the best day

yesterday was so fabulous. finally was able to haul my ass off to theory (despite the gripping fear of being picked on for being the girl with the magic notes) and he did not pick on me! oh well, baka he is waiting for the right time when i am unexpectant and vulnerable. hah. we'll see.

but the day was full of wonderful surprises. i got to wear my hot pink shawl (not a surprise but a happy feat). we were able to be free of oblicon, (as usual i did not study) and though i decided not to go to the block pizza feat, i did. and what a good decision. it was so much fun! i enjoyed the pictures more than the pizza i think. but i love the block even more. hihihi (is this possible?)

another happy point is the much-awaited coffee with loys. i miss her so much. when i pass by the tambayan she is the first person i remember and i get overwhelmed by this great desire to hug her and tell her all about my day. i love her so much. she truly is one of my best friends.

after that i wreaked havoc on the 3rd floor of the library, where i effectively prevented ms tinaza and ms sia from studying. hihihi. we instead talked about mikamela garfield odie and other mind-boggling phenomena. my cheeks hurt from smiling too much.

the pictures from yesterday's giant pizza expedition are at the side bar under block b if anyone is interested. a testament to the funnest day ever.

and below is a pic ms sia so creatively took of me while we were chatting it up in the library. see my aura glowing? (proof that i am an angel on earth) mwehehehe.

at a loss for words

a resurrection of a memory circa 1998 in antipolo.

me lugging a large suitcase in the entrance to a 3-day camp. a very cute guy comes up to me and asks me if i want help.

Guy: kailangan mo ng tulong? baka malaglag ka sa hagdan niyan ha?
me: (flashing my brightest smile) umm. sige ba. kaya lang mabigat ha. baka sisihin mo ako.
guy: (lifts it and realizes it IS heavy. smiles at me and says...)...ang bigat nito ha. 3 days lang tayo ah! bakit parang ang dami mong dala?
me: (smiling coyly. hah. the one and only time i think i was able to accomplish that look) kasama ko kasi mommy ko. (i gesture to the suitcase).
guy: hahaha! tita ok lang po kayo?

(and we start talking to the suitcase for a good 5 minutes. all the way up to my room where he promptly sets the suitcase down)

guy: it was really great meeting you and your mom. (winks at me sabay smile and turns to leave. i swear he pulled it off)

i promptly swoon and start jumping on the bed. a crush is born. or should i say MU? hehehe.

THAT was my one isolated success at flirting. which is why i remember it so well.

you see, the moment i acknowledge in my mind when i like someone, i LOSE ALL ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE to that person. i clam up and lose all thoughts in my head. and so, more often than not, i steer clear of any guy i like. lest i want to make it known that i am at a loss for words because of them. and so most of the time, i just maybe read, or smile into the distance. because my tongue-tiedness just might be the key to my undoing. argh.

and so, when the fateful time arrives for me to determine whether or not i like someone, i have also lost the ability to charm my way further into his heart. starcrossed forever. and so i am juliet and the whole world is my romeo.

and we shall never be together.

hmm. a revelation.

its a lazy saturday morning, folks are out. and this is what i discover.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

hah. a lawyer. hah. (uncomfortable laughter)

wham bam.

i was doing pretty well. i really think i was. and then, i had to make the STUPID mistake of putting the freakin magic notes on the table.

i put the whole class in jeopardy. now, no one can benefit from the freakin' magic notes. and to think sison was actually liking me already. now all he will remember about me is that i was the girl he caught with the magic notes.

ugh. now i cant even make myself study. AND i spent all my money and ate everything i could buy.

this is the most icky day. i want to cry.

scribbled thoughts.

i love how its barely been a month yet my starbucks journal has already managed to capture my random quirky thoughts. as i was flipping through last week's jotted down notes, i had a hoot reading through some of the things i wrote down.

tuesday january 11

good recit! yehey! (i seem to be saying yehey quite a lot. like a kid high on plastic balloon. why couldn't i be cool and say yahoo? thoughts that boggle the mind)

wednesday january 12

(in a poetic mood)
sometimes we want things that are bad for us
sometimes bad things want us so they can be better
sometimes its best to just stay on middle ground.
-- i didn't say it would be a good poem. what do you expect me to come up with whilst i battle with sleepiness during oblicon?

in starbucks katipunan, while watching people smoke from the glass window

--if i could shed a tear for every guy i liked who smoked...
...id shed 2 tears. 2 very small ones.

tuesday january 18

i suddenly have this fear of falling out of my seat and also of turning around and staring into the eyes of someone burning holes into my soul.

NOTE: study consti PLEASE LANG.

wednesday january 19

wise men say only fools rush in
but i can't help falling in love with you

QUIRKS i realized today
i sing (out loud) when i walk (sometimes to the surprise of those around me i burst into song)

i LOVE breakfast with my dad (even when the food is crappy)

i love reading and rereading underdog chicklit (see how many times ive read my kinsellas and keyes and austens (the original chicklit author) )

im somehow liking who ive becomeÜ

and lastly...today after ive had my fill of chocnut doughnut and marshmallow mocha...

challenge: FIND A WAY TO GET TO KNOW HIM. hah.

i hope to recover all the other scribbles in other old notebooks so they can be immortalized online. hehehe.

somekinda different feeling in the air

i think this is the most laid-back january i have ever experienced in my whole acadamic life. extra-curricular-wise that is. this is the first time that i do not have an event to produce, conceptualize or be part of.

and here i am getting letters and teasers for destino, bayle, broadguild week, yfc week. it really does feel different. i was walking today and saw the sunken garden in an entirely different way than i have this whole year. i saw destino, i saw the fair. i miss the events. i missed the pressure we were having come january. for sponsors, events. i. miss. working.

and, valentines day is just around the corner. i am, of course, sure it will end up just like it has every year of my life. girl's night out, and boy-bashing on my part (both my girlfriends are guy lovers who have nothing to be bitter about on this fateful commercial holiday).

hmm. bah humbug? we will see i guess.

coincidence

the previous post was something i did today. but in a serendipitous moment, i came upon an email someone sent to me that i almost deleted (as i am a delete-addict of all forwards). but when i opened it, my jaw dropped because it is all too close for comfort. especially after that post.

here goes:
TO LET GO TAKES LOVE
- Margaret J. Rinck

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring, it means that I can't do everything
for someone else.
To "let go" is not to cut myself off, it is the realization that I can't control
another.
To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my
hands.
To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of
myself.
To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.
To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow
others to effect their own destinies.
To "let go" is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.
To "let go" is not to nag, scold, argue, but instead to search out my own
shortcomings and correct them.
To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as
it comes, and cherish myself in it.
To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what
I dream I can be.
To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and to live for the future.
To "let go" is to fear less and to love more.

* * * * *

As for me, to let go...is to let God be. :-)


i hope this helped you a bit too. as it did me. have a great weekendÜ

goodbye

today had the strength to make my testimonial for him. maybe because i know its really over. i can finally be free of the what-ifs. i suppose gail's inadvertent conversation really drove the point home.


this was what i had to say. (and i hope to God he will approve itÜ)

he is the unwilling recipient of all my crazy theories about guys and girls, life, and the world at large. he almost never agrees with me, but he listens anyway. that tells you something about this guy. he will always be there to listen and to lend a hand (or in my case 2 hands...he is the only one who is capable of making me forget what im thinking about when my brain is about to overload. he cups my head with both his hands kasiÜ) he is my oldest guy friend, the billy to my ally, and, i don't know if he knows this, but the guy i measure everyone up against. a girl is truly blessed to have a ------ in her life. if at the very least, she has an idea of what a decent guy ought to be.Ü

so, i would like to put this out into the universe. it ends at 10 years. today, jan. 17, 2005, i am saying goodbye to him finally. but he will be missed.

i can finally move on.

the happiest weeek

this week, albeit a blur, proved to be such a great week for me. specifically a great milestone in my law school life. very eventful. answered many questions, and learned many new things.

monday - flat tire. well, we all know what we learned about that Ü

tuesday - got my first good recitation grade EVER. for the first time in my law school life. God answered my prayers. and with sison! (he who must not be named at home. hehehe) I never thought i could get a 1.5. but i did! hugs to meÜ and hugs to God. also, went to sm to help kc buy her pc with len and omar. was very much amused and entertained (as a sort of reward for theory's recit) when we saw kung fu hustle. it was really funny! a great day to wear my bargain terranova skirt. what a fun day.

wednesday - consti almost free-cut, and saved in oblicon. the fun part of the day is eating at oz cafe with mel, tessa, and izzy, and dessert at chocolate kiss after where we christened mel as garfield and izzy as odie. my stomach ached from laughing so much. it was also very comforting to go to class knowing you've read everything(consti not oblicon hehehe)

thursday - another short spiel with sison (he keeps on calling me now!) spent the day with zarah because it was her last day in the philippines. we had fun pigging out at sentro gb3 with my dad and tita beth (her mom) and going around buying shirts for her. ended up buying this jacket that set a million girls in the direction of mango. hehehe. well, not really. nikki, june, izzy, len, jok. we are again jacket sisters. i never thought it would be such an inspired purchase. but i felt the closeness that zarah and i had developed over the years of her coming home for christmas. i think this is the saddest ive ever been having to see her go. shes the sister i never had. i will truly miss her.

friday - had my first decent recit in constitutional law2! a bread and butter subject! and with professor de vera! and i was the first called. grabe. i really do feel blessed. it is testament to the fact that if you read something hard enough, it will be forever burned into your brain. jacket hunting (theirs not mine) at mango shang and having dinner with the good ol' gang at dencios then at goodies and sweets in podium. i really feel at home with the pyfp folks. like weve been friends forever and not just the two years we actually are. izzy was inducted into the group by a stroke of a brush (literally)

nice surprises included a great conversation with eya, kc, and a lot of people. (resolution fulfilled! get to know your friends betterÜ) i shall be praying for them.

another good thing arising out of this week was me finally getting a prayer time. it feels very comforting. im just really happy things are off to a good start. really, really happy.

what are you happy about? i would love to knowÜ

letting the air out

hmm. yesterday, i got a flat tire. i think God was trying to tell something. both my tire and i were full of hot air.

i guess, reluctant as i am to write an entry about it, i felt like i had to, because i learned so much in the 30 minutes that i spent in the AS parking lot:

no matter how nice your car is, it will break down from time to time

you never know who will come to help you

know where the freaking tools are

we must learn to ask for help and be grateful for the help that is offered

always have tissue and alcogel in your car

always say thanksÜ so thank you sanne, mel, michael (hihihi), leah, tessa, izzy and vp. sobra. lifesavers.

lines that stuck

...and things i would love to be said to meÜ

i have not broken your heart, you have broken it...and in breaking it, you have broken mine - heathcliff to cathy, wuthering heights

i'll fix these broken things, repair your broken wings, and make sure everything's alright - maroon five, this love

it's my favorite part of the day...driving youÜ - colin firth to his portugese maid in love actually

i like you...just as you are - colin firth as mark darcy to bridget jones in bridget jones' diary

if i keep on talking now, i'll only start repeating myself, and all i can say is i love you i love you i love you i love you - james taylor, if i keep my heart out of sight

isang ngiti mo lang, at ako'y napapaamo, yakapin mong minsan, ay muling magbabalik sayo nang walang kalaban-laban. ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang - apo hiking society, di na natuto

Do not let the pain of your past determine your future - african child to oprah

it's not about the weather, it's who you're with when you step outsideÜ - some hallmark movie

all i can think of at the top of my head. will update when i remember some moreÜ

i choose me

after spending the entire day getting readings for the week and driving and chaperoning my brother around to and from galleria. he went with his friends for a wholesome merienda, a comedy flick, and a round of rides at dreamscape. i went my own way with my good friends ana and loys and we saw ocean's 12 and talked over cheesecake. i bought a skirt on sale in terranova and stickers to camouflage my unfortunate embossing accident. in my book, it was a day well spent. and no one could ever convince me otherwise.

not even after spending a much dreaded 3 hours at our neighbor's house and eating dinner with their children. (we obviously are NOT friends). as i very aptly put in a conversation with kip, this was one evening where our schmoozing skills would be put to the test. this is the downside to being accepting and politically correct: you cannot, not even to stand up for yourself, say what you really mean or feel when with people who are hard to stand.

i encountered this first hand on my way out of the house, as i was walking home (which was 1 house away). i decided to leave when everybody else decided to go out for a smoke (why bother smoking as a sign of rebellion and defiance when you cannot even stand up to your parents by actually smoking in front of them???). as i encountered everyone on my way out, i heard someone smirking as he besmirchingly uttered what i now realize is their moniker for me: Biblia (as in Bib-lee-ia), sort of to say, there goes ia lee, the goody two shoes. and though i have been very polite and tact with my thoughts on everyone who decides to indulge in whatever waste of time and resource they choose to engage in at the moment, this is something i do not think i can take sitting down.

i am a 22-year old law student. i am a virgin. i do not drink. i do not smoke. i don't do drugs. i have never attempted to try any and all of these things, and i will never do. i do not think they are right. and i will never apologize for my choices. i will never be ashamed that i have never tried to cop a smoke, or chug beer till i am witless, because as far as i know, these are the things i should be pushing against. drunk and high on nicotine is the last thing i wanna be. i am determined. i am ambitious. i am high on passion.

i am fun-loving. my idea of a good time is a combination of good food with good friends over good conversation. i require very little to make me happy. my friends, (at least, the ones i consider to be true) are the same. we believe in hard work and simple joys. while our tastes may be different from what we follow, we do not judge others who choose otherwise. everyone is supposed to be given free reign over their spirits while they try to find who they are. but i will not apologize for who i am or how i was raised.

i cannot change the fact that our society has evolved into something so bizaare that now, we find humor in those who choose to be virtuous, because they are so scarce that we can hardly believe they still exist. we call them passe. cliches. we make jokes out of them, monikers even.

what kind of heroes do we choose to celebrate anyway? everywhere in the country, champagne flutes keep on clinking for partyphiles, partygoers, fashionistas and the like. they are the new toasts of the town, redefining what it means to be young and purposeful. but when have we decided to stop celebrating people and careers that were esteemed for their more traditional value?

while i am happy at the influx of new careers that our young people are coming up with, i cannot help but be sad for the shift in paradigms that our young people are having. there are more young people wanting to be veejays and models and artistas than there are who dream of becoming doctors, lawyers, teachers. it is now funny to find a virgin past the age of 20, 18 even. if we choose to be virtuous, we keep it a secret. we are the ones who say "sorry, i don't smoke." we are told to say "it's okay to say you mind." when did it ever become NOT okay? it IS okay to mind. no, more than okay. IT'S NORMAL. dont ever think otherwise.

i AM a good girl. and I say it with pride. i wouldn't have it any other way. i choose me. and i choose to speak up.

excited!

i have a new crush. hihihi. but its a secret. ang cute niya. mukha siyang asthmatic. homaygod. am in love with his geekinessÜ

new year resolutions

this year, i want to put my resolutions out for everyone to see, so i can be accountable for them. and also, i think this is one of the best lists i've made. a list for show-and-tell quality. so, for those of you who need inspiration, here is mine for you to go get some. happy new year to all! and God bless all our effortsÜ

1. study on sundays
2. always make plans for friday night and saturday
3. go to the gym/exercise 3x a week
4. speak a foreign language fluently
5. always look presentable
6. general cleaning once a month
7. always remember birthdays
8. document every event with pictures
9. learn website development/html
10. compile written works and send to mags
11. write new stuff regularly (try on a weekly basis)
12. take up dancing/new sport
13. volunteer for community work once a month
14. join a book club/performing group/band
15. come up with new artwork/photography
16. SMILE MORE
17. to always see the good/find the pleasure in unfortunate events
18. to save P100 a week
19. watch a play/show/art film every month
20. to strive to make people feel loved/happy
21. to write to friends abroad on a regular basis
22. to get to know my friends better (separate dates)
23. NO GOSSIP
24. date regularly
25. a date with kip every week
26. less criticizing of everything
27. read more (at least one serious book a month)
28. be more observant
29. less soda and dessert
30. finally put together an outreach project
31. go to Church regularly and develop a prayer time
32. be active in SFC
33. be serious about the TV thing
34. to be genuinely happy for everyone
35. to love unconditionally.

one fine day

yesterday was really fun for a first day back to school. spent the whole day in school, but the afternoon part was great.

we ate at Gagamba accdg to Ms. Sia (aka Gayuma to us normal folks), although the food was sparse and the service slow. first day chitchat was very interesting and fun. dessert was spent at eyrie, where we talked about realizing my outreach ideas over mango crepes and turon.

the day took an unfortunate turn when i decided to make my new starbucks journal even more fabulous by having my name embossed on the front in gold letters. (i had special ones made with my friends' names on them and felt a little out of place with my nameless starbucks one). imagine my dismay when i saw how the man had butchered my poor journal. apart from the fact that my name was not altogether embossed, it was lopsided and way into the corner, so it now spelled Sophia Marie Le (no e! WAAAAAHHH.)

the evening picked up when i met up with old friends to send away my good friend rex who was going back to japan in a few days. the evening was just so fun and funny and heartwarming. of course, i was the brunt of all the evening's jokes because of my unfortunate mishap. but it was all good. a great way to start the year.




another great thing was that i was actually able to finish what i wanted to study for today's recitation. one bad thing is that i haven't studied for tomorrow and its waaay late. oh well. we can't have everything.

the blur of a vacation

things have looked up since christmas day. hanging around with zarah has done lots for my social life, and horrors for my health. ive been sick and sicker since the first night we went out.

its been a great vacation. weve gone on cheap lunches, expensive lunches, even more expensive dinners, mcdo breakfasts, extremely pricey non-yummy hot chocolate, a surprisingly scary tagalog movie which still has me getting nightmares, overnights, drives, a wedding, and a whole lotta starbucks nights, days, afternoons. it was lovely.

an even more interesting aspect of the whole hanging out thing (i almost never do, but am now a bit of a hangout monger since zarah's arrival) is that weve done it with our old old friend jacqui belle, and after many many years, were once again a trio of sorts.

jacqui has been leading us to a lot of interesting spots and adventures, such as: sitting around waiting for mr. wonderful to come into sight new year's day. semi-stalking someone in the middle of a crowded street. eating jollibee merienda at the most obscure jollibee this side of qc( well, not really, but its quite far.)

in the time that weve hung out together, ive discovered that: a) we are both very terrified of rica peralejo, and surprisingly unorthodox multos who appear in the middle of the day b)we share the crazy impulsiveness which make us the nutty people that we are c) we share the good-girlishness weve never outgrown. its reassuring to realize that were still quite the same though weve gone on to become very different people.

it felt really right to spend dec. 31 with the girls. very much like home.