a word from the wise(r)

i turned 26 today. as my mom likes to call it - "the first day of my next quarter" was ushered in by the people i loved most in the world. it was great. I couldn't have asked for a better way to celebrate the next years to come.

but because it's me - the days leading up to my birthday were not without the requisite share of hystrionics and drama. i ranted to anyone who would listen about my panic at not being where i thought i would be at 26 years old. today that is all gone. for one reason or another (could it be the red wine i consumed? hehehe) i feel a sense of calm about me and a much-needed quiet from the nagging voices in my head. 26 is here and i am, happy to say, alive and well, and happy.

when we were having late lunch today, over mouthfuls of peking duck with leeks and hoisin, my mom used my dinner party last night to show me how rich my life was, and how everything in it seemed to work itself out. though i had (as i always do) invited too many of my friends (i can never pick one group over the other - i love them all too much!), they all found their place and found a way to make the evening fun and memorable for them and for me. but more on that later.

my life is made full and rich because of my family and friends. they are living heroes. they save me every time. and i am grateful for every lesson. for the wisdom that each of them imparts. they add so much value to my life.

for my new blockmates, who remind me that i must act like a grownup (yeah i always forget). but everyday is a new day to try harder.

for my broadguild friends, who are such great inspirations. they remind me of the importance of pursuing your passions, and more than that, of the importance of being passionate about the pursuit. they are colorful examples that you can find joy in anything - and last night was no exception. it was crazy fun performing the videoke songs with you!

for my high school barkada, who have been such constants in my life. we have been each others cheerleaders, dates, sisters, and saviors. we have stood by each other through the disastrous haircuts, jobs, relationships and everything in between. and yet we still giggle like high school girls whenever we are together.

for my law school barkada, who remind me that it is possible to find happiness even in the midst of the most grueling situations. they have made law school so much more fun. i know in time ill forget the scary recits but i will always remember our crazy conversations, our whatifs, our weird jokes (well, okay - izzys) hahaha. i will miss them when they graduate.

for my closest yfc girlfriends (whom i lovingly call the barkada 2000 hehehe), who are just SUCH glowing reminders of grace under pressure, of faith that can move mountains, of selflessness (except ana f hahaha - kidding! mwah). i am honored to call them my friends.

for my pyfp friends/game night buds, who have just been such great comforts. they are the kind of grownups i always wanted to turn into hihihi. we embrace each other's idiosyncrasies. and i thank them for teaching me how to do that.

for my ates/kuyas (read: ate dey, "ate" trix, "kuya" chrysanthemum, "ate bossmaam " cherrie) who are always more than willing to impart their wisdom. for their patience with my silliness and for their being invested in my life so much.

for my part, the last year has been a roller coaster ride of experiences and emotions, but from all of it i tried my best to take away lessons that i want to remember for the next years to come. i don't claim them to be novel, because they aren't.

1. love yourself first.
2. say what you mean, and mean what you say.
3. when you make promises, keep them.
4. love unconditionally.
5. make time for fun stuff. life is short.
6. don't take anything too seriously.
7. don't be afraid to look stupid.
8. don't be afraid to ask questions.
9. with everything that you encounter, try to do your best.
10. try harder. don't give up too easily.
11. don't do things that you don't want to do just because other people are
pressuring you to.

as with all good intentions, i will try to lengthen this list as much as i can for those who feel lost in their 20s like me. hopefully during this next phase of my life, i will be living up to my name more - sophia does mean wisdom, ya know.

here is a hug to you!

and just because...here are a few photos of my favorite memories upon turning 26.

the wonders of self-delusion

i came across this article today and found it to be most interesting. the author in the article (posted in full below) said that in dealing with self-knowledge, the truth can be a soul-sapping drag.

i agree. it really does wonders - because sometimes, the truth can be overrated, and because sometimes, self-delusion is really the only way to keep yourself going.

indeed, in most cases honesty may be the best policy - but it is that sheer obstinateness to be defeated by apparent facts that indulges "obvious" failures into believing that they will soar. and so they reach for the stars. and sometimes, they are lucky enough to touch them with their bare hands.

though it is true that there will be times when even the most well-placed delusions don't work in the way that we want them to, they sure as hell work well enough to make us get up in the morning, put one foot in front of the other, and try for another day.

this isn't a novel idea though. the way the idea is packaged may sound new, but tens of millions out their have been using this trick to help them get through the dreariness of everyday life since time immemorial. you may have heard/used these lines yourself without even knowing it.

top 10 delusions we repeat to ourselves/give to others to spare our/their feelings:

10. inggit lang yun sayo.
9. di bale, mas maganda/gwapo ka naman sa kanya.
8. it's not you, it's me.
7. i don't deserve you.
6. siguro bakla/lesbian siya. (it turned out to be true more than once in my case)
5. type talaga ako nun, he/she was just intimidated by my personality. hahaha.
4. i bet he's/she's still not over me.
3. my grades don't define me. (hahahaha. spoken like a true bitter law student.)
2.
1.

okay, so that's not ten - i had a lot of difficulty thinking about other stuff. what are the others, in your opinion?

in any case, when you feel like you need it...by all means indulge! go and delude yourself to happiness! definitely beats just grinning and bearing it.

for those who are curious, here is the article in full

-------------------------

The Endorsement: Self-Delusion
Whoever said honesty is the best policy needed a reality check. A.J. Jacobs on why you should lie to yourself.
By A.J. Jacobs

Of all the overrated things in the world — sex on the beach, John Updike — the most overrated is the Truth. The Truth has its uses, yes, but it should be approached with extreme caution. Especially when dealing with self-knowledge, the Truth can be a soul-sapping drag.

My love of delusion crystallized when I learned about a psychological theory called depressive realism. This holds that the people with the most accurate view of the world are the clinically depressed. Studies show they have a correct perception of how much they control the outcome of events — namely, very little. (Not all scientists buy this theory; but they're probably just deluded.)

More recently, I read the article in this very magazine about Dennis Kucinich. The man actually believes he's going to be president someday. Which is an astounding feat of self-delusion — and, I'm convinced, the only thing that keeps him going.

Self-delusion is not a defense mechanism or coping technique. It's the most human thing we have. It's faith, existential courage, essential to mixing a decent drink, loving our spouse, writing a sentence. It's what separates us from the animals and the boring.

I'm not just advocating positive thinking; I'm advocating a willing suspension of reality. Irrational exuberance. It's not a matter of seeing the glass as half full or half empty. In reality, the glass is usually 5 percent full and 95 percent empty. But you have to force yourself to believe that it's half full so that you can engage and try to solve problems and bring the real percentage up to 10. Because otherwise it'd drop down to zero, and Kucinich probably would have spent his life as a Christmas elf at Macy's.

Embracing this idea has made my life infinitely better. Recently, I had to give a speech at a conference. The speaker before me was 82-year-old comedian Jonathan Winters. The emcee introduced Winters as the best thing to happen to comedy since Aristophanes. He got two standing ovations and a video tribute. He approached the podium using a cane. He made some cunnilingus jokes. Objectively, an octogenarian comic legend making oral-sex jokes is impossible to follow. And if I had accepted reality, I would have faked an allergic reaction and skipped my speech.

Instead, I made the conscious decision to delude myself. I told myself that the crowd would find me just as entertaining as Winters. And because of this confidence — 100 percent manufactured as it was — I didn't bomb. There were no standing ovations, but I wasn't pulled off with a cane.

We need this false bravado more than ever. Deep down, I believe planet Earth is in the worst shape in human history. I really do think that we are living in the End Times. I believe there's no way to stop H-bombs from shrinking down to the size of fingernails or prevent global warming that will turn Boise, Idaho, into a coastal city. But I'm going to remain in denial and do what I can. It's the only slim chance we have of saving this doomed — make that resilient — world.

the best things in life are free

so...isa akong pulubi. and a week before turning 26. kahit na isa akong certified PG (read - patay gutom), nakalabas pa rin ako thanks for very generous friends! mwah mwah mwah

Wednesday, March 19 - lunch at Fely J's, Greenbelt 5. Thanks JG!
Friday, March 21 - lunch at Pancake House, Greenhills. Mochi truffles. Thanks Kippy!
Saturday, March 22 - study date at Starbucks Metro walk. Thanks Valbee!
Sunday, March 23 - brunch at Chimara. Thanks Kris!
- Step Up 2 at Eastwood with the birthday girl herself. Thanks Izzy!

masarap pala talaga ang libre. I love you guys! Bawi ako next time!

lessons learned

all of a sudden, i find myself with a bit of free time on my hands. enough i hope, to be able to ponder on the ups and downs that this crazy year has put me through.

the classes that i was supposed to have today have suddenly been cancelled, and for the first time in a long time, i have finished what needs to be done ahead of time.

so ive gone through a self-imposed mini-anxiety attack upon realizing that i am turning 26 without having gone through the milestones that i was sure i would have surpassed by this age.

with everyone around me getting engaged, getting married, and getting pregnant, it sometimes becomes quite the chore to have to grin and bear it whilst i endure the "why are you still singles" and the "whats wrong with yous" and even the well-meaning "don't worry, it will comes".

as one gets older, it becomes more difficult to battle with mediocrity in the grapple for control of our lives.

thinking about it now, i have to really strain my eyes to see if im learning the lessons that im supposed to.

are there lessons to be had in the string of "misfortunes"? - find things to be thankful about, always.

what am i thankful for?

i am thankful for my battle scars. for having the courage to again begin to wear my heart on my sleeve.

i am thankful for the fabulous friends around me. for always having someone to be with, someplace to go to, people to look forward to seeing at the end of a tough week. this year has indeed given me many.

i am thankful for soulmates who understand the pain that i feel and who are always more than willing to impart their own life lessons.

i am thankful for the sordid sense of humor. to still be able to have the energy to laugh and make others laugh even when in the middle of the most stressful of circumstances.

i am thankful for the energy to get up and try again.

as i begin my 26th year, most certainly weary but not yet beaten down, i wish for myself and for everyone in the same plight that we learn to trust in ourselves and in our abilities more.

and, more than anything, i wish to meet the one who will finally get me.

oh shit.

these two words sum up the entirety of my feelings upon realizing how my 25th year turned out.

i want to burst into tears.

im turning 26 in a couple of weeks. 26! oh shit.















like the asteroid that you can't avoid. 26 is almost upon me. same old me.

oh. shit.

the rainbow connection

i always return to this song when i am in a pensive mood. it is one of my most favorite songs ever.

it's been a strange string of ugly days. i have lived them out as if in a trance, watching a version of myself in a possessed state trudging through every day unsmilingly. as i told a friend of mine in a moment of desolation, i feel so much out of touch with the world i am in and the people i share it with.

my brother reminded me of how much i loved this song the other day, when he made me listen to an acapella version that he downloaded for me. and it's been on my mind ever since.

its been a while since i last saw a rainbow brightening the sky.

its been a while since i got excited over magical things - like rainbows, the first blush that comes with falling in love, the high that comes with making new lifetime friends, the possibility that tomorrow holds. i want to believe that after this long, dark stretch of road, i will emerge to find, if not life-altering light, at the very least the comforting hug of a rainbow.

i may be lonely now, but at least i have the sky to keep me company. one of these days, it will smile back at me with a rainbow, just for me.

not a rainbow, but the sky smiling down at us


---------------------------------

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard
and answered when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell. We know that it's probably magic.

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
There's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.