prints

i have these pair of black wedge naturalizers that ive literally worn out. the edges are going to give way any day now. ive used them so many times that the cushion is like a mast for my foot. extremely exact. you know how it feels when you have a couch you keep throwing yourself on, or a favorite side of the bed you keep lying on, and your contour is imprinted on the cushion?  that's just about how i feel in law now.
 
i feel as if im making prints in malcolm hall. little by little. more comfortable? maybe. we'll see. at least i don't wake up on the verge of tears like in my last job everytime i think about what i have to do to get through the day.
 
last saturday i brought my masscom sensibilities to my law saturated blockmates. we had a shoot in the middle of the sunken garden. and i was the one behind the camera. it felt weird. and i had forgotten a lot about the work. after reading case after case after case, it seems so foreign to me now. not isolated, but foreign. 
 
i missed it! i missed editing. but i feel freer to move in law now i suppose. after all the recit humiliation, and the fat girl episodes.
 
i keep on telling myself, it's just a place to start.
 
the other day, i asked my dad for permission to change to night class, and he graciously allowed me to. i don't know if i will seriously take him up on that, but it feels good to have room to move. my dad is too good to me. really. i think he's God's biggest blessing. sometimes i wonder if i deserve someone like him.
 
the whole media thing is enveloping my head again. i can't help but get excited! or is it another way of shooting myself in the foot? 

i dont know which direction to take myself. most days i let my lazy self get carried away and just literally stop working. its bad, i know, but i feel as if myself again. when i was in masscom. i dunno if thats a good thing or a bad thing.
 
im getting a bit sleepy. this is what law school's done to me. :)
 
more thoughts to come. i hope.
 
as edited the night after by yours truly =)