validation

story of my life. it seems that i am forever in search of validation, some semblance or affirmation of the fact that i am normal, that I am acceptable (to whom?), or that someone somewhere gives a damn what I think and what is happening to me.

again, i find myself at that point where it feels like everyday is exactly like the one before - waiting, for my life to finally start back up again. that in between days phase. being soberingly broke largely limits one's possible scope of activity, and so a majority of my time was spent catching up on season upon season of favorite TV show dvds, and i am slowly running out of dvds to watch.

it was upon a perusal of my beloved dvd collection that i realized why i loved watching them so much - each of them represents something that i find coldly absent in my life.

a great relationship with my mother (gilmore girls)
a solid friendship with my dad (veronica mars)
sisters who will be there to talk and laugh with(charmed)
a best friend who is always willing to accept you (gilmore girls - lane kim is so
cute)
wealthy grandparents who will dote on me and send me to private school (okay, i don't
need this - but wouldn't it be great if we all had them?)
a house where i can fall asleep on the couch in the afternoon and wake up at 10 in
the morning to hot coffee and chipper conversation.
people around who think you are great and who will have the patience to listen to
what you have to say.

i think being listened to is the highest form of respect. and while i know that i tend to overshare too many of my emotions on my blog -- if i can't say it here where else would i say it?

i feel so...alone. most of the time. like if i never initiated anything no one would bother to talk to me.

why is that?

are we all just waiting for someone to listen? or do i just have nothing seemingly important to say?