no expectations

for many years in college, i approached valentine's day with many expectations - there were always more prospects then, and coupled with those prospects came certain expectations of how one should behave. would there be flowers, surprise declarations of love perhaps, would it be a movie-style meet-cute where the two protagonists finally get together in slow motion. of course, none of these things happened (save for one particularly charming year when i got more flowers than i bargained for). maybe it is because i am simply not one of those girls, but in my own "real life experience" i have always been sorely disappointed by Valentine's day. i would approach it full of hope and whatnot and end it (often) bitter and cynical. maybe the romances were more imagined than real, maybe i was short of what their dream girls were supposed to be.

i suppose this is also the reason why i approach it so cavalierly now. it doesn't feel like a "thing" anymore. yesterday, i approached valentine's day with absolutely no expectations and i ended up being pleasantly surprised.

i thought i was going to spend the entire day (and night) working, but in the middle of what seemed to be endless copywriting duties, i decided to treat myself to something nice. i stepped out and bought good takeout and a few sweets, and had a pleasant lunch by myself when i got back. after all, i can't expect others to treat me nicer than i treat myself - and really, who says that single people don't deserve anything on Valentine's day? if anything, they deserve more for bravely conquering what is to be the foremost reminder of all the loving that they are lacking in their lives? my friend r and i were kidding that there should be a productivity bonus for singletons every time valentine's day rolls around, because unlike their coupled counterparts, singles are more efficient on this day, with no fluffy thoughts distracting them. but i digress. it felt good to treat myself, it felt good to realize that i could be my own valentine.

but it felt even better to realize that there is really no need to be bitter on vday if you are single. there are always super cool single friends to hang out with, if only you are up to snapping out of your bitter single funk. i spent the evening of valentines day with my oldest friend z, and we treated ourselves to lots of conversation, plenty of good food (a very girly salad composed of pink pomelos, crab sticks, caramelized pili nuts, feta cheese, lettuce, arugula, tomatoes, and alfalfa, a cold cut platter with jamon serrano, prosciutto and shaved cheese, spinach linguine with squid ink and cod roe sauce, and a bottle of a very fruity Gossips wine), and just the sense of contentment at the lives we had. i highly recommend it to those who aren't fortunate enough to have lovers when February 14 rolls around. life does not stop just because you're single. i have to constantly work at reminding myself of this.