on the loss of a loved one

im grieving.

i lost my wallet. *sobbing and gasping* every id card i ever owned was there.

this feels horrible.

when blogthings come eerily close

thanks to ais! who always has the most interesting things in her blog. *aiswear*. hehe. geez. am so corny.

Your Birthdate: March 30

Your birthday on the 30th day of the month shows individual self-expression is necessary for your happiness. You tend to have a good way of expressing yourself with words, certainly in a manner that is clear and understandable. You have a good chance of success in fields requiring skill with words. You can be very dramatic in your presentation and you may be a good actor or a natural mimic. You have a vivid imagination that can assist you in becoming a good writer or story-teller. Strong in your opinions, you always tend to think you are on the right side of an issue. There may be a tendency to scatter your energies and have a lot of loose ends in your work. You may have significant artistic talent and be very creative.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

ahh.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

my favorite things

school is almost starting, and soon, there will be very little to remind me of how it feels to be happy. so here it is, my incomplete, spur-of-the-moment, delicious, bodacious list of things that i love.

* a good conversation
* loud laughter (diba sanne? our contrabida laugh)
* dessert! (this deserves its own section i think...so far the most
fun ones are the ones shared with mel and the girlsÜ)
* overnights (some more than others. i will miss them me thinks)
* jokes
* making videos
* having someone read me like they knew me forever
* chicklit. especially hot pink ones (best way to sell me a book is
to make it a hot pink one. i will most probably gravitate to it. i
dont know why.
* coffee
* all the new-fangled donuts. my current favorite is cellos. the
bread is yummy!
* a large glass of coke light filled with iced gulped down
* the pyfp dinners and outings! (because we are all loopy, and
wholesome and i never have to worry about asking people
not to blow smoke my wayÜ)
* long dinners followed by chatty coffee and dessert nights
* books! that are not chicklit. hehehe. i do read them :-)
* driving when theres no traffic. sometimes even when there is if
may kasama sa car Ü
* singing out loud when driving!
* text conversations that reveal more than actual conversations.
* a warm mug of hot chocolate with a shot of vanilla on a snowy
evening while i am watching my fill of sitcoms
* SITCOMS!!!! oooh. i love them.
* new favorite shows - veronica mars, joan of arcadia
* beachy french music that i cannot understand
* bossanova - especially the gilbertos joao and astrud, paulinho
moska
* the beatles. gasp.
* FRANK SINATRA. yep. enough to make it upper case Ü
* OPRAH WINFREY! (i am training to be her replacement)
* princess stories
* a warm cup of tea and a slice of cake every 1st sunday of the
month at anna's house
* starbucks katipunan
* meeting new people
* finding fab things dirt cheap
* getting out of the shower and picking out the perfect thing to
wear in less than 5 minutes
* dancing like crazy to happy 80's music (right, now, the romantics'
what i like about you)
* meeting new people! i really do like it
* trying out new places
* reading a magazine or comic book while eating alone
* eating with matakaw girlfriends. hihihi.
* getting giddy over new crushes!
* actually being able to speak to a crush
* canai bread with curry sauce
* blushing with joy
* giving someone something that theyre really excited about
* sharing favorite food with other people
* wearing skirts (i never thought i would)
* dressing up! is this the same? hindi naman Ü
* being right about people
* being happy about friends!
* screaming with kilig in the car. hehehe.
* not having a cold ( i have a cold 24/7)
* making lists
* checking every thing on my list
* getting a good night's rest
* the occasional telebabad
* an interesting experience
* writing something beautiful
* capturing (at least on film) something beautiful
* hugging!
* singing like a loon.
* singing like i mean it
* doing something good
* a productive day
* loving without caring

all for now. will update soon :)

God is trying to tell me something...

talk about getting bonked on the head by God. The reading below found its way to me for the 4th time this month. The same reading. In a book, in a blog, in an email, during a talk. Hmm. Okay God. I am listening.


WAIT FOR THE BEST



Everyone wants to give themselves completely to someone,

to have a deep and lasting relationship with another

to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But GOD to a Christian says:



No; not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone; to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me. Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction, then you will be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.



You will never be completely united with another until you are completely united with Me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desire or longing. I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing. Allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine.



I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. Just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest thing. Keep experiencing the satisfaction, the I AM. Keep listening and learning the things I promised and meant. Be patient, that is all. Don’t be anxious, don’t worry. Don’t look around at all the things others have gotten or I have given them. Don’t look at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away up to Me or you’ll miss what I want to show you.



And when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful that you would dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time) until you are both satisfied with Me and the life I want you to have, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me… a perfect love.



And dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me and to enjoy perfection and love that only I offer. Know that I love you utterly. I am God Almighty. Believe and be satisfied with my LOVE.

ia is...(what google thinks of me)

try it out! www.googlism.comÜ

Googlism for: ia

ia is addictive (ain't that the truth?Ü)
ia is not usability? (except when she decides to be used by you)
ia is put on the block again (yes! see post below)
ia is the place to find that new or (basta, that place to find
anything new, or old, or lovable)
ia is incorporated and begins serving missionaries and medical
missions worldwide (yes, yes, im all heart)
ia is "information appliance" poster (i do have a lot of useless
info)
ia is not usability? hmmm (why ask twice? i already answered)
ia is important for project (ah, yes, practically nothing can be
done without me)
ia is accomplished a lot of ways (a lot of ways)
ia is a participatory process (ia is more fun when you participate!)
ia is not a router image (ia is...a SUBLIME image. hehehe)
ia is based on cisco ios software release 11 (i wonder how many
versions of me there actually are?
ia is better than ai (but of course. the real thing is always better)
ia is the leader of adventure tour operation in iceland (now you
know why i can't seem to get tan enough)
ia is operated by pioneers in adventure and activity travel (that's
because the pioneers are ia too)
ia is generally found somewhere between the administrative team (yes, more administrative than anything else)
ia is basically a term i picked up from the sf ia discussion to
increase the chance that you and noel would have a sense of what i
meant (because ia is also short for impossibly appealing)
ia is not design (ia is the source of design)
ia is consistently educating both consumers and policymakers about
the evolutionary nature of our medium's concerted effort to both
protect (yes, this is why i love shopping)
ia is required if ia is to succeed (ahhh. my mom should read this.
there has to be more of me left in me than there is of her)
ia is the first year of a 2 (i wonder where the other 1 is? ive been
looking forever)
ia is very central to the production process here (yes, central as
in where the heart is)
ia is part of our ux design competency
ia is mag about 16 (mag? mad maybe, and more like about 24-30Ü)
ia is mag about 15
ia is een erfelijke en aangeboren aandoening waarbij door een
verandering in het erfelijk materiaal glycogeen niet (yes, too much
of ia has you speaking in russian or german or whatever the hell
this is)
ia is het ontbreken of slecht functioneren van (like i said)
ia is the loneliest number for victory (because ia wants to not be
alone)
ia is given full authority to execute the programme as stated in the
contract (read: FULL AUTHORITY)
ia is important (i KNEW it! google understands!!!)
ia is awesome (good God, google is my new BFF)
ia is a user experience consulting firm specializing in the research (yes, research. little by little getting to be a specialist)
ia is an affordable (...date? this goes out to the guy who said he
thought i was high-maintenance)
ia is not treated as a separate discipline (yes, but as a religion)
ia is more critical than others (of herself especially)
ia is understood as an interesting and exciting emergent field; to
make sure that ia is acknowledged as having value to organizations (yes, a lot of value. ask my other organizations. hehehe)
ia is located on the north shore of o'ahu in hawaii (not now, im
not. maybe in a past life?)
ia is to provide programs and facilities that assist the church in
proclaiming the gospel (yes, more and more getting back to the
church and into the hug of God)
ia is now ripe (OMG. i did not know i was RIPE.)
ia is (...i'll supply the answer - brilliant.)
ia is shown because there were no "city limit" signs (there are no
limits to ia either!)
ia is a people (...pleaser? yes, shamefully, one of my faults is
that)
ia is now focusing on maintaining its lead in this niche area (the
area of BECOMING-A-MANANG-NO-MORE)
ia is at best fuzzy (yes, see my legs, especially on a cold day)
ia is more than (enough. ia is more than enough)
ia is a non (non-zero)
ia is most effective when they leave implementation and final
graphic design out of the mix (eh? leave everything to me.)
ia is seen as more than just a model building exercise (because ia
is THE model)
ia is used in an organization to provide control (yes, i have that
effect on people)
ia is a low end ssl accelerator security appliance that works in
conjunction with the web server to handle secure web traffic (low
-end? sige na nga.)
ia is the most beautiful and pleasantly unconventional village on
the island (lets stop before village and remember that)
ia is an internet consulting firm that provides e (e? not. am not a
druggie. never.)
ia is also developing financial applications for small and micro (small and micro IAs)
ia is a popular conference and is often over (the top? often.
admittedly)
ia is an informal group of voluntary participants and as such does
not have a collective position or opinion on any issue (hahaha.
yes, i do lack the backbone at times. but everyone has to start
somewhere. on the road to having more opinions)
ia is and how (AND HOW!)
ia is composed of 626 amino acids and organized in three domains (hmm.)
ia is offering a whopping 64 per cent discount at rs 3295 from rs
8960 one way fare (one way fare lang, because it is to heaven)
ia is clearly defined (as an unclear and hazy but fabulous
experience?)
ia is a leader in apeldoorn
ia is a unitary operator (i think not. need a partner. anyone?)
ia is the very first plan the counter (eh?)
ia is essential (you know it)
ia is a graduate of buckman high school (not)
ia is a run (run towards me!)
ia is less than n (but more than d)
ia is that it often is episodic and the patient may be totally
asymptomatic during the time of the exam (yes, i do have my
episodes)
ia is quickly overwhelming all aspects of the it industry as a
result of increasing losses due to unauthorized access and the
resulting heightened awareness of (...ia's fabulousness)
ia is to be effective in our service to christ (yes, because ia is a
celestial experience)
ia is closed (to those who do not want her)

taking chances

this has been by far, i believe, the best weekend of the summer - no, scrap that...of the year :D who'd have thought that friday the 13th would bring such a pleasant surprise?

getting over a fresh batch of issues through taking on about ten million things to do has proved to be quite therapeutic for me. all this risk-taking had my heart palpitating like crazy the entire week. i kept on smiling to myself as i went through all the motions:

me going into business. who would have thought? i, who took every unclosed sale as a personal attack. life is weird that way. i wonder how things will turn out?

me agreeing to be introduced to someone. someone different. nice different Ü i have to smile everytime i remember it. it was one of the most interesting conversations. why do boys lie better than girls? why do girls lie anyway? over cheese doughnuts and coffee, we attempted to find answers to these things. i myself was stumped a good part of the time, but we learned so many things from him. the way boys lie better because they have so much conviction in their lies (because all are done in the name of self-preservation). the way boys will never argue with their mothers (because that would mean fighting with a girl). by the end of the evening, as i was delivering slipper orders, i was smiling at everyone and everything - the passers-by, the streetkids, the growling dogs, and the plates at world topps.

me attending household and opening up to this entirely new group of people. i liked the topic and was surprised that i actually shared. a part that i keep very hidden. it paved the way for even more conversations. with an old friend who wasn't as good a friend as she is now. am going to tagaytay with them in the weekend! more new people and new opportunities. summer is definitely looking up.

me actually arranging one of our pyfp outings. the first one in the summer that actually pushed through. fun fun fun. although it wasnt as fun when we realized we were turning into old farts who got tired too early and had to play less and rest more. but it was fun. even the pabobohan (thanks to charles) was fun - even when we were melting little by little in the dungeon that was rio grande. but it was a really fun day. pics to follow.

thinking about the weekend still makes me smile up to now. what i loved most about it is the fact that i actually allowed myself to do something entirely out of character. and what pleasure i derived from that. enough to make me smile at growling dogs. enough to want to jump into more new things.

taking the plunge is so fun. you can get wet, but good things can come from that - like i said to philip the other night, when it raines, it doesn't always pour, but it most definitely rains. and we can be thankful for thatÜ

Why Geeks And Nerds Are Worth It

Many thanks to ejay for this...I am now a fan of your blog :D

---------------------------------------

In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.

While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they're well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are... plus, I've never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.


They're useful. In this tech-savvy world, it's great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.


They’re more romantic than they're given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such...but hey, it lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.


Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like 'em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like 'em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.


They've got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?


Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it'll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they're more attentive than guys who "have more options". Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they'll likely have mental lists of all the things they'd love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.


Sex. Yep. Sex. I'm not really familiar with this myself, but I've friends who've been intimate with geek guys and it's raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra... all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.


They're relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt. Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you're not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?


Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won't have to worry much about your geek guy getting his "groove" on with club hotties because, frankly, he'll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won't have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he'll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I've seen this happen.

Me: "Eww. Victoria's Secret Models...they're so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!"
Geek Guy: "Ooooooo..."
Me: "Hey!" *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
Geek Guy: "What?"
Me: "Never mind..."


Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you'll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he'll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn't want to go someplace with you, you won't have to worry much about what he's up to. You'll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It's ok. He's used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.

His friends aren't jerks. I can't stress this enough. You'll more likely get "OMG! A GIRL!! Can I see?!" than "Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on..." They're awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code... a geek can dream).


They're rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won't care. He does too! They won't get pissy if you don't wear make-up or don't want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.


They're usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won't have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he'll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce...


You'll almost never have to hear, "Yaw dawg whazzap!!!" plop out of their mouths. Unless it's in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get "wasted", so you won't have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps...


And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that's a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than "Damn baby you got a fine ass!!!" Believe me.

the world is such an interesting place

pictures that perked up an otherwise dreary day. hope you are constantly reminded that we DO have a choice, to look at the world in a different way, to find wonder in the most difficult of situations.

zarah

its surprising how easy it is to turn on someone when our backs are to the wall. but she never did. not even when i acted like the biggest b*tch when we were growing up. i miss her so much.

lonely but not alone

after a simple catching up with really old friends two nights ago, i was really really surprised to hear that one of us got married. and i didn't even know he was seeing someone serious! we got to talk about how even though they were young, he felt as if they were both ready and why would he waste time when he was already sure that she was the one he wanted to wake up next to him in the mornings.

while i myself am not in a hurry to get married, the fact that little by little, my friends (who are of the same age) are getting married has not escaped me. it made me wonder how someone my age gets to that place. that spot in your life when you are so sure of that person that you commit to an entire lifetime with them. i can't even commit to my postgraduate course and it only takes four years!

and so feeling lonely as i began to read this book izzy gave to me (when God writes your love story. while i am not all that keen on christian bible based doctrine, i WAS really curious to read about what they perceived was my mistake. why it was taking me so long to even get to the path that takes me to the place), i texted my thoughts and general feeling of loneliness to others who might be pondering on life's questions too. and who might be awake at 1 in the morning.

TEXT: "jst found out my frng got married already. hmm. have you ever had the feeling that everybody's moving on and ure being left behind? i fil as if m stuck. like i need a remedy to actually move on."

this was what my friends had to say:

Mady: "Lst month. my exboyfriend emailed me that he got married and hes with his wife in Singapore. When he told me that, I felt a different shade of loneliness..."

Lori: "Oh, ia, can relate! Happens to me quite often these days! Esp since half of my HS brkda are happily married w/ kids & of the single ones, i'm the only 1 who's nt in a relationship!"

Berna: "Yeah, especially at my age. Ur not aloneÜ"

she-who-must-not-be-named: "Yes, i do. I guess bec these are major decisions they're making, and i'm not even capable of making a good decision that's not major. I don't really believe in marriage, but somehow, i can't help but be disturbed if i'll ever make the same decisions. being left behind? i feel that so many times. lost in law schl"

Tessa: "Ay sus. U're not alone no. F u feel lyk dat, pano pa kaya ako. Kya smile, u're not alone. Harharhar."

Rocky: "Hey! Hahaha! Yeah, i do know. F its happening 2 u, i bet i knw more who's getting married. Bt hey, ain't nothn i can do abt it. Dr tym is nw, my tym s jst comin. Y fret? I believe God wil snd it my way. Its hst hell waiting. Ü"

RJ: "Many times."

Faith: "Yes, i've had that feeling many times over. *hug* y'know, change isn't always the big thing people make it to be. You've taken your own steps forward, ia."

Hmm. So to anyone who is reading this who has asked the same question at least once in their life, know you are not alone. Ü

need to know

You Are the Individualist

4 You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

What number are you?

direction

i need direction. a recent viewing on clueless has revealed what i have known for quite some time already.

the only place where i actually know what im doing is the mall.

god. how?

schemes

...lately, everyone's got them.

loys has a scheme to get employed in a SPED school in the US.

gail has a scheme to get herself into UK in the next 3 years.

k has a scheme to further herself into the government world by taking MPA.

deng, chely, and ais all have schemes to gain financial independence.

i want a scheme to get myself out of the hell that our house has become.

things running on my mind now:

1) being fat does not mean you stop being an actual person, and repeatedly telling someone that you are becoming "disgustingly fat" to your face does not make it any easier to take.

2) how much money will i get if i pawn all the jewelry i own, and how far will it take me?

3) just because i followed orders all my life does not mean that i have to continue doing so.

4) not following orders is not necessarily wrong.

5) i wish i had started disappointing my parents earlier on so that they would not have expected too much of me.

6) why should i be afraid of failure when i am already scraping the bottom of the barrel?

7) sometimes the friends you have stop being what they are to you, no matter how badly you want things to stay the same.

8) not making mistakes is the biggest mistake you could ever make.

9) i've just stopped believing.