lessons learned

all of a sudden, i find myself with a bit of free time on my hands. enough i hope, to be able to ponder on the ups and downs that this crazy year has put me through.

the classes that i was supposed to have today have suddenly been cancelled, and for the first time in a long time, i have finished what needs to be done ahead of time.

so ive gone through a self-imposed mini-anxiety attack upon realizing that i am turning 26 without having gone through the milestones that i was sure i would have surpassed by this age.

with everyone around me getting engaged, getting married, and getting pregnant, it sometimes becomes quite the chore to have to grin and bear it whilst i endure the "why are you still singles" and the "whats wrong with yous" and even the well-meaning "don't worry, it will comes".

as one gets older, it becomes more difficult to battle with mediocrity in the grapple for control of our lives.

thinking about it now, i have to really strain my eyes to see if im learning the lessons that im supposed to.

are there lessons to be had in the string of "misfortunes"? - find things to be thankful about, always.

what am i thankful for?

i am thankful for my battle scars. for having the courage to again begin to wear my heart on my sleeve.

i am thankful for the fabulous friends around me. for always having someone to be with, someplace to go to, people to look forward to seeing at the end of a tough week. this year has indeed given me many.

i am thankful for soulmates who understand the pain that i feel and who are always more than willing to impart their own life lessons.

i am thankful for the sordid sense of humor. to still be able to have the energy to laugh and make others laugh even when in the middle of the most stressful of circumstances.

i am thankful for the energy to get up and try again.

as i begin my 26th year, most certainly weary but not yet beaten down, i wish for myself and for everyone in the same plight that we learn to trust in ourselves and in our abilities more.

and, more than anything, i wish to meet the one who will finally get me.