who are you?

my momma oprah asked this question today as she polled the women of america on why a majority of them have literally let themselves go. and while this kind of a problem isn't too big of an issue in the philippines (most people here have nothing to eat, thus making weight gain the least of their problems), my heart goes out ot the women who bared their lives to be a part of this show.

who are you?

i keep on asking myself this, and for the longest time i've been drawing blanks for answers because i stopped having a clue as to how i would define who i was now. i no longer had the idea of where to begin, having momentarily disposed of whatever clues i clutched on to for the longest time.

daddy's girl.
law student.
leader.
the good student.
fairly intellectual.
the sane one.
driven.
with a plan.


but as i've been reminded of by mama O, so many of us make this mistake by defining ourselves according to what we do, and not by who we really are.

for the duration of the leave - i saw myself as what i did, and spiraled into a depression (quite ironically) during the fated quarter life crisis moment.

broke.
a bum. (istambay, more like it)
an UNSTABLE JOB holder.
a loser.
a lazy oaf. (hey, when you're broke as hell, staying home is about all you can do -- WE SHALL NOT SURRENDER!!!)
an insipid cretin.


and here lies the problem. too many of us don't even realize how we coast through life, we ourselves unsure of WHO WE REALLY ARE. when i was about 14 I discovered that I had no clue who I really was and I promised myself I would try my best to find out.

here are some of the few things that I know to be true about me.

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underneath it all, I believe in a force greater than me, a good universal force which for the time being i refuse to classify or distort under any religious title.

I believe I have a good heart.

I think communicating is my passion. More and more, I feel like getting important messages across is what I really want to be doing. (yet for the life of me, I cannot give up on law school.)

Music, especially the standards, really makes me happy.

I don't like feeling caged. I like being outside, being with people.

I believe weekends are for playing outdoors.

I love easily.

My trust is incredibly easy to get, but incredibly hard to get back.

I am innately a good girl.

I enjoy the occasional social drinking, but apart from the bubblies, I really don't enjoy alcohol.

The things that make me most happy are just easy-going times filled with good conversation. Boardgames. Idle Chatter. Shared excitement over great movies and amazing tv shows.

I like to think I'm funny, but sometimes I resent that I feel I got my humor from someone I no longer feel connected to -- my dad. A lot of the time, I wonder if I really am funny or if I am just deathly serious to a majority of the population.

I don't admit it often, but I think I have fairly good taste. In things in general. (wow, that was hard to admit. I always feel like I'm vain when I say that.)

I dislike admitting this even more, but on some level yet untouched by my cynicism I do believe in true love. But I am unsure of the strength of its fidelity. And I am unsure of whether or not mine has passed me by.

Not that there has been a lot of instances of the sort, but I do enjoy the occasional minutes under the spotlight. (have there ever been any? i am unsure. maybe in my dreams.)

I believe that on some level, I am destined to be a success. I want to be a success! But more than that, I want to make a difference. An impact on someone, anyone.

I have loved, but I have not LOVED. I don't feel like I have. In the way that makes you heady, giggly, bubbly. How does that feel?

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These are honest assessments consciously remembered and conscientiously written down over many different instances. The most real I could ever be.

To anyone reading this who feels like they know me, I would appreciate any enlightenment you can share on who you think I am. If you need help with any soul-searching of your own and would like me to tell you what I see when I see you...all you need to do is ask. Ü

Think. Speak. Love. Know.