Pursuit

with no other purpose than to run after bubbles (image from themindfulmoment.com)

Last night I attended my good friend's belly dance recital. I had been through many recitals in my lifetime (too many to count, in fact) but most of them were when I was much younger. Ballet, piano, voice, art exhibits - I am no novice to recitals, I tell you. But watching a grownup friend at a recital of her own choosing is a different thing, I realized. For one, you are more invested - as an adult, you give up so much more than just your free time when you decide to participate in a recital. When you are much younger, time is an abundance - but when you are grown, it's time spent not sleeping, time spent away from your significant other, money not saved, other opportunities not pursued...you get my drift. I so enjoyed watching my friend P, and watching other women like her seeking these non-traditional passions, and succeeding so wonderfully at them. In our household, adherence to tradition in everything is something that is cherished - and chasing after frivolities (at least in the eyes of my folks) is of course frowned upon.
I found it so refreshing that there are women in our very conservative country who see dance as their calling, and belly dance at that. To have the courage to say that you are pursuing belly dancing on a serious level takes serious balls in my book. For one, it isn't easy. For another, you have to hurdle all the naysayers (and believe me there are a lot - most of them from my family!) who say that it is practically short of stripping. Also, you have to be semi-naked to do it!!! (this is completely terrifying to me).

But really, to have the courage to say out loud that something is your passion and that you are actively pursuing it is just so awe-inspiring to me. I have always been afraid of saying things out loud for fear that someone might hear me, and also for fear that my acknowledging its existence will make me accountable for seeing the pursuit of it till the very end.

I suppose all this is on my mind because I am waiting to be given permission to pursue what my folks would consider as frivolous dreams. I want to learn more about literature and creative writing, because I have found that reading elegantly crafted sentences makes me feel alive, makes me want to stay alive - to read more and to write something just as good. After all of the serious materials that I've processed through 5 years in law school, the things that strike fires in my heart are not legal in nature at all. They are short sentences, a turn of a phrase, words I have never encountered before. Who ever said that only serious things are worth pursuing? Maybe it the seriousness of my feelings for them that will make them worthy of the effort, and not what other people consider as its level of frothiness.