inspired by a conversation i had with a friend under my favorite tree sitting on my favorite park bench during this year's valentines day, while watching couples pass us by.
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valentines day has never really been a favorite with me. when the second week of february comes, my only wish is that i survive the day in one piece, since a great deal of my feb 14s never turned out to be anything but ordinary, and painful.
let me take you on a walk down memory lane:
February 14, 2000, my freshman year in college
I had been chatting with Luis* online for quite some time already (about 2 months, and yeah, I too fell into the trap of looking for love on the internet via the irc portals. hay.) and things were good. We talked regularly every night, and I was thoroughly convinced that this was in fact, going somewhere. We were both quite smitten with our phone and online alter-egos, and he was already spouting out significant phrases like "I feel so refreshed to have met someone so interesting as you" and "I think I'm really falling for you". On that fateful day, he texted me to let me know that he couldn't help it anymore, he was coming over (from his school - one jeepney ride away hahaha nick) to finally meet me in person. After much fretting and stalling, I finally agreed - and we met at the AS parking lot so we could finally seal the deal.
I was so shocked to see him in person, so different from how I imagined him to be. I don't know what my expression actually let on, but I never saw him after that. After I had decided that looks or no looks, I was going to like the guy who made me laugh out loud every night of the last 2 months, he promptly decided that he wasn't really falling, that he was something short of desperate for actually thinking an online thing could work out.
February 14, 2001
It was the brightest day. I had been hanging with Jake* a lot, and he was someone whom I truly felt I liked (at the time) but whom I wasn't sure liked me back. So you could imagine my surprise come valentines day when i arrived to see him with a bouqet or red roses asking me to be his valentine.
Imagine my EVEN BIGGER surprise the next day, when he takes everything back, save for the roses. He never wanted me to be his valentine, it was a spur of the moment decision, he wasn't over his ex...blah blah blah.
February 14, 2002
The best valentine's day of my life. I was feeling pretty down that day because of the horror of valentines past. I no longer knew what to expect. But the day turned out to be a pleasant surprise. A long-stemmed red rose from a quiet guy who never said much, as well as a quick peck on the cheek. A bouqet of yellow and blue roses from someone whom I thought was just a really, really sweet guy. What made it doubly nice was that when he gave the flowers to me, he smiled shyly, saying that he really hoped I liked them, because I was the first girl he ever gave flowers to apart from his mom. (too bad i really just liked him as a friend)And, surprise surprise, a bouqet of roses from *Jake, for...god knows why. I didn't really have one valentine in particular, but my day had been filled with surprise after surprise, and it ended with all of us sitting together in Mcdo Philcoa at midnight talking about how nice this particular valentines day has been over hot fudge sundaes.
February 14, 2003
the weird valentines day. I was walking back from class alone, under the large trees of the acad oval. I really needed a change of scenery so I took the scenic route back to the tambayan. A car approaches slowly, and being the ever-helpful pedestrian, I stop, preparing to give directions. The window rolls down, and out pops the head of one of the most handsome guys I have ever seen. I gasp a bit as he smiles, and wait for the car to stop so he can ask for directions. It doesn't. As the car slowly rolls away, he keeps on smiling at me as he makes the turn. I wonder why he doesn't stop. When he finally does stop at the turn, and puts his blinkers on, I decide if I have enough guts in me to walk up to the car and start up a conversation. Remembering the ghastly valentines of years past, I decide against it, and I enter my building to go to class instead.
February 14, 2004
the most uneventful valentines day ever. its snowing and im broke and alone in my lola's new york apartment. so i decide i will not wake up until i am hungry and get up only to pee and forage for food. i dont really want to run into other desperate souls such as myself looking for the next easy target. the day passes and i am neither ecstatic nor devastated.
February 14, 2005
i was in law school. enough said.
February 14, 2006
the most active valentine's day. celebrated as a single girl, as always, but more so this year. A week before valentines, I mail out little love notes and trinkets to my most beloved single friends so they don't feel too alone on the dreaded day. I spend the morning working and the afternoon just lounging around with my friend, whom i shared the coffee voucher with. we go into a free art film screening, and afterwards we go around whilst i show her the up i used to love and the one she never knew existed. we end our time together sitting under our favorite tree on our favorite bench just talking and watching the sunset. I meet my hs barkada for dinner (the tradition's still strong after 6 years) and we hang out as the single girls they pretend they are when they're with me.
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