from all the stress of deadlines ending side by side by side, tonight my idol writing teacher said I had talent and I feel like I could go all the way to the moon and back. This coming from the same professor who began calling me "You" because he couldn't remember me for nearly the entire semester and who inadvertently made me cry after he called my way of thinking pedestrian. I have been on the edge and I have questioned my self-worth but just having him call me by name and tell me that made all the pain and exhaustion just so worth it.

There are so many other things to be grateful for, and I will outline them once I have finished all of my requirements -- but I didn't want this moment to go undocumented. Thank you universe! And thank you kind Sir!

So for all the times you question if it is all worth it, let days like this remind you :)

Learnings

Some things you just can't learn from books. Image from here.

The past week was so interesting to me, mostly because it was an exercise in deviation. From routine, that is. For the past few months, I have really been struggling to put myself on a schedule, to achieve certain checklists every day, in the hopes of being more productive and feeling more fulfilled with how I spent my time. What was strange to me was that even when I did manage to accomplish many of the things on my list (work, research, private writing etc.), I didn't really feel more fulfilled or motivated afterwards. I wonder if it was because of the quality of goals that I accomplished, or because of the direction that I was heading towards. Last week was an interesting experiment in that I threw out my to-do lists and decided to do things on the fly. It was one of the most fulfilling weeks I've had this year (or maybe in the last 2-3 years).

Joy

I find this photo both strange and enchanting (image from here)

This week has been tough, but overall, what I would like to take away from it is how there were many moments within it that were just joyful. I wish I had taken more photos - just so I have something to look at when I want to remember. But I was too overcome by joy from having conversations to worry about taking photos.

There is this feeling of everything falling into place. There is a part of me that wants to believe that this is the universe conspiring to give me what I want - not for free, I know. I intend to work hard, and am prepared to accept very little. I am amazed to think about why these things don't scare me too much. I just want to begin.

This is not one of those philosophical posts, but more like a documentation of all the joyous moments I have had this week. For so long, they were few and far between. Now, the month has barely started, and there have been so much that have been keeping me perked up.