hawaii is so lucky

my cousin left for the US today. she and her husband are migrating to hawaii. we haven't seen each other for years before this visit, and we were only too lucky to get to spend a few months with her here in the Philippines.

in a clan of 12 brothers and sisters, (i have over 100 first degree relatives) its hard to pick favorites. but growing up, and even up to now, she was always my favorite. she was everyone's favorite. we would fight about where she would sleep during summer vacations, who got to sit beside her in the car, and who would win the coveted title of "her favorite".

but i think i was the one (apart from her brothers and sisters) who loved her most. the proof is in the fact that when she was in the 6th grade and i was in the first grade she gave me the pajamas she made for class. sure, the leg lengths were uneven, and sure my head hurt when pulled it over (the hole was too tight for a normal sized head to get through), and sure my arms were the only arms that could actually fit comfortably into the arm holes (i weighed 42 lbs. and was known as the walking stick), but i wore that pajama set till it was worn out and gray.

when she was in high school and she gave me the first ever cross-stitch as a birthday gift, (it was the now i lay me down to sleep prayer in a makeshift frame wrapped with plastic), i hung it on my walls and it always had a prominent spot on my walls in our first, second, and third house. i still have it with me up to now, although i promised her i would change the frame and hang it where people can see it and i can laugh out loud when i see it.

she was the one who taught us how to make pastillas from powdered milk and condensed milk, how to appreciate art in nintendo games (we learned about satu from her), how to lie with a straight face (you wouldnt believe the whoppers she told - and that we believed. micoy, again, satu, and our first ideas about life, boys, sex, and everything else i needed to learn from the big sister i never had.)

she was with me when i got my first real suitor (grade 3), she was with me during the first and last time i really got hammered (january 2003 - don't ask), the first time i spent new year's away from the family, the first time i really sat down and watched disgusting porn, the few times that i allowed myself to cry in front of a human being (her). she was there for a lot of firsts, lasts, and in betweens. and im going to miss her so much.

hawaii is so lucky to have her.

these are pictures of her last night. and the fun we had. i will miss her so much. i cant stop saying it.

for those who seek inspiration

ive been quite consumed with finding inspiration to carry me from day to day lately. new things on the list now are:

- attempting to wake up early on a daily basis, and tomorrow is the beginning! buffet breakfast with blockmates at
something fishy! am so excited.
- attempting to put together the tuesday/thursday breakfast club. whoever wants to go!
- reading new books on the side of the piles of photocopied stuff. i might as well since i havent been doing the
reading anyway. perhaps relearning the art of cramming will permit me the occasional goodie book
- attempting to find some form of sport. perhaps in the weeks to come i will come across someone who WILL
want to learn how to rollerblade with me at the circle on saturday mornings. or get a good tennis instructor.
anyone?

in my search for inspiration came upon these quotes which i hope will inspire you too.

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After awhile you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept
your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads today
because tomorrow'w ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.
And after awhile you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get too much so you plant your
own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn...

Veronica A. Shoffstall

pretty good

Pretty Good

There once was a pretty good student,
Who sat in a pretty good class.
And was taught by a pretty good teacher,
Who always let pretty good pass.
He wasn't terrific at reading.
He wasn't a whiz-bang at math,
But for him education was leading
Straight down a pretty good path.
He didn't find school too exciting,
But he wanted to do pretty well,
And he did have some trouble with writing,
And nobody had taught him to spell.
When doing arithmetic problems,
Pretty good was regarded as fine.
Five plus 5 needn't always add up to be 10,
A pretty good answer was 9.
The pretty good class that he sat in,
Was part of a pretty good school.
And the student was not an exception,
On the contrary, he was the rule.
The pretty good school that he went to,
Was there in a pretty good town.
And nobody there seemed to notice
He could not tell a verb from a noun.
The pretty good student in fact was
Part of a pretty good mob.
And the first time he knew what he lacked was
When he looked for a pretty good job.
It was then, when he sought a position,
He discovered that life could be tough.
And he soon had a sneaky suspicion
Pretty good might not be good enough.
The pretty good town in our story
Was part of a pretty good state
Which had pretty good aspirations,
And prayed for a pretty good fate.
There once was a pretty good nation,
Pretty proud of the greatness it had,
Which learned much too late,
If you want to be great,
Pretty good is, in fact, pretty bad.”

-Charles Osgood

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oooh. this worries me. now, im not even average, let alone pretty good.