for the most part my life has been incredibly simple this summer. a huge chunk of it went to finishing the requirements for my required legal internship. though it was draining, the people on my team, though they may never know, brought a lot much-needed laughter into my otherwise dreary law school life. i had forgotten what it felt like to function as someone who wasn't invisible in the college of law. part of it went to spending weekend man-hours at the restaurant, and yet another part went to coordinating efforts at the debut that I have been working on for quite some time now. it was a weird kind of busy-ness. the kind that kept me indoors most of the time, due to sheer exhaustion in part, and due to a desire to act the part of a recluse. i reveled in books and in movies, in games and in tv shows. for these 2 strange months my entire world seemed limited to the four walls of my room.
thinking back, compared to last summer where i was ever the jetsetter (managing to visit australia, singapore, bacolod and boracay), this summer holds no excitement like that. but it was a calming sense of quiet when i was at home. quiet that i thought i would never get used to, or even like for that matter. yet as friday closed and saturday followed, i was always more than happy to trudge home and just watch videos or read a book in bed. what does this mean? or am i just getting older?
this book that i began to read just now told me to write even when i have nothing to write, if anything, to immortalize my life. these past few days have been exceedingly mundane yet exceedingly satisfying (or idling, who knows?). it suggested that i email a query to a library archivist which documented every query ever sent to them. but i suppose they (my days) deserve more than an entry in some book no ones ever going to read. so here goes:
this week marks the end of my reading the thirteenth tale by diane setterfield. this also marks the third book that i have managed to finish reading this summer. ever since i went on academic leave in 2006, i have taken note of every book that has passed my hands in an attempt to urge myself to read more. since then, i have read 26 books. not a lot, i know, but in my opinion a huge sign of progress and hope that all is not lost between me and reading. of the 26, 10 books were books that I have read last year, meaning (at least to me) that i have increased my book reading without too much effort on my part, and during law school at that! ironically, i realized that i was also more excited at realizing that i had read 3 books this summer than realizing that it was my (hopefully) last year in law school. perhaps because i am not really sure of what my law school future holds for me in these last 9 months. as someone very intelligent once said, these 9 months seem to symbolize a rebirth period of sorts, and hopefully, after it all, i will emerge reborn, a better person - or at least a person closer to the one i had envisioned when i entered into law school.
also, though i have done my share of complaining regarding ola, i found myself enjoying the experience once i settled into it. i enjoyed finding the answers to opponents' arguments, i even enjoyed talking to the people who came to OLA (though i thoroughly enjoyed hiding from the rraf people too hahaha). it made me think of what i thought i would be doing after law school, if for some reason i did pass the bar. it made me realize that given the circumstances, i suppose i could do the work. i was certainly not averse to it. but to what extent did i like it? i don't know. perhaps it was not "liking" per se but more tolerance than anything.
somewhere inside, there is a voice saying that there is something more...and i should be actively seeking out what that is.
i have also begun feeding my obsession with this new tv show "criminal minds", and i find myself questioning what it is about these kinds of shows that draw me in. is it the shock or the entertainment value? i find myself being intrigued at the nuances of criminal profiling. i wonder if that is an avenue that i can explore. hmm. or is this one of those phases of character love, like the time i wanted to play soccer after watching bend it like beckham, hahaha. god, i hope not.
the other day, my brother, my cousin and i had a mini pizza party after we decided we would order in. as we were devouring the pizza and the criminal profiling, i realized how content i was to be spending my night like this. it made me realize that for some reason i was no longer pining away for some absentee guy who wasnt sweeping me off my feet, resulting in me staying home. have i given up or merely settled down? i also realized that i preferred spending evenings like this now, slumming it in peejays and enjoying entertainment in the comforts of my own home. now to find a guy who will find me amazing despite this. hahaha. no, seriously, i didn't even feel like i was looking for anybody in particular this summer. i wonder what this signifies.
last night, i had dinner with a couple of good friends and we were laughing like silly people the entire time. i realized that over the last few months, i have maintained so few of the friendships that i had in previous years. now, i am no longer the busy bee flitting from group to group, but i have found comfort and solace in the company of fewer people. yet i am more happy with my relationships with them. i have more faith in them, more trust that they will be there for the long haul. i feel less pressure living up to standards of other people, and i find this level of friendship to be satisfying nonetheless.
today was spent running around in the rain to finish my errands for OLA, but another part of it was spent talking and foodtripping with a good friend. we had cheesesteak and halo-halo and popcorn and lots of conversation. and i just realized how much i am going to miss her.
tonight i begin a slew of new books that i must return to mel before she leaves: i have just begun A Year in High Heels by Camilla Morton and Angels by Marian Keyes. I have also started The Audacity of Hope by Obama again. I strengthened my resolve to read the Classics. Tomorrow is my last duty day for OLA. I have to go to sleep now if I am going to make the 8am call time.
mundane but not really I suppose.
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