i choose me

after spending the entire day getting readings for the week and driving and chaperoning my brother around to and from galleria. he went with his friends for a wholesome merienda, a comedy flick, and a round of rides at dreamscape. i went my own way with my good friends ana and loys and we saw ocean's 12 and talked over cheesecake. i bought a skirt on sale in terranova and stickers to camouflage my unfortunate embossing accident. in my book, it was a day well spent. and no one could ever convince me otherwise.

not even after spending a much dreaded 3 hours at our neighbor's house and eating dinner with their children. (we obviously are NOT friends). as i very aptly put in a conversation with kip, this was one evening where our schmoozing skills would be put to the test. this is the downside to being accepting and politically correct: you cannot, not even to stand up for yourself, say what you really mean or feel when with people who are hard to stand.

i encountered this first hand on my way out of the house, as i was walking home (which was 1 house away). i decided to leave when everybody else decided to go out for a smoke (why bother smoking as a sign of rebellion and defiance when you cannot even stand up to your parents by actually smoking in front of them???). as i encountered everyone on my way out, i heard someone smirking as he besmirchingly uttered what i now realize is their moniker for me: Biblia (as in Bib-lee-ia), sort of to say, there goes ia lee, the goody two shoes. and though i have been very polite and tact with my thoughts on everyone who decides to indulge in whatever waste of time and resource they choose to engage in at the moment, this is something i do not think i can take sitting down.

i am a 22-year old law student. i am a virgin. i do not drink. i do not smoke. i don't do drugs. i have never attempted to try any and all of these things, and i will never do. i do not think they are right. and i will never apologize for my choices. i will never be ashamed that i have never tried to cop a smoke, or chug beer till i am witless, because as far as i know, these are the things i should be pushing against. drunk and high on nicotine is the last thing i wanna be. i am determined. i am ambitious. i am high on passion.

i am fun-loving. my idea of a good time is a combination of good food with good friends over good conversation. i require very little to make me happy. my friends, (at least, the ones i consider to be true) are the same. we believe in hard work and simple joys. while our tastes may be different from what we follow, we do not judge others who choose otherwise. everyone is supposed to be given free reign over their spirits while they try to find who they are. but i will not apologize for who i am or how i was raised.

i cannot change the fact that our society has evolved into something so bizaare that now, we find humor in those who choose to be virtuous, because they are so scarce that we can hardly believe they still exist. we call them passe. cliches. we make jokes out of them, monikers even.

what kind of heroes do we choose to celebrate anyway? everywhere in the country, champagne flutes keep on clinking for partyphiles, partygoers, fashionistas and the like. they are the new toasts of the town, redefining what it means to be young and purposeful. but when have we decided to stop celebrating people and careers that were esteemed for their more traditional value?

while i am happy at the influx of new careers that our young people are coming up with, i cannot help but be sad for the shift in paradigms that our young people are having. there are more young people wanting to be veejays and models and artistas than there are who dream of becoming doctors, lawyers, teachers. it is now funny to find a virgin past the age of 20, 18 even. if we choose to be virtuous, we keep it a secret. we are the ones who say "sorry, i don't smoke." we are told to say "it's okay to say you mind." when did it ever become NOT okay? it IS okay to mind. no, more than okay. IT'S NORMAL. dont ever think otherwise.

i AM a good girl. and I say it with pride. i wouldn't have it any other way. i choose me. and i choose to speak up.