good God! my week has been so fast. i barely have enough time to remember and smile about it. Ilocos was wonderful. It really was! I screamed "Praise the Lord!" at the top of my lungs to random strangers on the road. I sang (and memorized) the words to BALA from manila to ilocos and back! i saw VIGAN and walked its cobbled streets...sat on the beach of pagudpud...photo shoot at patapat bridge! ate at the forever 50's resto in laoag...YOU TOUCH MY TRALALA!!! hihihi...sunbathed in la union!
i was so thankful. Grateful to God.
and buti na lang. God really fixes plans. He knew I would not be able to go to Lucena this weekend.
and this is where it gets even faster.
Rewind to friday morning. I am sitting in the Padilla Auditorium of the UP Law Center in my business attire and beach beads. Dazed, I hear the girl in front say that we have an mock recitation on Monday. I think...oh, a week away. And then, AND THEN, she says...you have a lot to read this weekend kasi its THIS COMING MONDAY. i gulp and hear lucena give its bye-byes to me.
Today, Sunday, I have yet to finish the first case...(all 150 pages of it) and make a digest. the second one awaits, but even now all the latin terms (sine qua non, funtus officio, quo warranto) are still swimming in my head. WHY DO THE JUDGES TALK THIS WAY?! my understanding has been so clouded over. last night, i was crying in front of my books kasi i was so scared i wouldn't be able to finish these two cases. these are just two cases! there will be days (and not just a few of them) that i will have 40 cases to read! and i cant get through these two blasted ones. i feel like crying all over again.
to those who are reading this, please pray that i survive. i am already feeling how inadequately prepared i am for the long haul. and the fear is getting to me. it really is.
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
crossroads
i dont know where to go. well, technically, ive decided already. i am going to go to ILOOCOOOSSS...with the guild people. but there are of course, things that will be set aside while i go gallivant and frolic in the northern sands.
things ill be sad to leave
my dad and bro (uy! totoo ba ito? my bro??? eh mabait naman siya. kaya pwede na rin)
my office roommates (pretty girls! and prettiest girl mandy. my jaboom twin. sino na lang kasabay ko sumayaw ng SUMUSUNOD SA GALAW MO?)
my work. hay. nakakahiya. 175 out of 470. susginoo. tawa lang kasi ako ng tawa sa office.
the clp (kahit na hirap ako sa pakikinig, parang nasasayangan din ako dun sa mamimiss ko siyempre)
my room. its become so comfortable.
things i dont mind leaving here
my pre-law school jitters. as in. theres more and more of them everyday.
my moms nagging about my weight.
the pressure of me not finishing my work.
hmm. but i suppose this trip IS a good thing. i mean, everything fell into place. that rarely happens. so i feel that God is smiling upon me and the other convenors (uyy whataword) of this trip. kasi it just got off. sailed smooth. well, we have yet to find out how smooth.
i feel exactly the same way about me working at the firm. ive been so happy. of course, parang joke lang yung work ko dun, but still, im happy with what i do, and with the people. i really am. i feel like i belong. so i feel God is smiling upon me too.
oh, and i almost forgot. I confirmed my slot for UP COLLEGE of LAW today. Ive decided! I am a maroon through and through. And I feel i will be challenged to learn more this way. May God help me with this new journey! Am so scared! I am!!!
things ill be sad to leave
my dad and bro (uy! totoo ba ito? my bro??? eh mabait naman siya. kaya pwede na rin)
my office roommates (pretty girls! and prettiest girl mandy. my jaboom twin. sino na lang kasabay ko sumayaw ng SUMUSUNOD SA GALAW MO?)
my work. hay. nakakahiya. 175 out of 470. susginoo. tawa lang kasi ako ng tawa sa office.
the clp (kahit na hirap ako sa pakikinig, parang nasasayangan din ako dun sa mamimiss ko siyempre)
my room. its become so comfortable.
things i dont mind leaving here
my pre-law school jitters. as in. theres more and more of them everyday.
my moms nagging about my weight.
the pressure of me not finishing my work.
hmm. but i suppose this trip IS a good thing. i mean, everything fell into place. that rarely happens. so i feel that God is smiling upon me and the other convenors (uyy whataword) of this trip. kasi it just got off. sailed smooth. well, we have yet to find out how smooth.
i feel exactly the same way about me working at the firm. ive been so happy. of course, parang joke lang yung work ko dun, but still, im happy with what i do, and with the people. i really am. i feel like i belong. so i feel God is smiling upon me too.
oh, and i almost forgot. I confirmed my slot for UP COLLEGE of LAW today. Ive decided! I am a maroon through and through. And I feel i will be challenged to learn more this way. May God help me with this new journey! Am so scared! I am!!!
Sunday, May 23, 2004
when the world is showing off
i think i am in love with Tuscany. No, with the world. Its filled with all of these wonderful things for us to delight in. Sometimes I wonder what made us so worthy.
I want to frolic in the fields. To run barefoot and be scared and be sure and be happy and be in love. I want to always feel this way. To never lose the childish innocence. And the awareness that what happens, happens. The bridge in the Alps that connected Venice to Vienna was built long before any train could pass it, but they built it anyway. Because they knew it would come. Beautiful.
"What are four walls anyway? They are what they contain. The house protects the dreamer. Unthinkably good things can happen. Even late in the game. It's such a surprise." -- from the movie Under the Tuscan Sun
I want to frolic in the fields. To run barefoot and be scared and be sure and be happy and be in love. I want to always feel this way. To never lose the childish innocence. And the awareness that what happens, happens. The bridge in the Alps that connected Venice to Vienna was built long before any train could pass it, but they built it anyway. Because they knew it would come. Beautiful.
"What are four walls anyway? They are what they contain. The house protects the dreamer. Unthinkably good things can happen. Even late in the game. It's such a surprise." -- from the movie Under the Tuscan Sun
Saturday, May 22, 2004
things i found in my high school filo-fax organizer
i wasn't expecting to be home today, but here i am, NOT in cebu, and again with nothing to do.
i think its just the right time to reminisce via my overstuffed and disorganized organizer of my life circa 1997-1999. tells you a lot about how i was...and surprisingly...still am.
i find it is filled to the brim with little notes and reminders to myself...and lists that i made.
one listed on a tell-tale pink paper reminds me of things i thought VITAL to my survival in college. (and a testament to how mababaw i really was as a senior in high school)
IA'S COLLEGE MUST-HAVES
blowdryer (check)
cd player (check)
cellphone (check)
high-heeled boxy-preppy shoes (check)
binder ----
2 more pairs of bootleg pants (check)
sleeved shirts (at least 15) (check)
big black bag (check)
big brown bag (check)
decent pair of shades (check)
small brown bag (check)
kikay kit (check)
at least 2 pairs each of black and brown shoes (check)
black comfy sandals (check)
handgel ----
clip (check)
pager ---- hehehe. hindi na ako inabot nito
coin purse (check)
key chain (check)
goodgod. maybe this was the time when i was starving myself...because i was verging on 100 lbs. i must have been lightheaded and delusional from hunger. i was beside myself laughing! never mind my books, etc. THESE WERE WHAT I NEEDED TO SURVIVE AS A BIMBO IN COLLEGE. hay.
moving on to the other stuff.
many little poem cards etc. and name tags specially done for me by my good friends. and many, many, calling cards also.
one which stands out says:
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." -- Philippians 4:13...this was a gift card given to me by a YFC girl whom I hosted before.
another is a note from my friend Lala, whom i performed with on the road tour of Bagong Silang the Musical (on the road for a month all over the Philippines) -- "IA! wala lang. sana itigil mo na ang kalokahan mo. sana makadikit kita. labs, Lalay."
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight." -- Proverbs 3:6 ... a gift card from Deb way before we were close.
aaaahhh. and letters from my glory days. hihihi. mga sulat sa akin ng mga crush ko. hay. now all i get in the mail are letters from the Honor Societies and American Universities i was applying to before I was going to law school.
ahh, but we come across a relevant piece of history. another list (hopefully one that can redeem me from the incriminating one above) with 101 wishes i wanted for that year and for my entire life. My prosec (personality development) teacher asked us to check stuff we accomplished as we went on with our lives. so here goes...
My 101 Wishes
1. i wish i would be closer to my mom
2. i want to go to Europe and maybe study there if i really
like it
3. i want to go back to US and Canada
4. i want a car for myself when i get to college
5. that i will really be bonded with my loveteam (read:yfc
group)
6. that even once, someone notices me because they find me
pretty
7. that i lose all of my skin problems
8. that i can finally learn how to wear my hair properly
9. that i get a phone in my room
10. to pass both UP and ateneo with the courses that I really
want
11. that i get closer to my brother
12. that i become at least 5"6. (asa pa)
13. that i lose weight (hay. and then i was like...105 lbs.)
14. that i have a really steady set of friends na i can just
be with all the time
15. that I get over R. if it's not meant to be (have i?)
16. someone really special to fall for me (hmm...may special
ba dun??? parang wala. hehehe)
17. ah. a really special man of God who is (choke) stable, and good-looking, and emotionally strong to marry me (so...i Do believe in marriage pala)
18. a degree in Law (OOOOHHH! proof i really did want it!
19. regular spending allowance for myself when i want new stuff
20. spending allowance for gimmicks
21. HAHAHA. this is funny. a cute boyfriend by the 2nd sem of the 2nd year in college (well, we can all hope. but we know how that turned out. bigyan ba ng ultimatum ang sarili?)
22. for my face to look good kahit na walang makeup
23. for me to be poised yet fun. (hehehe. i am the reigning and resident dulas queen. having fallen on my butt in front of every frat tambayan in the UP campus)
24. high recognition when i graduate (high school...well, pwede na rin)
25. (choke. kahit na nakakahiya ilalagay ko na rin) a modelling career. san ka pa? hooboy. pag nagra-rugby ka nga naman.
26. a nice apartment.
27. a nice house when I'm married.
28. beautiful, smart and nice children -- when I'm married to the right guy and NOT a day before
29. a pager and a phone.
30. latin honors when i graduate college (CUM LAUDE!!! wooohhoooo!!!)
31. CD player and radio in my room (kelan na nga ba ako nagkaron nito?)
32. cable TV in our house (because when we transferred to the new house we didn't get it till like, 6 months after)
33. a video library (i have a F*R*I*E*N*D*S library and sex and the city...pwede na ba yun? Ü)
34. active college life (hehehe. thanks to my friends)
35. high paying job in Makati or in the States (i got a paying job in Makati. not high, but high profile i suppose. which i QUIT. YEHEY!)
36. for the Gs to go away and leave us in peace
37. that i get rid of my ugly habits
38. to readily forgive those who hurt me
39. to have a complete kikay kit ( i think...i have achieved it. hihihi.)
40. to have an up-to-date wardrobe that never goes out of style. (hihihi. anlandikotalaga.)
41. to finish my cross-stitch (i never did. but, i paid someone else to finish it. hehehe)
42. to be part of the editorial staff of the College school paper. (it no longer became a priority. and i stopped wanting to be elizabeth wakefield. hihihi. was part of cooler groups! woohoo! BROADGUILD!!! YFC!!!)
43. to have a good hairdryer
44. less porma and pa-cool and backbiting in the world
45. the ability to be secure in being alone (after 4 months alone in new york...ive come to like it Ü)
46. less pressure from my parents (now i dont really mind the pressure. i thrive on it. hayop.)
47. to be a fantastic dancer ( because i am a dancer. mwehehee. a belly dancer)
48. to be a fantastic piano player
49. to be the lead singer of a band (hay.)
50. to have a fun debut (i wanted it pala)
51. to write a bestseller
52. to bake when i want to and not get fat. (uhmmm...)
53. to be seen as a multi-talented person (maybe when i pretend to be somebody else....like deng. mwehehe)
54. to be someone like Cheche Lazaro if i end up not going into law (but hwatabout my favorite karen davila?!) hihihi.
55. to paint and draw really really well. (does one exhibit count? i did have one in the not so distant past. in discovery suites. protege)
56. to have a really nice first kiss (feeling phoebe sa friends Ü)
57. to stay at a hotel with my friends whenever (i lived in a hotel for a month! i never even thought mafu-fulfill ko to! kewlio. pyfps...pi, jolly good!)
58. to have a very fulfilling prayer life
59. to be in great shape even when i have kids
60. to be fairer ( now, ayoko na. negras rule!!! deng and chely!)
61. to be an active part of CFC (uhmm. singles nga hindi ko matapos eh)
62. walang 62! nagskip! syet.
63. to have all the bags i need (and for more, you can call me baglady)
64. for my family to have a fun holiday in Baguio (odiba? baguio lang gusto ko puntahan nun. but read: really enjoyable)
65. to go on a shopping spree in Hongkong like we used to
66. to have a surprise party with all my friends and all the stuff i want. (hihhi. i remember the surprise where my friends hid in my bathroom for over 30 mins. sorry po!)
67. to be able to teach little kids like that girl on TV, Lani da Silva (ang dami ko naman careers na gusto)
68. i wish i had doors in my bathroom (the major one is there, but no shower curtain still. hihihihi)
69. a jacuzzi!
70. for me to stop shaving my legs, and all the hair to just stop growing. forever.
71. to be friendly and popular in college. (ehehehe. im like, an elizabeth wakefield wannabe)
72. that i do something truly meaningful for myself, my family, and for others
73. that I pass the Bar with high scores and in only one take
74. the ability to act convincingly ( i wonder why i wanted this? )
75. good time management (to have time for everything i want. hmm. parang sabog pa rin ako)
76. that me and my husband will live to see our grandchildren get married.
77. to be an executive-type (hihihi. now i want not to be so much of that)
78. that i get over my asthma ( hoooboy. pant pant pant)
79. aircon in my room (yeheyyy!)
80. to spend a week out of town with my friends (have i? i want more!!!)
81. that i be physically fit even when im old (hay. im not fit now. pano na yan?)
82. that my family goes out to eat always ( like...now, i think ive eaten too much.)
83. that i always have money for gas (i think...i always did naman. when i drove pa)
84. that i have a boutique or a store of some sort thats successful
85. that i have a fantastic relationship with my kids
86. that i become computer savvy (hihihi. i cried working on excel when i was still in starcom. pakshet. pano ba i-unhide???!)
87. for my crushes to be reciprocated (hihihi. im like, an adorable girl...flutter flutter)
88. that i dont end up with those old ladies who loooovvveee D.I.s and ballroom like crazy.
89. a rich yet purposeful lifestyle/life
90. to be able to take my parents to wherever they wanna go.
91. to be able to pay for my brother's schooling
92. to be married as a virgin to the person i love most
93. to have all the shoes i want! (hehehe)
94. to be able to love unconditionally
95. to win at something great
96. for me to have the guts to be the leader in big things
97. that i could do something worthwhile and relevant for streetkids
98. that my parents will live to see my kids get married
99. that my loved ones will find financial stability
100. that i can build fantastic relationships
101. --- im saving this for the best wish ever. i have yet to find out what that is.
when i read the list, i find that i am not as different from then as i expected myself to be. but whats different now is that im fine with it.
makapal pa tong filo ko...more lists next time! what a way to spend the day. hope it inspires you to make lists of your own!
i think its just the right time to reminisce via my overstuffed and disorganized organizer of my life circa 1997-1999. tells you a lot about how i was...and surprisingly...still am.
i find it is filled to the brim with little notes and reminders to myself...and lists that i made.
one listed on a tell-tale pink paper reminds me of things i thought VITAL to my survival in college. (and a testament to how mababaw i really was as a senior in high school)
IA'S COLLEGE MUST-HAVES
blowdryer (check)
cd player (check)
cellphone (check)
high-heeled boxy-preppy shoes (check)
binder ----
2 more pairs of bootleg pants (check)
sleeved shirts (at least 15) (check)
big black bag (check)
big brown bag (check)
decent pair of shades (check)
small brown bag (check)
kikay kit (check)
at least 2 pairs each of black and brown shoes (check)
black comfy sandals (check)
handgel ----
clip (check)
pager ---- hehehe. hindi na ako inabot nito
coin purse (check)
key chain (check)
goodgod. maybe this was the time when i was starving myself...because i was verging on 100 lbs. i must have been lightheaded and delusional from hunger. i was beside myself laughing! never mind my books, etc. THESE WERE WHAT I NEEDED TO SURVIVE AS A BIMBO IN COLLEGE. hay.
moving on to the other stuff.
many little poem cards etc. and name tags specially done for me by my good friends. and many, many, calling cards also.
one which stands out says:
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." -- Philippians 4:13...this was a gift card given to me by a YFC girl whom I hosted before.
another is a note from my friend Lala, whom i performed with on the road tour of Bagong Silang the Musical (on the road for a month all over the Philippines) -- "IA! wala lang. sana itigil mo na ang kalokahan mo. sana makadikit kita. labs, Lalay."
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight." -- Proverbs 3:6 ... a gift card from Deb way before we were close.
aaaahhh. and letters from my glory days. hihihi. mga sulat sa akin ng mga crush ko. hay. now all i get in the mail are letters from the Honor Societies and American Universities i was applying to before I was going to law school.
ahh, but we come across a relevant piece of history. another list (hopefully one that can redeem me from the incriminating one above) with 101 wishes i wanted for that year and for my entire life. My prosec (personality development) teacher asked us to check stuff we accomplished as we went on with our lives. so here goes...
My 101 Wishes
1. i wish i would be closer to my mom
2. i want to go to Europe and maybe study there if i really
like it
3. i want to go back to US and Canada
4. i want a car for myself when i get to college
5. that i will really be bonded with my loveteam (read:yfc
group)
6. that even once, someone notices me because they find me
pretty
7. that i lose all of my skin problems
8. that i can finally learn how to wear my hair properly
9. that i get a phone in my room
10. to pass both UP and ateneo with the courses that I really
want
11. that i get closer to my brother
12. that i become at least 5"6. (asa pa)
13. that i lose weight (hay. and then i was like...105 lbs.)
14. that i have a really steady set of friends na i can just
be with all the time
15. that I get over R. if it's not meant to be (have i?)
16. someone really special to fall for me (hmm...may special
ba dun??? parang wala. hehehe)
17. ah. a really special man of God who is (choke) stable, and good-looking, and emotionally strong to marry me (so...i Do believe in marriage pala)
18. a degree in Law (OOOOHHH! proof i really did want it!
19. regular spending allowance for myself when i want new stuff
20. spending allowance for gimmicks
21. HAHAHA. this is funny. a cute boyfriend by the 2nd sem of the 2nd year in college (well, we can all hope. but we know how that turned out. bigyan ba ng ultimatum ang sarili?)
22. for my face to look good kahit na walang makeup
23. for me to be poised yet fun. (hehehe. i am the reigning and resident dulas queen. having fallen on my butt in front of every frat tambayan in the UP campus)
24. high recognition when i graduate (high school...well, pwede na rin)
25. (choke. kahit na nakakahiya ilalagay ko na rin) a modelling career. san ka pa? hooboy. pag nagra-rugby ka nga naman.
26. a nice apartment.
27. a nice house when I'm married.
28. beautiful, smart and nice children -- when I'm married to the right guy and NOT a day before
29. a pager and a phone.
30. latin honors when i graduate college (CUM LAUDE!!! wooohhoooo!!!)
31. CD player and radio in my room (kelan na nga ba ako nagkaron nito?)
32. cable TV in our house (because when we transferred to the new house we didn't get it till like, 6 months after)
33. a video library (i have a F*R*I*E*N*D*S library and sex and the city...pwede na ba yun? Ü)
34. active college life (hehehe. thanks to my friends)
35. high paying job in Makati or in the States (i got a paying job in Makati. not high, but high profile i suppose. which i QUIT. YEHEY!)
36. for the Gs to go away and leave us in peace
37. that i get rid of my ugly habits
38. to readily forgive those who hurt me
39. to have a complete kikay kit ( i think...i have achieved it. hihihi.)
40. to have an up-to-date wardrobe that never goes out of style. (hihihi. anlandikotalaga.)
41. to finish my cross-stitch (i never did. but, i paid someone else to finish it. hehehe)
42. to be part of the editorial staff of the College school paper. (it no longer became a priority. and i stopped wanting to be elizabeth wakefield. hihihi. was part of cooler groups! woohoo! BROADGUILD!!! YFC!!!)
43. to have a good hairdryer
44. less porma and pa-cool and backbiting in the world
45. the ability to be secure in being alone (after 4 months alone in new york...ive come to like it Ü)
46. less pressure from my parents (now i dont really mind the pressure. i thrive on it. hayop.)
47. to be a fantastic dancer ( because i am a dancer. mwehehee. a belly dancer)
48. to be a fantastic piano player
49. to be the lead singer of a band (hay.)
50. to have a fun debut (i wanted it pala)
51. to write a bestseller
52. to bake when i want to and not get fat. (uhmmm...)
53. to be seen as a multi-talented person (maybe when i pretend to be somebody else....like deng. mwehehe)
54. to be someone like Cheche Lazaro if i end up not going into law (but hwatabout my favorite karen davila?!) hihihi.
55. to paint and draw really really well. (does one exhibit count? i did have one in the not so distant past. in discovery suites. protege)
56. to have a really nice first kiss (feeling phoebe sa friends Ü)
57. to stay at a hotel with my friends whenever (i lived in a hotel for a month! i never even thought mafu-fulfill ko to! kewlio. pyfps...pi, jolly good!)
58. to have a very fulfilling prayer life
59. to be in great shape even when i have kids
60. to be fairer ( now, ayoko na. negras rule!!! deng and chely!)
61. to be an active part of CFC (uhmm. singles nga hindi ko matapos eh)
62. walang 62! nagskip! syet.
63. to have all the bags i need (and for more, you can call me baglady)
64. for my family to have a fun holiday in Baguio (odiba? baguio lang gusto ko puntahan nun. but read: really enjoyable)
65. to go on a shopping spree in Hongkong like we used to
66. to have a surprise party with all my friends and all the stuff i want. (hihhi. i remember the surprise where my friends hid in my bathroom for over 30 mins. sorry po!)
67. to be able to teach little kids like that girl on TV, Lani da Silva (ang dami ko naman careers na gusto)
68. i wish i had doors in my bathroom (the major one is there, but no shower curtain still. hihihihi)
69. a jacuzzi!
70. for me to stop shaving my legs, and all the hair to just stop growing. forever.
71. to be friendly and popular in college. (ehehehe. im like, an elizabeth wakefield wannabe)
72. that i do something truly meaningful for myself, my family, and for others
73. that I pass the Bar with high scores and in only one take
74. the ability to act convincingly ( i wonder why i wanted this? )
75. good time management (to have time for everything i want. hmm. parang sabog pa rin ako)
76. that me and my husband will live to see our grandchildren get married.
77. to be an executive-type (hihihi. now i want not to be so much of that)
78. that i get over my asthma ( hoooboy. pant pant pant)
79. aircon in my room (yeheyyy!)
80. to spend a week out of town with my friends (have i? i want more!!!)
81. that i be physically fit even when im old (hay. im not fit now. pano na yan?)
82. that my family goes out to eat always ( like...now, i think ive eaten too much.)
83. that i always have money for gas (i think...i always did naman. when i drove pa)
84. that i have a boutique or a store of some sort thats successful
85. that i have a fantastic relationship with my kids
86. that i become computer savvy (hihihi. i cried working on excel when i was still in starcom. pakshet. pano ba i-unhide???!)
87. for my crushes to be reciprocated (hihihi. im like, an adorable girl...flutter flutter)
88. that i dont end up with those old ladies who loooovvveee D.I.s and ballroom like crazy.
89. a rich yet purposeful lifestyle/life
90. to be able to take my parents to wherever they wanna go.
91. to be able to pay for my brother's schooling
92. to be married as a virgin to the person i love most
93. to have all the shoes i want! (hehehe)
94. to be able to love unconditionally
95. to win at something great
96. for me to have the guts to be the leader in big things
97. that i could do something worthwhile and relevant for streetkids
98. that my parents will live to see my kids get married
99. that my loved ones will find financial stability
100. that i can build fantastic relationships
101. --- im saving this for the best wish ever. i have yet to find out what that is.
when i read the list, i find that i am not as different from then as i expected myself to be. but whats different now is that im fine with it.
makapal pa tong filo ko...more lists next time! what a way to spend the day. hope it inspires you to make lists of your own!
Thursday, May 20, 2004
my future
which is better? which looks better?
this?
or this?
here my future lies. does it really matter that much where i choose to go?
here i thought my mind was made up. and now im...well, a BIT confused.
and a whole lot annoyed at my day still.
though...for posterity's sake...
I PASSED UP COLLEGE OF LAW TODAY!
and here i thought i wouldn't get in. God must be smiling on me. Despite my grumpy-girl mode. I am sorry God!
I really am. I wish I could be happier.
Maybe later i will try again.
this?
or this?
here my future lies. does it really matter that much where i choose to go?
here i thought my mind was made up. and now im...well, a BIT confused.
and a whole lot annoyed at my day still.
though...for posterity's sake...
I PASSED UP COLLEGE OF LAW TODAY!
and here i thought i wouldn't get in. God must be smiling on me. Despite my grumpy-girl mode. I am sorry God!
I really am. I wish I could be happier.
Maybe later i will try again.
rants
all of a sudden my mood turned sour. so many things i want to rant about.
and chely's post on hates really got me riled even more. for those not lucky enough to stalk chely on a regular basis...i shall post parts of chely's wise rants about friendster. to get me started.
---on friendster---
hate #23: those PRETTYFACES or HEARTTHROBS or MANILA's FINEST accounts that just endlessly seem to pop out people's friendster accounts. what is up with those?! is it some elite club you have to be a part of to validate how good you look? or worse, that you really are a beach babe and go to boracay often enough to be a member of such an exclusive friendster account? the hell.
hate#24: testimonials from the said accounts to further tell the friendster world that HEY I AM A PRETTY FACE! THE OWNER OF THIS ACCOUNT CERTIFIES SO! the definition of tacky has never been so clear.
hate#25,26,27: people who seem to be making their friendster accounts an advertisement of themselves. and to make it even more bulok, they try to seem all pseudo-intelligent by posting the most popular reads as their favorite books or the most reviewed art 'deep' films as their favorite flick of all times. friendster=trendster. and to make it the MOST bulok, the owner of the said profile is someone you know and you very well know what lies has just been presented to the world wide web.
hate#28: pictures in 'bora' or whatever beach, AT SOLO PA AH! or with the back facing the camera, or just a silhouette by the sunset.. oo na, nag-beach ka na at iyong kabaranggayanan. (plus, wow, artsy ka pala..) BAH.
hate#29: testimonials that go like this: "remember when we were younger and i had bangs then you would come over to my house and wake me up cos i'm so batugan. grabe, come to think of it, i never wake up early cos i'm always out on gimmicks e. tapos your mom would bake me cookies and i'd eat all 3 dozens of them in one sitting. HAHA! i'm so matakaw talaga.." ano ba yun, testimonial sa sarili nya?!
hate#30: testimonials with all those graphics that fill up the entire page and all it says is: FRIEND KO 'TO or a huge smiley with TAKE CARE! HAVE A NICE DAY! at the end. the futility of it all, my goodness.
hate#22: people who REPEATEDLY ask for testimonials. what the heck is up with that? can't you live without someone testifying your greatness? must a pseudo-palanca letter (minus all the bad traits, of course) be in a testimonial for the world online to see? honestly, i do enjoy receiving testimonials cos it's nice to hear from your friends voluntarily but it's just so weird to ask for it or even demand it from someone. wait for your turn, honey. if they don't wanna give you one, deal with it. you won't die. believe me.
WISE. WISE. WISE.
now for MY rants.
discussion group leaders who are waaaaayyy into themselves to want to actually have a discussion. EH BAT NAG-DISCUSSION PA TAYO KUNG IKAW LANG MAGSASALITA?! angsamakoba? its been like this every week. hindi ko alam if im sour about the whole thing or if im the only one wise enough to notice.
BIG RANT
me not remembering everything i want to rant about. (LIKE NOW.) grrrr....i really really wanna get riled up. its like the perfect insult you remember only when the person who deserves it is long gone.
a thick tongue. why all of a sudden i have one, i cannot even BEGIN to comprehend. its so hard to talk!!!
am annoyed also because ive continuously allowed myself to get so lazy with regards to my work. tuloy parang mas tanga at tamad pa ako kay junior. bwisiiiitttt.
and im saddened because i was thinking about things to write today and almost all of my ideas were happy, enlightening ones. i was so eager to learn many things at the clp today. and i ended up not learning anything at all. or rather, whatever i learned was overshadowed by all of these rants lurking in my heart.
but at the idea of maybe turning my mood around, and of all the other people reading....kung meron pa...i hope you learn from this too...
HE SAID IT! ------------------
by Max Lucado
God’s efforts are strongest when our efforts are useless.
Go back to Bethesda for a moment. I want you to look at the brief but
revealing dialogue between the paralytic and the Savior. Before Jesus
heals him, he asks him a question: “Do you want to be well?”
“Sir, there is no one to help me get into the pool when the water
starts moving. While I am coming to the water, someone else always gets
in before me” (John 5:7).
Is the fellow complaining? Is he feeling sorry for himself? Or is he
just stating the facts? Who knows. But before we think about it too
much, look what happens next.
“‘Stand up. Pick up your mat and walk.’”
“And immediately the man was well; he picked up his mat and began to
walk.”
I wish we would do that; I wish we would take Jesus at his word. I
wish, like heaven, that we would learn that when he says something, it
happens. What is this peculiar paralysis that confines us? What is this
stubborn unwillingness to be healed? When Jesus tells us to stand,
let’s stand.
When he says we’re forgiven, let’s unload the guilt.
When he says we’re valuable, let’s believe him.
When he says we’re eternal, let’s bury our fear.
When he says we’re provided for, let’s stop worrying.
When he says, “Stand up,” let’s do it.
I love the story of the private who ran after and caught the runaway
horse of Napoleon. When he brought the animal back to the emperor,
Napoleon thanked him by saying, “Thank you, Captain.”
With one word the private was promoted. When the emperor said it, the
private believed it. He went to the quartermaster, selected a new
uniform, and put it on. He went to the officers’ quarters and selected
a bunk. He went to the officers’ mess and had a meal.
Because the emperor said it, he believed it. Would that we would do the
same.
Is this your story? It can be. All the elements are the same. A gentle
stranger has stepped into your hurting world and offered you a hand.
Now it’s up to you to take it.
and chely's post on hates really got me riled even more. for those not lucky enough to stalk chely on a regular basis...i shall post parts of chely's wise rants about friendster. to get me started.
---on friendster---
hate #23: those PRETTYFACES or HEARTTHROBS or MANILA's FINEST accounts that just endlessly seem to pop out people's friendster accounts. what is up with those?! is it some elite club you have to be a part of to validate how good you look? or worse, that you really are a beach babe and go to boracay often enough to be a member of such an exclusive friendster account? the hell.
hate#24: testimonials from the said accounts to further tell the friendster world that HEY I AM A PRETTY FACE! THE OWNER OF THIS ACCOUNT CERTIFIES SO! the definition of tacky has never been so clear.
hate#25,26,27: people who seem to be making their friendster accounts an advertisement of themselves. and to make it even more bulok, they try to seem all pseudo-intelligent by posting the most popular reads as their favorite books or the most reviewed art 'deep' films as their favorite flick of all times. friendster=trendster. and to make it the MOST bulok, the owner of the said profile is someone you know and you very well know what lies has just been presented to the world wide web.
hate#28: pictures in 'bora' or whatever beach, AT SOLO PA AH! or with the back facing the camera, or just a silhouette by the sunset.. oo na, nag-beach ka na at iyong kabaranggayanan. (plus, wow, artsy ka pala..) BAH.
hate#29: testimonials that go like this: "remember when we were younger and i had bangs then you would come over to my house and wake me up cos i'm so batugan. grabe, come to think of it, i never wake up early cos i'm always out on gimmicks e. tapos your mom would bake me cookies and i'd eat all 3 dozens of them in one sitting. HAHA! i'm so matakaw talaga.." ano ba yun, testimonial sa sarili nya?!
hate#30: testimonials with all those graphics that fill up the entire page and all it says is: FRIEND KO 'TO or a huge smiley with TAKE CARE! HAVE A NICE DAY! at the end. the futility of it all, my goodness.
hate#22: people who REPEATEDLY ask for testimonials. what the heck is up with that? can't you live without someone testifying your greatness? must a pseudo-palanca letter (minus all the bad traits, of course) be in a testimonial for the world online to see? honestly, i do enjoy receiving testimonials cos it's nice to hear from your friends voluntarily but it's just so weird to ask for it or even demand it from someone. wait for your turn, honey. if they don't wanna give you one, deal with it. you won't die. believe me.
WISE. WISE. WISE.
now for MY rants.
discussion group leaders who are waaaaayyy into themselves to want to actually have a discussion. EH BAT NAG-DISCUSSION PA TAYO KUNG IKAW LANG MAGSASALITA?! angsamakoba? its been like this every week. hindi ko alam if im sour about the whole thing or if im the only one wise enough to notice.
BIG RANT
me not remembering everything i want to rant about. (LIKE NOW.) grrrr....i really really wanna get riled up. its like the perfect insult you remember only when the person who deserves it is long gone.
a thick tongue. why all of a sudden i have one, i cannot even BEGIN to comprehend. its so hard to talk!!!
am annoyed also because ive continuously allowed myself to get so lazy with regards to my work. tuloy parang mas tanga at tamad pa ako kay junior. bwisiiiitttt.
and im saddened because i was thinking about things to write today and almost all of my ideas were happy, enlightening ones. i was so eager to learn many things at the clp today. and i ended up not learning anything at all. or rather, whatever i learned was overshadowed by all of these rants lurking in my heart.
but at the idea of maybe turning my mood around, and of all the other people reading....kung meron pa...i hope you learn from this too...
HE SAID IT! ------------------
by Max Lucado
God’s efforts are strongest when our efforts are useless.
Go back to Bethesda for a moment. I want you to look at the brief but
revealing dialogue between the paralytic and the Savior. Before Jesus
heals him, he asks him a question: “Do you want to be well?”
“Sir, there is no one to help me get into the pool when the water
starts moving. While I am coming to the water, someone else always gets
in before me” (John 5:7).
Is the fellow complaining? Is he feeling sorry for himself? Or is he
just stating the facts? Who knows. But before we think about it too
much, look what happens next.
“‘Stand up. Pick up your mat and walk.’”
“And immediately the man was well; he picked up his mat and began to
walk.”
I wish we would do that; I wish we would take Jesus at his word. I
wish, like heaven, that we would learn that when he says something, it
happens. What is this peculiar paralysis that confines us? What is this
stubborn unwillingness to be healed? When Jesus tells us to stand,
let’s stand.
When he says we’re forgiven, let’s unload the guilt.
When he says we’re valuable, let’s believe him.
When he says we’re eternal, let’s bury our fear.
When he says we’re provided for, let’s stop worrying.
When he says, “Stand up,” let’s do it.
I love the story of the private who ran after and caught the runaway
horse of Napoleon. When he brought the animal back to the emperor,
Napoleon thanked him by saying, “Thank you, Captain.”
With one word the private was promoted. When the emperor said it, the
private believed it. He went to the quartermaster, selected a new
uniform, and put it on. He went to the officers’ quarters and selected
a bunk. He went to the officers’ mess and had a meal.
Because the emperor said it, he believed it. Would that we would do the
same.
Is this your story? It can be. All the elements are the same. A gentle
stranger has stepped into your hurting world and offered you a hand.
Now it’s up to you to take it.
Monday, May 17, 2004
delusions
im watching an oprah replay and this girl is on who's talking about how prepared she is for a career in auto-eroticism. she seems to believe so much in what she's doing, that she is indirectly selling herself for sex to put herself through college. and she's justifying it by saying..."its auto-eroticism, it puts money on the table...it happens.:"
and yet she seems so articulate and forceful about it.
its sad.
i find it sad for me and for all the girls who believe so firmly in that trade.
i find it sad for me, because they seem to have more faith in themselves and in what they do there than i do in myself now. as im about to embark on this whole new journey.
everyday i seem to find more things to doubt about myself. its a challenge to convince myself that there are enough things to believe for me to just walk through everything everyday.
aaaahhh. but how true. this guy on oprah was talking about how we need to go through all of these experiences...to fail, to doubt ourselves, to be able to dig deep and come out and deliver ourselves to our dreams. we need to go through that to get there. how apt.
somehow i just feel like im drifting through everything. sometimes i dont even remember the stuff i go through. for now, all thats important is that i allow myself to go through them.
that being said...here's a dilemma. should i go to cebu this weekend? ive been wishy-washy about it because on my own, i know i can't afford it. i dont know if i deserve it, but i dont know that i dont. i want to though...and i do have money with my dad (left over from the trip). i dont know when i can do this again (when school starts) but i do know that i need to start this dream (to travel the country one island at a time) if i dont do it now when i still can. i don't know if im patterning (is there such a word? damn! i keep interrupting myself!!!) this after my friend...but i do know that its a worthwhile idea. and one that is not completely exclusive to anyone.
another thing i need to convince myself about.
does anyone wanna join me? why cant i go on my own?
help!!!
and yet she seems so articulate and forceful about it.
its sad.
i find it sad for me and for all the girls who believe so firmly in that trade.
i find it sad for me, because they seem to have more faith in themselves and in what they do there than i do in myself now. as im about to embark on this whole new journey.
everyday i seem to find more things to doubt about myself. its a challenge to convince myself that there are enough things to believe for me to just walk through everything everyday.
aaaahhh. but how true. this guy on oprah was talking about how we need to go through all of these experiences...to fail, to doubt ourselves, to be able to dig deep and come out and deliver ourselves to our dreams. we need to go through that to get there. how apt.
somehow i just feel like im drifting through everything. sometimes i dont even remember the stuff i go through. for now, all thats important is that i allow myself to go through them.
that being said...here's a dilemma. should i go to cebu this weekend? ive been wishy-washy about it because on my own, i know i can't afford it. i dont know if i deserve it, but i dont know that i dont. i want to though...and i do have money with my dad (left over from the trip). i dont know when i can do this again (when school starts) but i do know that i need to start this dream (to travel the country one island at a time) if i dont do it now when i still can. i don't know if im patterning (is there such a word? damn! i keep interrupting myself!!!) this after my friend...but i do know that its a worthwhile idea. and one that is not completely exclusive to anyone.
another thing i need to convince myself about.
does anyone wanna join me? why cant i go on my own?
help!!!
Sunday, May 16, 2004
little things that give me hope
Danish prince marries Commoner.
Denmark's Crown Prince Frederik and his new wife Crown Princess Mary smile following their wedding ceremony at the Our Lady's Church in Copenhagen on Friday.
its been so long since something like this happened! or has been condoned.
this was the first headline that stuck to me today, and i guess it gives me hope.
our trip to tarlac for my lola's 80th birthday was cancelled because my dad got sick again. it scaring me still, because we don't know what we can do to control his hypertension except hope for the best and try not to stress him out. so him, my bro and me (all of our relatives, with our family "doctor" who is my uncle have gone to tarlac since last night) have been trying to take it easy, and making it easy for him. we cooked, cleaned, (the maids are gone as well) and ran around making sure he wasn't bleeding again.
somehow, in spite of all this, seeing that headline made me feel a bit safer, sensing that nice things like that still happen in the world.
making me less scared that should my dad have to leave us unexpectedly, i can still manage to survive in a world that allows for things like that to happen.
i have to check up on my dad.
May God bless you and all of your families!
Denmark's Crown Prince Frederik and his new wife Crown Princess Mary smile following their wedding ceremony at the Our Lady's Church in Copenhagen on Friday.
its been so long since something like this happened! or has been condoned.
this was the first headline that stuck to me today, and i guess it gives me hope.
our trip to tarlac for my lola's 80th birthday was cancelled because my dad got sick again. it scaring me still, because we don't know what we can do to control his hypertension except hope for the best and try not to stress him out. so him, my bro and me (all of our relatives, with our family "doctor" who is my uncle have gone to tarlac since last night) have been trying to take it easy, and making it easy for him. we cooked, cleaned, (the maids are gone as well) and ran around making sure he wasn't bleeding again.
somehow, in spite of all this, seeing that headline made me feel a bit safer, sensing that nice things like that still happen in the world.
making me less scared that should my dad have to leave us unexpectedly, i can still manage to survive in a world that allows for things like that to happen.
i have to check up on my dad.
May God bless you and all of your families!
Saturday, May 15, 2004
missing the broadstuff
i finished marathon-editing today. ten hours for my lola's birthday video.
i missed it. the whole staying up and cutting shots and audio and choosing bed music and texts and naming files and all that crap. i really did.
all of a sudden im so excited to start on this prospect docu im hoping to be given.
is this normal? is this because im going to law school? i chanced upon this photographer guy's blog and his posts were all so focused on honing his skill. and here i am, wanting to melt into everything all at the same time. photography, writing, painting, sketching, producing videos, producing events. like my skin and the possibility of law school is the only thing keeping me from going into all places at one time.
maybe i can do it on the side. everything. in seasons...like the kaingin. tama ba yun? but i will always be a jill-of-all-trades, master of none.
sometimes i wish i just had this one passion instead of many. so i wouldnt have to constantly be pulled apart trying to decide where to focus my attentions next.
but i think the video i did was great. especially considering the time and the materials that i was given.
really good. but i dont want to end up reporting or writing the news.
and i do want to be a lawyer.
and travel the country.
and travel the world.
and be a multiple success.
a MULTIPLE success.
i missed it. the whole staying up and cutting shots and audio and choosing bed music and texts and naming files and all that crap. i really did.
all of a sudden im so excited to start on this prospect docu im hoping to be given.
is this normal? is this because im going to law school? i chanced upon this photographer guy's blog and his posts were all so focused on honing his skill. and here i am, wanting to melt into everything all at the same time. photography, writing, painting, sketching, producing videos, producing events. like my skin and the possibility of law school is the only thing keeping me from going into all places at one time.
maybe i can do it on the side. everything. in seasons...like the kaingin. tama ba yun? but i will always be a jill-of-all-trades, master of none.
sometimes i wish i just had this one passion instead of many. so i wouldnt have to constantly be pulled apart trying to decide where to focus my attentions next.
but i think the video i did was great. especially considering the time and the materials that i was given.
really good. but i dont want to end up reporting or writing the news.
and i do want to be a lawyer.
and travel the country.
and travel the world.
and be a multiple success.
a MULTIPLE success.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
hmm. future destinations?
wont beat around the bush -- I PASSED ATENEO TODAY!!!
passed! no wait-list, no interviews...cool.
it was what i originally wanted when i started applying i think, but know, i feel differently.
is it because so many of the people ive met from there are so stuck up? i dont wanna turn out like them.
maybe its because i just really really wanna go to UP. it seems funner. less pressure, better environment, better training. ahh. said like a true UP girl.
but, as i told pi, it all depends where God wants me i suppose. hindi pa naman certain ang UP prospects ko. wont know till may ends.
but still, at least im sure ill be going to school in June.
thank you God!
passed! no wait-list, no interviews...cool.
it was what i originally wanted when i started applying i think, but know, i feel differently.
is it because so many of the people ive met from there are so stuck up? i dont wanna turn out like them.
maybe its because i just really really wanna go to UP. it seems funner. less pressure, better environment, better training. ahh. said like a true UP girl.
but, as i told pi, it all depends where God wants me i suppose. hindi pa naman certain ang UP prospects ko. wont know till may ends.
but still, at least im sure ill be going to school in June.
thank you God!
tying my shoelaces
i feel like im getting ready to run the race.
i forgot to write about what i learned from the clp yesterday, but i think it is relevant. we were sharing about loving your neighbor, and i was talking about how difficult i found it for me to love the poor. i feel like they weren't doing enough to help themselves, drinking themselves sick and having more children than they could afford to raise, etc, especially since that mishap we had with the drunkard last week. but then this girl started talking about how she read in the bible (in her own words) that no one said loving would be easy, because anyone can love those who are dear to them. even criminals do their vengeful acts because they love themselves too much, because they love their families, because they love their friends, so merely loving those we choose to love is not enough. oo nga naman. ang galing lang. it is true, and i should make an effort. the whole concept hasnt completely sunk into my brain yet, but at least the seed is there.
this evening, i was at a meeting with pyfp ncr because we were planning a project for nation-building. cant talk about it yet, but it makes me happy that were finally getting our feet wet at the very least. i really do pledge my commitment to this. it makes me happy that i can attempt to do my part.
i heard somewhere that the little trivialities (is this a redundancy?) are just colored bubbles. so lets just say that the whole depressing spell ive been through this week has been a bout with colored bubbles. lots of them.
i dont mind running into them i suppose. ill run OVER them. ahh. the smart way.
ive been thinking too that maybe God has heard some of my worries, or at least is listening in on my pity parties (although im the only one invited)...siguro he is fixing things so that i can begin becoming the person i want to be. i feel that he is. showing me that there are opportunities around.
at least. now my eyes are open.
good night world! big hug to you!
i forgot to write about what i learned from the clp yesterday, but i think it is relevant. we were sharing about loving your neighbor, and i was talking about how difficult i found it for me to love the poor. i feel like they weren't doing enough to help themselves, drinking themselves sick and having more children than they could afford to raise, etc, especially since that mishap we had with the drunkard last week. but then this girl started talking about how she read in the bible (in her own words) that no one said loving would be easy, because anyone can love those who are dear to them. even criminals do their vengeful acts because they love themselves too much, because they love their families, because they love their friends, so merely loving those we choose to love is not enough. oo nga naman. ang galing lang. it is true, and i should make an effort. the whole concept hasnt completely sunk into my brain yet, but at least the seed is there.
this evening, i was at a meeting with pyfp ncr because we were planning a project for nation-building. cant talk about it yet, but it makes me happy that were finally getting our feet wet at the very least. i really do pledge my commitment to this. it makes me happy that i can attempt to do my part.
i heard somewhere that the little trivialities (is this a redundancy?) are just colored bubbles. so lets just say that the whole depressing spell ive been through this week has been a bout with colored bubbles. lots of them.
i dont mind running into them i suppose. ill run OVER them. ahh. the smart way.
ive been thinking too that maybe God has heard some of my worries, or at least is listening in on my pity parties (although im the only one invited)...siguro he is fixing things so that i can begin becoming the person i want to be. i feel that he is. showing me that there are opportunities around.
at least. now my eyes are open.
good night world! big hug to you!
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
surprising.
somehow this week is better because of today. but i dont know why.
was it because of the clp? have i gotten my groove back?
and today didn't start out as fantastic ha. quite the opposite actually. but am today right this minute, while i'm typing this.
better quit while im ahead. good night world!
was it because of the clp? have i gotten my groove back?
and today didn't start out as fantastic ha. quite the opposite actually. but am today right this minute, while i'm typing this.
better quit while im ahead. good night world!
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
we're all just kids
i'm just a kid! and i shouldn't be afraid of a little rain. let's dance in it!
i will stop being sad now i think. so God help me. Ü
forever the bridesmaid, never the bride
why am i upset that im not part of the entourage? my flubber instincts are telling me that i should be happy this is true. this means that:
-->i dont have to try to lose weight to fit into a dress that i will never wear again.
-->i dont have to worry about tripping while walking down the aisle (which is very possible considering my track record)
-->i dont have to draw attention to myself looking like this.
on the bad side, does this mean that:
-->me and my friend are not as good friends as i thought we were
-->my dad made more of an impact on her life than i ever did (since he's a ninong)
-->i wont be invited to the wedding
-->i wont want to be invited (am i sourgraping?)
in an effort to make reason of everything else, ive been trying to come up with reasons to convince me to drop the chips! my shoulder is getting awfully...chippy?
-->i dont want to be married to the guy
-->i dont think foreigners are in my destiny
-->i love my friend to pieces
-->i do want to support her (and cant make sense of why im feeling this way)
-->im not a bad person.
but why do i feel this bad???
that is a shot of barbra streisand playing rose morgan (the ugly sister) on her sister's wedding day. her sister ended up marrying her first love. its from the mirror has two faces.
i feel so much like her! maybe, i have wedding issues, kasi i have this sinking feeling that i won't be married. i really really do. and it scares me. like God is telling me i have to steel myself for a life of singleness.
shiyet. i sobrang have to get over myself already.
oooh. just a thought. maybe the mirror has two faces because we choose which one we will be seeing. does it mean that? i almost never see myself the way i did before.
-->i dont have to try to lose weight to fit into a dress that i will never wear again.
-->i dont have to worry about tripping while walking down the aisle (which is very possible considering my track record)
-->i dont have to draw attention to myself looking like this.
on the bad side, does this mean that:
-->me and my friend are not as good friends as i thought we were
-->my dad made more of an impact on her life than i ever did (since he's a ninong)
-->i wont be invited to the wedding
-->i wont want to be invited (am i sourgraping?)
in an effort to make reason of everything else, ive been trying to come up with reasons to convince me to drop the chips! my shoulder is getting awfully...chippy?
-->i dont want to be married to the guy
-->i dont think foreigners are in my destiny
-->i love my friend to pieces
-->i do want to support her (and cant make sense of why im feeling this way)
-->im not a bad person.
but why do i feel this bad???
that is a shot of barbra streisand playing rose morgan (the ugly sister) on her sister's wedding day. her sister ended up marrying her first love. its from the mirror has two faces.
i feel so much like her! maybe, i have wedding issues, kasi i have this sinking feeling that i won't be married. i really really do. and it scares me. like God is telling me i have to steel myself for a life of singleness.
shiyet. i sobrang have to get over myself already.
oooh. just a thought. maybe the mirror has two faces because we choose which one we will be seeing. does it mean that? i almost never see myself the way i did before.
Sunday, May 09, 2004
where am i going?
my friend just texted me that she got engaged on top of a chocolate hill tonight. and that she's getting married july of this year.
i dont know how to feel. but im upset that my happiness is overshadowed by my own worries at my finding out about her engagement.
its begun. the slew of weddings will be arriving left and right soon. and i am still in the same place i promised myself id leave more than 5 years ago, when i believed college was the phase wherein i would reinvent myself...or in oprah-speak, become my best self.
6 years, and 53 pounds later, i am none the wiser. how can i be feeling this way again??? it makes me want to cry. my friend rhenee said (in an effort to comfort me) that "it's human to feel this way sometimes", but how can i be the most human person to keep on shooting myself in the foot, keep on making the same mistakes, till i'm so fat and heavy that i will not be able to lift myself from the slump ive managed to wedge myself into.
my mom keeps on telling me, "no one is going to want me being this fat". she keeps on telling me that everyone else is getting picked left and right of me because really, no one wants to pay attention to the fat girl. and i can rest assured that no one will. all this talk of marriage and engagements i suppose set off alarm bells in my head telling me that i was supposed to be someplace else when this happened. shouldve progressed farther. but thinking now, i think i am deeper in the shit ive begun from.
im ranting again. back to my old habits after all the hopefulness. i hope this passes.
but now, everytime i look in the mirror and see the fat girl staring back at me, i know my soul will feel the weight. and i will hear the bells ringing, and be certain that they won't be for me.
i am sad tonight.
i feel like i am going nowhere.
i dont know how to feel. but im upset that my happiness is overshadowed by my own worries at my finding out about her engagement.
its begun. the slew of weddings will be arriving left and right soon. and i am still in the same place i promised myself id leave more than 5 years ago, when i believed college was the phase wherein i would reinvent myself...or in oprah-speak, become my best self.
6 years, and 53 pounds later, i am none the wiser. how can i be feeling this way again??? it makes me want to cry. my friend rhenee said (in an effort to comfort me) that "it's human to feel this way sometimes", but how can i be the most human person to keep on shooting myself in the foot, keep on making the same mistakes, till i'm so fat and heavy that i will not be able to lift myself from the slump ive managed to wedge myself into.
my mom keeps on telling me, "no one is going to want me being this fat". she keeps on telling me that everyone else is getting picked left and right of me because really, no one wants to pay attention to the fat girl. and i can rest assured that no one will. all this talk of marriage and engagements i suppose set off alarm bells in my head telling me that i was supposed to be someplace else when this happened. shouldve progressed farther. but thinking now, i think i am deeper in the shit ive begun from.
im ranting again. back to my old habits after all the hopefulness. i hope this passes.
but now, everytime i look in the mirror and see the fat girl staring back at me, i know my soul will feel the weight. and i will hear the bells ringing, and be certain that they won't be for me.
i am sad tonight.
i feel like i am going nowhere.
Friday, May 07, 2004
day of hoping
today my ankle was stripped of its skin. it was my fault really. I just HAD TO wear my strappy new charade sandals with the pretty flower. so now i am limping. but the prospects the day brought were very hopeful i think.
new set of gift cheques from the group study thing. rustan's, here i come!
support from my friends!!! really teary-eyed. sipon na feeling tears din. hay. the joys of friendship. happy. i am.
the beginning (finally)of the PYFP project planning. a serious project thats simple and sustainable. i can hardly wait to put it into action. buti na lang nasimulan na!
and my foot, though still hurting, will walk again tomorrow. i promise to wear somewhat spa shoes. for the sake of my feet.
its another weekend and here i am again bringing more pain to my feet. as of today, i have 9 blisters on each foot, a stripped left ankle, and, and, low foot self-esteem.
i wonder if a pedicure does wonders for an insecure foot? maybe charm school for shy feet. hmm. maybe i am actually sleepy but dont want to admit it.
hmm.
yawn.
good night.
new set of gift cheques from the group study thing. rustan's, here i come!
support from my friends!!! really teary-eyed. sipon na feeling tears din. hay. the joys of friendship. happy. i am.
the beginning (finally)of the PYFP project planning. a serious project thats simple and sustainable. i can hardly wait to put it into action. buti na lang nasimulan na!
and my foot, though still hurting, will walk again tomorrow. i promise to wear somewhat spa shoes. for the sake of my feet.
its another weekend and here i am again bringing more pain to my feet. as of today, i have 9 blisters on each foot, a stripped left ankle, and, and, low foot self-esteem.
i wonder if a pedicure does wonders for an insecure foot? maybe charm school for shy feet. hmm. maybe i am actually sleepy but dont want to admit it.
hmm.
yawn.
good night.
Thursday, May 06, 2004
what a shitty turn of events
am so tired. i will just paste a conversation to explain what happened. here we go.
sophia: hi deng.
deng: sophie!
deng: so where were you last night?
sophia: i was at the precinct.
sophia: police precinct.
deng: WHAT?!!!!!!!!!??!?!!!
deng: WHY?!????
deng:
deng: oh no... sorry, i wasn't able to reply!
deng: should've called me.
deng: why??!?!? how??!??!
sophia: on our way home we ran over a drunk guy who was trying to kill himself.
deng: oh my god..
deng: sinong kayo?
sophia: me and my driver
deng: oh shit
sophia: we dont even know how it happened.
deng: pano niyo lam he was trying to kill himself
deng: ?
sophia: we were under the overpass and all of a sudden a man falls in front of the car on our hood.
sophia: the driver went into shock and i wasnt sure if scam yun tapos pagsakay namin sa kanya nanakawan pala kami or something.
sophia: but then i heard na umuungol yung lalaki.
deng: taong grasa?
sophia: we brought him to the hospital and then the doctors were trying to check if he had a concussion or delusional.
sophia: they were asking him questions, like "alam mo ba nangyari sayo?"
sophia: sabi niya tumalon siya.
sophia: from the overpass.
sophia: and he was very drunk.
sophia: so iba iba sinasabi niya.
sophia: pero yun yung consistent answer.
deng: golly
deng: and then??
sophia: tatag nga niya eh. siya nabalian lang ng daliri, yung buong harap ng trooper wasak.
deng: grabe what an experience..
sophia: i was at the presinto till 3am.
sophia: ayaw ng pulis pakawalan yung car kasi daw dapat may signed compromise agreement between the "victim's" family and us.
sophia: eh nagpapakamatay nga eh.
sophia: kasalanan pa ba namin yun? nakakainis.
deng: actually, kasalanan niyo lang ay... hindi siya namatay dahil sa trooper niyo. hihi
sophia: gusto kasi nila babayaran namin yung family tapos may parti sila. eh sinagot na nga namin pagpapa-hospital sa kanya. and medication niya.
deng: ay daya na nun!
sophia: kung ibang tao nga yun, inurungan na lang nila kasi mas mura magpalibing kaysa magpa-ospital.
sophia: walang hiya talaga mga pulis.
deng: so ano na?
deng: did your dad come pick you?
deng: dapat matakot sila kay ATTORNEY!!
sophia: yes, he did. pero kapal talaga ng mga pulis.
sophia: actually, siya na pinakausap ko kasi i didnt want to say anything that could be held against me.
sophia: feeling kasi nila magugulangan nila kami.
deng: ha!
deng: they didn't know you're a family of lawyers..
deng: geeeesh..
sophia: eh yung family ng guy nag-mamakaawa nga sa amin not to press charges kasi alam nila yung kapatid nila yung nasa mali.
deng: o yun naman pala e!
sophia: pinipilit kasi ng pulis sinagasaan namin habang tumatawid, eh even if ganun, siya pa rin yung mali kasi it was right under the overpass, we were beside the island next to the sign "BAWAL TUMAWID NAKAMAMATAY"
sophia: naghahanap lang talaga sila ng mapapagkaka-kitaan. on all counts yung tao yung nasa mali talaga.
deng: HAHA!
deng: natawa ko dun
deng:
deng: so.. ano yung last say?
sophia: but am still in shock. i will never forget the sight of a grown man going splat on our hood.
deng: who pays who? what happens to what?
deng: eek, was there blood?
sophia: we shoulder the hospitalization kasi wala pambayad yung family. they wont press charges (takot lang nila) and insurance will pay for the car.
sophia: i think kinukuha na ngayon pa lang at pinapa-tow na.
sophia: magkakademandahan na lang ng pulis if hindi pa nila pakawalan yung trooper.
sophia: bwisit talaga. this is the reality of how corrupt our policemen are.
sophia: shet deng. i dont think im going to drive for a while.
sophia: even yung driver hanggang ngayon nanginginig pa.
sophia: he thought napatay namin yung tao.
sophia: pero sad lang sobra, kasi in the precinct, may nakakulong na 2 tao.
sophia: bus driver and conductor.
sophia: nakasagasa din sila. pero namatay yung nasagasaan. press woman.
sophia: sabi ng pulis, labas daw yung brain. it was so sad kasi yung immediate family ng namatay came to get her personal effects, and it was just a mangled handbag. kawawa naman sila. am just thankful na yung sa amin nabuhay pa. and na at least, kami yung naka-tiyempo.
sophia: if iba yun, siguro pinatay na lang nila.
sophia: youre no longer there?
Yahoo! Messenger: flyt_dengue has logged back in. (5/5/04 8:50 PM)
BUZZ!!!
deng: i'm back!
sophia: what happened?
deng: sorry!
sophia: nakuha mo ba what i wrote?
deng: pc nag-hang
deng: which part?
deng: iababie: bwisit talaga. this is the reality of how corrupt our policemen are.
iababie: youre no longer there?
sophia: hmm...what was the last i wrote before that?
deng: iababie: i think kinukuha na ngayon pa lang at pinapa-tow na.
iababie: magkakademandahan na lang ng pulis if hindi pa nila pakawalan yung trooper.
iababie: bwisit talaga. this is the reality of how corrupt our policemen are.
deng: ano yung term sa pag tinatanggal yung balls nng guy para tumaas yung boses?
BUZZ!!!
sophia: castration?
sophia: tama ba?
deng: yes!!! THANK YOU!
deng: #
sophia: but if you need the term of a man who was castrated...its a eunuch.
sophia: its a man na pina-castrate ng king para siya lang yung pwede pumasok sa harem. kasi he cant have sex.
deng: why do you know that?
deng: galing ah
sophia: para siyang cat na neutered
deng: ooooooh...
deng: interesting, sohpie..
deng: cool info
deng:
sophia:
sophia: i read about it, and looked them up
deng: cool! cool!
deng: now that i think about it.... alam ko din yung eunuch!! world history 3rd year highschool!
sophia: see?
deng:
deng: what you doin?
sophia: me?
sophia: just online.
sophia: our pc is on safe mode.
sophia: its annoying.
haaaayyy. how twisted.
and i was just beginning to be happy about our clp in singles. God must really be testing me. Don't worry God! I still believe. Mwah!
sophia: hi deng.
deng: sophie!
deng: so where were you last night?
sophia: i was at the precinct.
sophia: police precinct.
deng: WHAT?!!!!!!!!!??!?!!!
deng: WHY?!????
deng:
deng: oh no... sorry, i wasn't able to reply!
deng: should've called me.
deng: why??!?!? how??!??!
sophia: on our way home we ran over a drunk guy who was trying to kill himself.
deng: oh my god..
deng: sinong kayo?
sophia: me and my driver
deng: oh shit
sophia: we dont even know how it happened.
deng: pano niyo lam he was trying to kill himself
deng: ?
sophia: we were under the overpass and all of a sudden a man falls in front of the car on our hood.
sophia: the driver went into shock and i wasnt sure if scam yun tapos pagsakay namin sa kanya nanakawan pala kami or something.
sophia: but then i heard na umuungol yung lalaki.
deng: taong grasa?
sophia: we brought him to the hospital and then the doctors were trying to check if he had a concussion or delusional.
sophia: they were asking him questions, like "alam mo ba nangyari sayo?"
sophia: sabi niya tumalon siya.
sophia: from the overpass.
sophia: and he was very drunk.
sophia: so iba iba sinasabi niya.
sophia: pero yun yung consistent answer.
deng: golly
deng: and then??
sophia: tatag nga niya eh. siya nabalian lang ng daliri, yung buong harap ng trooper wasak.
deng: grabe what an experience..
sophia: i was at the presinto till 3am.
sophia: ayaw ng pulis pakawalan yung car kasi daw dapat may signed compromise agreement between the "victim's" family and us.
sophia: eh nagpapakamatay nga eh.
sophia: kasalanan pa ba namin yun? nakakainis.
deng: actually, kasalanan niyo lang ay... hindi siya namatay dahil sa trooper niyo. hihi
sophia: gusto kasi nila babayaran namin yung family tapos may parti sila. eh sinagot na nga namin pagpapa-hospital sa kanya. and medication niya.
deng: ay daya na nun!
sophia: kung ibang tao nga yun, inurungan na lang nila kasi mas mura magpalibing kaysa magpa-ospital.
sophia: walang hiya talaga mga pulis.
deng: so ano na?
deng: did your dad come pick you?
deng: dapat matakot sila kay ATTORNEY!!
sophia: yes, he did. pero kapal talaga ng mga pulis.
sophia: actually, siya na pinakausap ko kasi i didnt want to say anything that could be held against me.
sophia: feeling kasi nila magugulangan nila kami.
deng: ha!
deng: they didn't know you're a family of lawyers..
deng: geeeesh..
sophia: eh yung family ng guy nag-mamakaawa nga sa amin not to press charges kasi alam nila yung kapatid nila yung nasa mali.
deng: o yun naman pala e!
sophia: pinipilit kasi ng pulis sinagasaan namin habang tumatawid, eh even if ganun, siya pa rin yung mali kasi it was right under the overpass, we were beside the island next to the sign "BAWAL TUMAWID NAKAMAMATAY"
sophia: naghahanap lang talaga sila ng mapapagkaka-kitaan. on all counts yung tao yung nasa mali talaga.
deng: HAHA!
deng: natawa ko dun
deng:
deng: so.. ano yung last say?
sophia: but am still in shock. i will never forget the sight of a grown man going splat on our hood.
deng: who pays who? what happens to what?
deng: eek, was there blood?
sophia: we shoulder the hospitalization kasi wala pambayad yung family. they wont press charges (takot lang nila) and insurance will pay for the car.
sophia: i think kinukuha na ngayon pa lang at pinapa-tow na.
sophia: magkakademandahan na lang ng pulis if hindi pa nila pakawalan yung trooper.
sophia: bwisit talaga. this is the reality of how corrupt our policemen are.
sophia: shet deng. i dont think im going to drive for a while.
sophia: even yung driver hanggang ngayon nanginginig pa.
sophia: he thought napatay namin yung tao.
sophia: pero sad lang sobra, kasi in the precinct, may nakakulong na 2 tao.
sophia: bus driver and conductor.
sophia: nakasagasa din sila. pero namatay yung nasagasaan. press woman.
sophia: sabi ng pulis, labas daw yung brain. it was so sad kasi yung immediate family ng namatay came to get her personal effects, and it was just a mangled handbag. kawawa naman sila. am just thankful na yung sa amin nabuhay pa. and na at least, kami yung naka-tiyempo.
sophia: if iba yun, siguro pinatay na lang nila.
sophia: youre no longer there?
Yahoo! Messenger: flyt_dengue has logged back in. (5/5/04 8:50 PM)
BUZZ!!!
deng: i'm back!
sophia: what happened?
deng: sorry!
sophia: nakuha mo ba what i wrote?
deng: pc nag-hang
deng: which part?
deng: iababie: bwisit talaga. this is the reality of how corrupt our policemen are.
iababie: youre no longer there?
sophia: hmm...what was the last i wrote before that?
deng: iababie: i think kinukuha na ngayon pa lang at pinapa-tow na.
iababie: magkakademandahan na lang ng pulis if hindi pa nila pakawalan yung trooper.
iababie: bwisit talaga. this is the reality of how corrupt our policemen are.
deng: ano yung term sa pag tinatanggal yung balls nng guy para tumaas yung boses?
BUZZ!!!
sophia: castration?
sophia: tama ba?
deng: yes!!! THANK YOU!
deng: #
sophia: but if you need the term of a man who was castrated...its a eunuch.
sophia: its a man na pina-castrate ng king para siya lang yung pwede pumasok sa harem. kasi he cant have sex.
deng: why do you know that?
deng: galing ah
sophia: para siyang cat na neutered
deng: ooooooh...
deng: interesting, sohpie..
deng: cool info
deng:
sophia:
sophia: i read about it, and looked them up
deng: cool! cool!
deng: now that i think about it.... alam ko din yung eunuch!! world history 3rd year highschool!
sophia: see?
deng:
deng: what you doin?
sophia: me?
sophia: just online.
sophia: our pc is on safe mode.
sophia: its annoying.
haaaayyy. how twisted.
and i was just beginning to be happy about our clp in singles. God must really be testing me. Don't worry God! I still believe. Mwah!
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
non-manic monday
My days since I've arrived haven't really been hectic. But I enjoy them just the same I suppose. Admittedly, I haven't been able to get a whole lot of my work done, and I've been really really slow in doing it. This annoys me, because I can't seem to get the things I need to get done in time. I'm not sure what my priority is really, work? the gym? My daily trips haven't been giving me much change. And they've cut a lot into my work time. It's really been a sacrifice going to the gym, and I guess am just depressed that I'm not really seeing results. But I suppose I'm not going to dwell on that. I pray that God gives me the strength to follow through.
Am trying to sit through one whole episode of Nip/Tuck. I find it so sad. But it's so real. And so depressing. Its whole thesis is about goes: "When you stop pursuing perfection, you might as well be dead." I saw how a plastic surgeon made a beautiful woman feel so ugly. I saw them change the face of a pedophile. It was unnerving, but even scarier, it was so realistic. I keep saying that. I suppose its partly because realities are scaring me left and right.
REAL THINGS THAT SCARE ME TODAY:
1.that we could elect yet another stupid president
2.that my dad could die because of his weight condition and hypertension
3.that i am actually sick of some incurable lung disease
4.that i will never become thin
5.that i will die an old maid
6.that i won't get into UP
7.that i am actually stupid and don't know it
8.that when people look at me, they are disgusted at how fat i've become
9.that my mom and i will never get to have the relationship that i wish we had
10.that my friends and i will drift away
11.that i will die not having fulfilled any of my big goals
12.that i will die young
13.that my brother will turn out to be gay
14.that my dad secretly thinks that i am stupid
15.that i am not destined for greatness of any sort.
I don't know what kind of hopeful thoughts tomorrow will bring. I just hope I can afford to make myself less scared.
On the brighter side, I am at least happy I was able to express my fears. I rarely get to. (Say what I meant to say, I mean)
Good Night!
Am trying to sit through one whole episode of Nip/Tuck. I find it so sad. But it's so real. And so depressing. Its whole thesis is about goes: "When you stop pursuing perfection, you might as well be dead." I saw how a plastic surgeon made a beautiful woman feel so ugly. I saw them change the face of a pedophile. It was unnerving, but even scarier, it was so realistic. I keep saying that. I suppose its partly because realities are scaring me left and right.
REAL THINGS THAT SCARE ME TODAY:
1.that we could elect yet another stupid president
2.that my dad could die because of his weight condition and hypertension
3.that i am actually sick of some incurable lung disease
4.that i will never become thin
5.that i will die an old maid
6.that i won't get into UP
7.that i am actually stupid and don't know it
8.that when people look at me, they are disgusted at how fat i've become
9.that my mom and i will never get to have the relationship that i wish we had
10.that my friends and i will drift away
11.that i will die not having fulfilled any of my big goals
12.that i will die young
13.that my brother will turn out to be gay
14.that my dad secretly thinks that i am stupid
15.that i am not destined for greatness of any sort.
I don't know what kind of hopeful thoughts tomorrow will bring. I just hope I can afford to make myself less scared.
On the brighter side, I am at least happy I was able to express my fears. I rarely get to. (Say what I meant to say, I mean)
Good Night!
Monday, May 03, 2004
suchan uneventful day
i cannot believe i spent the ENTIRE day sleeping. its so upsetting. i wish i had just gone to the office so I couldv'e gotten work done. canyoubelieveit??? me wishing i could've gone to the office so i could work.
but i really do wish that. So I spent the entire day (well, the part where i was up) reading Madame Bovary - or rather, attempting to read it again. I got to 30 pages in one sitting! aaahhh. i think this is good training for when im reading in law school (WHICH, i really really hope i get into. in UP)
GOD!!! please hear me out!
and also, i just might get my wish to go to Boracay or to Thailand! I just hope may matuloy.
But in the event na hindi, I have just decided to go to Cebu before the summer ends! ALONE! it just occurred to me that I'll get to see my friends there so it's all good. A beach adventure yet! Hmm...this makes me think that I can push through with my plan to explore more of the Philippines one island at a time...every month. Blog stalkers...join me! And ais, if youre reading, I would very much enjoy making life plans with you Ü
So there. My Sunday. And some of my future plans.
but i really do wish that. So I spent the entire day (well, the part where i was up) reading Madame Bovary - or rather, attempting to read it again. I got to 30 pages in one sitting! aaahhh. i think this is good training for when im reading in law school (WHICH, i really really hope i get into. in UP)
GOD!!! please hear me out!
and also, i just might get my wish to go to Boracay or to Thailand! I just hope may matuloy.
But in the event na hindi, I have just decided to go to Cebu before the summer ends! ALONE! it just occurred to me that I'll get to see my friends there so it's all good. A beach adventure yet! Hmm...this makes me think that I can push through with my plan to explore more of the Philippines one island at a time...every month. Blog stalkers...join me! And ais, if youre reading, I would very much enjoy making life plans with you Ü
So there. My Sunday. And some of my future plans.
Sunday, May 02, 2004
have i been busy?
i was so surprised to find out that my last post was april 20th pa. hmm. and its already MAY 1.
ahh. relief. the dreaded interview has passed, and i am still alive. i can only hope that i did well enough. in retrospect, here are the highlights of my interview:
--> me telling the panel that my favorite broadcaster was...GASP! Karen Davila. I couldn't think fast enough. (why didn't it occur to me to say Cheche Lazaro??? i think i really should attempt to watch more local TV...I hope to God ABS really did have a PIPOL special on her, so it would mean that I didn't lie. Hehehe. Lie through my nose.)
-->me fumbling around for coherent stuff to say and then just end the ramblings about ethics by saying....SO, I THINK IT MATTERS? (what matters? i don't know. i honestly forgot what i was saying midsentence. shiyet. buti na lang hindi na sila
nagtanong)
-->me giving the real reason why I should not be a broadcaster myself: (because i don't trust myself to not come out corrupted by such a dirty environment --- to which i was answered, "you have a lot to know about the law Ms. LEE")
-->me being commended as the "most humble interviewee I've come across in the 15 years that I've interviewed people", according to the Chairman of the Admissions board.
ahhh. if only i could remember everything. Then I could assess if I will indeed make it.
on a lighter day, I got to pretend I was "a pretty socialite who LOVVVEEEDDD to take care of herself" hehehe. what the hell do i know about taking care of myself? but here is what i did find out about me:
i do indeed qualify as a MAARTE girl. shiyet. because
--->i go to the parlor at least once a month
--->i go to the spa at least once a month
--->i get manicures regularly
--->i have 2 different shampoos and 2 different conditioners any given day
--->i have a slew of hair products and hair tools
--->i have a trunk of makeup
shit. when did this develop? oh well. its not so bad i suppose. but i never thought i'd actually transform into this kind of girl.
all this because i joined a focused group discussion for a tooth whitening strip, which i now am assigned to test. add to all my products. i dont know if it actually works, but it seems like it does. although, tooth whitening has never really been a priority of mine. i wouldnt spend for it. so its good that im getting it free.
i miss shopping. the gift cheques at rustans that were given to me is actually burning a whole in my bag. but when? this week, ive been really working to finish my assignment by the 2nd week of may. and surprise of all surprises, i feel so at home at the office already, with the staff, and the lawyers, i really think this is where im supposed to be.
sana for real na noh? i mean, i hope i wont get some urge to get out and try some new career again.
singles clp is turning out to be well, uneventful. am i shooting myself in the foot again? i have to get this in check. and also, see if there are new clps in makati that i can maybe be part of or something.
aaahhh. this is what i hate. being being incoherent. this has to be corrected i swear.
and i am bored this saturday labor day. REAL BORED. shouldve made plans. note to self: NEVER FORGET TO MAKE WEEKEND PLANS.
ahh. relief. the dreaded interview has passed, and i am still alive. i can only hope that i did well enough. in retrospect, here are the highlights of my interview:
--> me telling the panel that my favorite broadcaster was...GASP! Karen Davila. I couldn't think fast enough. (why didn't it occur to me to say Cheche Lazaro??? i think i really should attempt to watch more local TV...I hope to God ABS really did have a PIPOL special on her, so it would mean that I didn't lie. Hehehe. Lie through my nose.)
-->me fumbling around for coherent stuff to say and then just end the ramblings about ethics by saying....SO, I THINK IT MATTERS? (what matters? i don't know. i honestly forgot what i was saying midsentence. shiyet. buti na lang hindi na sila
nagtanong)
-->me giving the real reason why I should not be a broadcaster myself: (because i don't trust myself to not come out corrupted by such a dirty environment --- to which i was answered, "you have a lot to know about the law Ms. LEE")
-->me being commended as the "most humble interviewee I've come across in the 15 years that I've interviewed people", according to the Chairman of the Admissions board.
ahhh. if only i could remember everything. Then I could assess if I will indeed make it.
on a lighter day, I got to pretend I was "a pretty socialite who LOVVVEEEDDD to take care of herself" hehehe. what the hell do i know about taking care of myself? but here is what i did find out about me:
i do indeed qualify as a MAARTE girl. shiyet. because
--->i go to the parlor at least once a month
--->i go to the spa at least once a month
--->i get manicures regularly
--->i have 2 different shampoos and 2 different conditioners any given day
--->i have a slew of hair products and hair tools
--->i have a trunk of makeup
shit. when did this develop? oh well. its not so bad i suppose. but i never thought i'd actually transform into this kind of girl.
all this because i joined a focused group discussion for a tooth whitening strip, which i now am assigned to test. add to all my products. i dont know if it actually works, but it seems like it does. although, tooth whitening has never really been a priority of mine. i wouldnt spend for it. so its good that im getting it free.
i miss shopping. the gift cheques at rustans that were given to me is actually burning a whole in my bag. but when? this week, ive been really working to finish my assignment by the 2nd week of may. and surprise of all surprises, i feel so at home at the office already, with the staff, and the lawyers, i really think this is where im supposed to be.
sana for real na noh? i mean, i hope i wont get some urge to get out and try some new career again.
singles clp is turning out to be well, uneventful. am i shooting myself in the foot again? i have to get this in check. and also, see if there are new clps in makati that i can maybe be part of or something.
aaahhh. this is what i hate. being being incoherent. this has to be corrected i swear.
and i am bored this saturday labor day. REAL BORED. shouldve made plans. note to self: NEVER FORGET TO MAKE WEEKEND PLANS.
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