i haven't been posting for quite some time. i think all this time, i was waiting for some awesome moment to occur that i would deem worthy of a post, when really, my days have been filled with (what i feel) is so much sameness. after all the shoots have been done, all of a sudden, my entire life since then felt like i was living in between days - except that the IN BETWEEN - became permanent. that is how ive been feeling for the longest time. like i've been waiting, for what exactly? I don't know.
not that there weren't moments that were worthy of posterity. A lot of my weekends have been such surprises to me - celebrations of bonds and ties that i didn't realize were deeper that what i originally thought they were. random discoveries of treasures over laughter and bowls of gyudon. a shared closeness with someone over cups of hot cocoa at 3 in the morning. good friends i never knew were that good.
A few days back, I read this in an article somewhere - "Sometimes, the best feelings that we get are the ones that we barely notice."
and really, they are. while i was waiting for the big moments, i almost failed to notice the ones that were subtly and quietly important.
like how ive been able to stay the same amount of close, no, maybe even closer to my good good girlfriends from law school, even though i left. when i left i had felt that i was somehow closing the door to people whom ive shared bests and worsts with for 2 years. now even though law school feels so disjuncted from who i am now, they are so much a part of what i treasure now.
like how at the most random moments, a seemingly accidental visit to a friend can be a much needed refuge - even if it is just sitting quietly together. a lot of times i worry about what i bring to the table in terms of our friendship - i think she most definitely rocks much much more than i do - but what a surprise to realize that just being there is enough.
like how you rediscover how delighted you are to still hang out with someone you see almost everyday. how so much laughter can be derived out of not knowing where to go or what to do. over rediscovering krispy kremes.
like how your luck can make other people's dreams come true, even for just one night. for one night we were all hotel heiresses, and it was good.
this is my life. it is mine. and i live it with pride. i love how i have too many friends. they are what keeps me sane.
i cant believe how in my angst over nothing ever happening i almost forgot what a joy they were to have.
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