what i would like to carry on into my 29th year

wow. there is a part of me that doesn't even want to believe that i am actually 29. i thought for sure that i would be in a different place in my life by now, more sure of myself perhaps, more settled, more successful in my bid to find out my place in this world at least. but i might as well be 12 right now, only at least then i would still have been reed thin, and hopeful of the future.

while there are no significant milestones to pass for me as i turn 29, for some people the anniversary of my birth spells out the end of their lives. 3 filipinos will be executed in china today for drug trafficking, and that is sad. kids will lose parents, parents will lose children, chances for change will be lost. i used to think think capital punishment made sense until i realized that i believed in people's capacity to change more than in my need to feel secure and satisfied that wrongs are made right.

on an unrelated but still noteworthy occurrence, i found the feeling i want to carry into the my 29th year today, and by some miracle, though i had no intentions of being coherent as i wrote this, it somehow made sense. i was inside one of my favorite used bookstores today, and out of the blue a girl goes out of her way to recommend several books to me, very nicely i might add. one was actually a book i had picked out initially then put back onto the shelf; i wasn't sure i was up for a heavy period piece again. yet i was so pleased at how this stranger took a chance and went through the book titles to find books she thought i would like, and though i had no intentions of buying these 2 books in the first place i ended up getting them. if they turn out to be horrible, i will keep them on my shelf as reminders that people are inherently good, or at least, they try to be. i was so glad that girl spoke to me when she did. so few people have since i plunged into my social coma. paying P160 for those 2 books was the best money ive spent in a while i think.

so there. i guess i can be as unsatisfied as i want to be about my life; but i can't complain. there are still good people out there, and even those that aren't good at the moment have the ability to change if they wanted to. happy birthday bright eyes, one day, maybe, we will be happy, but no longer lost, you and me.