this article was taken from MSN. its as if the writer and i are on the same page. i couldn't find a better way to sum up my thoughts on the passing of the year and the coming in of a new one.
so here goes...
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WHY GIVING UP IS GOOD TO DO.
By Charlotte Latvala for Redbook
Your mother probably told you never to quit. But there are times when quitting is actually good for you -- for instance, when your job is dragging you down, or you're forever beating yourself up because you're not a size 4. We'll show you when it's time to extricate yourself from these all-too-common dead-end situations, and how to do it. So here and now, give yourself permission to give up...
Trying to Lose Those Last 10 Pounds
Signs you should quit
No matter what you do -- diet, exercise -- the weight won't come off.
Every time you look at the "skinny" clothes hanging in your closet, you feel like a failure.
You keep thinking you'll get back to the weight you were in high school -- and then you'll be happy.
Friends and family tell you they're tired of hearing you complain about your weight, which hasn't budged for the past five years.
Before you quit, make sure you...
...have given it your best shot with a sensible diet and exercise plan. If you're running three miles every other day but binge on cheese curls and soda at night, you're taking one step forward and two steps back.
How to quit
Get real. Laura Hughes, 33, of Sewickley, Pennsylvania, has decided that with four children age 6 and younger, she isn't cut out to be Gym Queen at this time in her life. "Dieting or counting calories is just not possible with my current hectic lifestyle," she says. "But I get out and walk each day, I feel good, and my clothes fit so I'm okay with those extra 10 pounds."
Accentuate the positive. "Spend some time in front of the mirror in the outfits that look best on you," says Leslie Charles, an expert on stress and change management and author of Why Is Everyone So Cranky? "Notice the various lines, colors and forms that really flatter you, and then use those criteria when you shop."
Think healthy, not skinny. When you stop focusing on a number on the scale and instead take pleasure in exercising and eating foods that you enjoy, you enhance your quality of life dramatically. You will not only find that you're more cheerful, but those around you will be too. "Believe me," Hughes says, "I'm a much happier mom if I can have dessert now and then!"
Nagging Your Husband Constantly
...about something he really should do, like quit smoking or eat better
Signs you should quit
You both know the conversation by heart.
He tunes you out or gets angry or sarcastic when you approach him on the subject.
He rebels and does the opposite of what you're asking.
"Men have radar that goes up whenever they sense they're being controlled," says Michele Weiner-Davis, a marriage therapist in Boulder, Colorado, author of The Divorce Remedy and a Redbook Marriage Institute Advisory Board member. "Instead of doing what we want, they dig their heels in deeper."
Before you quit, make sure you...
...think about whether he perhaps still needs your nudging (and secretly loves you for it). Does he gripe a bit when you get on his case, but then ultimately go for that jog? Do you find that he's a bit of a procrastinator and always needs a couple of reminders before he finally gets things done?
If not, then enough with the prodding.
How to quit
Stop talking, start doing. "Be a good model," suggests Weiner-Davis. "Join a health club or start a walking program for yourself." Chances are, your guy's interest in a healthier lifestyle will be piqued and he'll eventually join you -- without feeling pressured into it. Alexandra Witherow, 33, of San Francisco, would love for her husband to stop smoking, but she's learned that "trying to force my choices on him just makes us both unhappy." Lately, she's been getting more results by saying less. "I try to set a good example, so he can see what he's missing out on: runs and hikes, feeling fit, having more stamina, etc.," says Witherow. "He's slowly catching on."
Let it go. Realize that ultimately, he's the one in charge of his behavior, and there's very little you can do to change that. "You've got to surrender and find peace with it," says Weiner-Davis -- for both your sake and his.
Slogging Away at a Dead-End Job
Signs you should quit
You dread the alarm clock. That's why Alison Delsite Everett, 38, of Steelton, Pennsylvania, walked away from her position as a press secretary in state government in March 2003. "The job paid well, but a personnel shift there had made me miserable," she says. "I was getting headaches frequently, and I found that I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning anymore."
You're pigging out on junk food -- at work or even when you're just thinking about work. "When I was stressed about my job, I would gravitate to comfort foods I normally wouldn't have touched," says Delsite Everett.
You spend Sunday night in a funk, obsessing about Monday morning -- and wake up feeling anxious. "Add up the hours you spend worrying and complaining about work when you're not there," says Charles. "If your misery at work is bleeding into the rest of your life -- for instance, if you find yourself snapping at your family because of work-related stress -- then it's time for you to take a serious look at finding another job."
You lose interest in your favorite hobbies and watch more and more TV because you're always in "recovery mode" from yet another rough day at the office. You're becoming less productive at work, too.
Before you quit, make sure you...
...explore all the options where you are. You might find a position that's a better match for your skills and personality if you network with trusted coworkers and/or talk with your head of human resources. Even if nothing turns up, you'll know you did all you could to find job satisfaction at your company -- which will make you feel that much more confident about your decision to leave.
Also, set up some sort of safety net for yourself, such as six months' worth of living expenses, part-time work to tide you over or a deal with your husband that he can carry the financial load until you find another job. Delsite Everett lived off her savings for a few months while she explored other options. "I was able to wait for a job I truly loved -- as a spokeswoman for a battered-women's shelter -- because I had a financial cushion," she explains.
Finally, get a sense of what job you do want. First, write down what you like and dislike about your current job, says Lynn Robinson, author of Real Prosperity: Using the Power of Intuition to Create Financial and Spiritual Abundance. Doing so will give you some clarity about what kind of position will suit you better. Also, do a bit of investigation, says Robinson.
"You might want to take a class in an area that interests you or talk to a career coach," she says. "Interview people who have jobs you find interesting."
How to quit
Don't burn your bridges. "No matter how much you fantasize about leaving the office with an act of vengeance -- don't," says Charles. "Make sure that you exit on a positive note, since someone may be asking your former boss for a recommendation for you soon. Ideally, you should never let human resources or your supervisor know that you hated the job, even if you did."
Instead, tell your boss that you've enjoyed your time with the company, but you're ready to explore other opportunities.
Give reasonable notice. Two weeks is standard for most employers. But give more if you can, because (a) your boss may appreciate the extra time to find a replacement, and (b) if you haven't found another job yet, the extra paycheck or two couldn't hurt.
Vowing to Be a "Better Friend"
Signs you should quit
You're constantly canceling, postponing or rescheduling your get-togethers.
You keep assuming that your grown-up friendships should be like the ones you had in high school and college -- when you'd get to hear (and share) every single silly little detail and secret in each other's lives -- and you feel frustrated when that doesn't happen.
You continually feel bad about not keeping in touch with friends or getting together more often.
"I've vowed to be a better friend many times," says Nanci Schwartz, 39, of Fruitland Park, Florida. "I feel guilty when I don't see my friends, even though I realize they're in the same boat as I am -- they're busy with kids, work, home."
Before you quit, make sure you...
...let your friends know what's going on in your life, says Robinson. In other words, don't leave a buddy hanging, which may make her think that you just don't want to see her. Rather, tell her you've got a zillion things on your plate, but you still value the friendship and want to find ways to stay in touch (more on this below).
How to quit
State your needs clearly -- and find out what theirs are, too, so you can brainstorm ways to stay connected. For instance, say: "I love getting together, but things are just too crazed for me right now to meet for lunch. What's your schedule like, and what can we work out?" If a weekly or monthly get-together is no longer doable, perhaps you'll decide to stretch the time frame to once every other month, says Charles. Or maybe you can keep in touch more by phone instead of meeting in person.
Let them off the hook. And expect them to do the same for you. Chances are, your pals are feeling just as guilty as you are for not being a "better friend." "A true friend will understand that you can't always get together as often as you'd like," says Robinson. "I have a buddy I've known since junior high. We see each other twice a year -- our lives don't allow more -- but I still consider her a good friend."
Bond by email. Although, of course, it's no substitute for spending time together, keeping up-to-date on one another's lives through online notes is still a great way to connect. For Schwartz, email has been a godsend.
"It's been a huge help for staying in touch," she says. "My friends and I can still share some quick life updates, even when we don't see each other that often."
Get spontaneous. Instead of making plans and canceling them, which can leave you both frustrated, try to meet spur-of-the-moment. "I have a friend I often call on a Friday or Saturday morning, and we'll go out for a walk or coffee," says Robinson. "It gives you an enormous sense of freedom, because you don't have that pressing sense of a huge commitment."
Finishing Your Mile-Long To-Do List
Signs you should quit
You feel completely overwhelmed when you look at the list.
There are items that have been sitting on it for more than three months.
You to-do's reflect someone else's values. For instance, if you have three kids and you're trying to keep your house as clean as your childless friends', you're setting yourself up for endless frustration, says Charles.
The list is meaningless to everyone but you. "No one else seemed to care whatsoever if the items on my list were completed or not," says Melia Wilkinson, 38, of Boston. "I realized that the pressure to get things done was only in my mind. If my husband didn't care that our closet was a disaster, then why was I so obsessed with it?"
Before you quit, make sure you...
...figure out how you can make the list work for you, not against you. "Ask yourself, 'What are my priorities?'" says Robinson. "'What things are most important to me -- and what can I let go of?' Then start chopping those unnecessary items off your list."
How to quit
Delegate. Think about what others in your household can do to lighten your load. Can your husband help out with the grocery shopping or pick up the dry cleaning? Even a 7-year-old can take on simple household tasks like running the vacuum cleaner or loading the dishwasher.
Lower your expectations. So maybe your yard won't be perfectly landscaped this summer, or you won't organize your Christmas ornaments in the best possible way. So what? Will not doing those tasks create any real problems in your life? "Once I realized how anxious my list was making me, I let go of some things I really didn't want to do," says Wilkinson. "The relief was overwhelming."
Add fun to your list. "Find some things that bring you joy," says Robinson.
"Whether it's taking the baby to the park or calling a friend, there should be something on the list that you're purely enthusiastic about."
Remind yourself that your to-do list is a mirror of your life -- packed, yes, but with lots of good things that show you're busy, loving and loved. So why would you want to empty it? Your list is a symbol of your rich, full life. Enjoy it all.
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