when christmas comes by God's grace

christmas came to us by God's grace. that's what my dad said. we were all surely miserable christmas eve. i had spent the day lying on my bed, unable to go out because of the fumes coming from the paint and the varnish. i had woken up to my mother screaming at my door because of some unfixed stacks of paper (aka my cases) in the family room (which i have no idea why we call that since none of us really sits there) how can i possibly tidy up there when one whiff of the paint sends me into yet another coughing fit?

we had all agreed this year that media noche dinner would be spent at a hotel, either mandarin or shang for a change, since we were all too busy to cook and the house was in no condition to host a dinner of sorts, even if it was just the 4 of us.

my mother suddenly changes her mind about the hotel thing and decides we should eat at home instead. only half-a day before noche buena. my dad consoles me by saying he will buy all of our favorite takeout dishes (including roast duck and suckling pig, or s&r chicken and cake from hizon's) and simulate a cooked christmas dinner at home.

my parents arrived an hour before christmas mass 9pm (after spending the entire day at the hardware store and buying nothing but a fluorescent lamp), empty handed except for a small packet of birthday noodles and spareribs bought at the chinese resto right outside the subdivision. my mother is yelling at me to come down and set the table and for my brother to peel the potatoes because she is going to make nilaga (my dad's favorite christmas dish). and so we are all depressed at our christmas dinner prospects. birthday noodles and spareribs from the most ordinary chinese place in the world and 30-minute nilaga. i am grumpily taking out christmas placemats and my brother (bless his soul) is trying his best to cheer us up by making small talk. my dad is outside the house sitting on the steps and we are all sad and quiet. only my mom who is cooking nilaga is saying anything (as she is very pleased with herself for having turned us around and around the whole day with the changing of the plans, and even more pleased to realize that we are SAVING MONEY by not eating out at the hotel. when the time comes for us to leave for the mass, my dad says he no longer cares to change into his christmas clothes because he doesnt feel like it's christmas anyway. i try my best to look festive (though i feel like crap) and paint on my war face. we all leave for mass.

when we get to the church, we are all sad and despondent. there are no chairs available for us to sit together on, and that's just fine by all of us. i stand outside the church, and my dad stands even farther. my mom finds a chair alone. we don't talk or greet each other the entire time, not even for the peace-be-with-yous and i am decided that i will convert to some other religion (as christ did not come this year - how could he have when all this is happening?)

we do not even stay to greet the village friends and families. except for the melotos, which i tried my best to avoid. at our most dysfunctional family moment, i really did not care to see the filipino brady bunch nor discuss our pitiful christmas prospects with them.

we start with our christmas preparations. the nilaga is done, and though it was hastily prepared, turned out delicious. we transfered the chinese takeout into better serving platters, and my dad sliced excellente ham (the best kind) given by a client as well as the complimentary queso de bola. and we sit for christmas dinner. at first no one is talking, but the food is so good we can't help it. or maybe we are just hungry. even the fruitcake from the neighbor's house was extremely good. and so, even for the duration of the dinner, it felt a little bit like christmas.

christmas day was a little bit better. determined to spend it the way we had actually planned, my dad puts his foot down and tells us all we are going to makati shang for lunch. and it is fabulous, (how wonderful food is for making us talk to each other). i finally was able to eat turkey with gibblets and cranberry sauce AND stuffing, and all the desserts i could imagine.

another pretty prospect at this day was the cute guy flirting with me from across the table ( hihihi. it would be me without the cute guys would it?Ü)

in the afternoon, we all head home, and i spend the remainder of the day chatting with joanne, who decided to come over because of depression. we talk about old times, and look at old pictures of us in high school, and of us at my debut.

my friend zarah comes over a little bit later, and we just hang around as always. my day has already turned up, and it feels better, knowing christmas was spent with family and a couple of good friends.

and so, in my pretty room (WHICH, i fixed up myself during the day of the 24th), i decided i was going to pray to thank God for salvaging what was left of my christmas holiday.

madness

last night i had the privilege of attending my first ever malcolm madness shindig. (SHINDIG! so 50s??? i love love love the 50s now). and for one of the few times ever, i was thankful to not have a boyfriend. couples were asked to play a makeout game of sorts. it was our very own law school bacchanalia. making out on stage. licking ears and nibbling napes. gasp. i dont think i will ever have it in me to do that. but they were all good sports.

the malcolm madness, or what i had seen of it at least was okay. i missed the days when i could be in charge of a production. i sat there, an unparticipative audience member, conceptualizing all the commercials i could have produced and all the talents i could have invited. gosh. my masscomm self is dying to come out. it comes back from time to time (it was there at the christmas party at vps when we were watching the block video presentation) and it was there again last night. i miss producing events.

one thing i dont miss is being cranky. and lately, i feel as if i have been lashing out with my share of crankiness, and its been directed at my friends, so as a public apology, IM SORRY IZZY FOR LASHING OUT AT YOUÜ i just realized that i have. hehehe. baka kaya mas masungit ako. pero, really, (im referring to last nights ym conversation) dont worry about it too much.

hmm. news. today is zarah's first day back in manila. right now, i am in my dads office typing this out while i wait for her to finish checking in at makati shang where we will meet for lunch. i love shang lunches! hmm...this is going to be a good day i suspect.

i am excited for all the parties! yehey!

what are you excited about?

breaking point

its christmas break already, and much to my surprise, i have not yet reached my breaking point in law school. as a matter of fact, these few weeks of school in december have been fabulous. we had such a blast. and last night was no exception.

our block christmas party was really great. we had a decades theme, and everyone was in costume save for our honorable mr. olivar. i came in my gimmick clothes as my true self and mel and izzy were surprised to see me non-preppy, and to believe that those were actually my gimmick clothes. that white indian frock from terranova really worked itself out. i love it to pieces. if terranova goes on sale again, as a new year's resolution, i resolve to buy in all colors. hehehe. resolution ba yun?

back to the party. we held it at vp's swabe (according to mac) house. food was arranged by us, and we had our fill of fish, chicken aioli, beef and mushroom and eclair. of course my favorite swing was present. (i have yet to hatch a plan to steal it without the family noticing anything mwahahaha). we played games courtesy of group three where we were robbed of our legitimate victory at paint me a picture (we knew victor's spirit energized us). and we played charades boys against girls where we were robbed of a victory as well. the boys couldnt handle the pressure and declared the game over before we REALLY played. i think me acting out valiente and my group guessing it was a winner. also lorybeth's perfect strangers guess and rosanne's tanghalan ng kampion guess. hehehe. the boys won because of vp's shaider. bwisit na shaider yan. THAT'S WHY YOURE BURNING IN HELL WITH ANNIE'S UGLY UNDIES!!! we exchanged gifts (i love my monita, yes i do...) and i was referred to as sweet and won a MILK TRAY! all to myself! yay! and surprise of all surprises was, i sang! with a mic! GASP! you are probably gasping as i am gasping. i do not know what made me do it. but, i sang a total of 3 songs. tattoed on my mind with ron, and lisa loeb's i do and do you sleep with nick. my musical debut.

the conversations were warm too. and the company was good. it was fun. a good night. i came face to face with a painting i have long been coveting. they had it in the original. my dad would have loved to see it. grabe. i wish i could stare at it longer.

and now my eyes are drooping, and i am about to drool over the keyboard here in this dingy net caf. while i am waiting for the lantern parade to begin. but last night was great. this sem seems great. pondering over moments past and weird feelings. weird feelings. weird.

thoughts

i want to get married. i really do. in past posts, and in many conversations, it is something that i talk about with much fervor. i never said i never wanted to get married, and i don't think i ever will come to that point. unfortunately, it was with a resigned resoluteness that i said what i feared would happen: that my parents will not live to see me or my brother get married, for reasons independent of my will, or of his. it has always been my fear that when push comes to shove, and everyone else gets together, i will be the lone wallflower standing in the corner, AND THAT SCARES ME. because i dont want to be.

i want to be married and have children and live in a house and teach them to read and to sing and to make friends and to be good people. i want to make them experience everything that i missed growing up. i want them to make the decisions i never could make, never was allowed to make.

except that all my prayers for that seems to fall on deaf ears, and it sometimes feels like i am supposed to be asking for acceptance where i ask for romance, or excitement, or whatever wrong thing it is im asking for. and so, at times, when my head is unclear, i try to see if i can steel myself into believing that i can in fact survive a life alone.

i guess in times of independence and power-women, its hard to say you don't want to be alone without being judged. but here i am, putting it out unto the universe. i don't.

the weekend after...

this weekend was quite eventful. well, not really but it was full of something alright. crap. (literally and figuratively)

friday was eventful as it marked the end of an almost week-long celebration of all of my blockmates, culminating in an impromptu birthday dinner at the house of our blockmate vp (which mac calls a swabe house...god knows why). i sat on the pretty wooden swing and reminisced old unfortunate undergrad times in front of upsilonians come and gone. (all were in attendance at his bash) also reminisced of the day i was dragged by the swing and ate a lot of dirt. (an unfortunate memory as well). nearly lost my driver in a sea of short toothless drivers in ever gotesco and nearly fainted from hypertension and hunger looking for him. but i found him anyway and after the dinner, spent the remainder of the night at starbucks getting my track card punched with izzy.

i was food poisoned at the up college of law cafeteria. for all those up law devotees of albergus, beware of seafood based pasta dishes!!! mel and i were brave enough to try the bland pasta, and look where it got us??? bedridden for an entire saturday. feverish, and running to the bathroom every 10 minutes. i swear. and i was purple from trying not to puke. i dont want to get too graphic, though and will leave you with that mental picture.

sunday was more productive though, because i was able to go to a bazaar and explore the limits of the yellow peso (aka my cash capabilities. the gay people have pink so i must call dibs on the yellow), which, unfortunately, is not too much. but i believe i was able to buy everything for everyone at the christmas party on wednesday. trinkets and things. dinner at eyrie and again, getting my track card punched. yehey!!!

today, spent the whole day in school with kabag. hehehe. and i sacrificed a trip to go to PASIKLAB with the girlies. i really wanted to though. instead, went to casaa with tessa, leah, vanee and tere. it was a fun binge treat. i really honestly do want to read about the theory article so i can wow sison's socks off and finally get the recit over with. but i dont know if i can. sana. bahala na.

vacation is so near yet so far...

lost...but not so happy

i haven't slept for more than three days. i know i already look like a raccoon and my skin is breaking out. breaking out and peeling and the sides of my mouth are extremely dry. i have sores inside of my mouth and cold sores outside of my mouth. i think that this is the first time philippine weather has did me in physically. it is as if my body is attempting to complement perfectly the way i feel. i feel bad.

for some unexplainable cause? i don't know. if not for the cold weather, it is as if christmas were not on its way at all.

what do you do when you know so many things that you cannot tell anyone about? and the fact that you know of these things does nothing more than to shake your whole belief system and prove to you that your whole personality as you knew it was built on lies? how does one rise to the occasion on instances such as this? i feel so lost. things are no longer a party, and no amount of music or drama or ugly party wear on others can make it seem more so.

the first night i was up i couldn't stop thinking about how disappointed my parents would be that they would not be able to throw a wedding party of any sort for me, or relish at the thought of me finding the right person, or them having grandchildren. i have found that my calling in life is desolate permanent spinsterhood. and it is. i keep on going around in circles trying to answer for myself the question of when it will come, and the answer is always that it is not. this is the end of family as we know it. for me at least. for our lineage. but even so, even if the odds of making a good match (as jane austen so aptly put it) were more appealing for me, i am not more compelled to do so because all the married people around me have been showing me how horrible it is to actually get into. all the lying and the backstabbing and the pushing of buttons will drive you nuts. the children will just be madly confused at who to blame.

my brother is none better. and i will stop at that.

as my mom put it, we are such problem children. and bad as it may be, i cannot think of anything to be thankful for. i am sorry god. but are you coming?

a christmas miracle

yesterday, the students of block 1-b experienced a christmas miracle. No CONSTI today! and announced a day in advance! it was fabulous. some blockmates and i went to the world trade center bazaar in search of christmas finds for everyone. armed with only 350 pesos (minus the 25 for the entrance fee) i went around in search of cheap finds. found...miracle of miracles, MAC lipstick na 2 for 100. of course, they were from china, but they looked exactly like the real thing. that in itself was a christmas miracle. i hope it doesn't turn my lips black. but i tested it for lead, and it didnt seem like it had lead content. it was really fun going around trying to see how well we knew people and deciding on what we wanted to buy. and it really felt christmassy singing songs while walking (FALALALALA..LALALALA - only words we knew). and...i found a jacket similar to the one i had long coveted in H & M. except that this one was not $60. it was P280. YEHEY! fun fun fun. i think i shall have it altered a bit though. i will go back to find other things to buy for my dad's staff etc etc etc. and to whoever is reading this with a generous enough soul, i would love to have the starbucks journal. or a scanner. or a digicam.

memories

last night was a walk down memory lane for me. this whole weekend is, actually. was in greenbelt with my 2 best buds from masscomm, kris and kate. the trio was ressurrected for a brief moment. i thought we would be up to our usual antics, (kris was, actually), but we ended up just comparing notes and being quiet with each other for sometime. actually, i was quiet for the most part, because i could see in kris the life i had passed up now that i am in law school.

fyi, for those of you who do not know kris, she is my bestest college bud. kris and i began working at the same time, doing the same kind of work, with the same job description for competitor companies. I was a media buyer at starcommedia and she was a media planner at universal mccann. the big difference there is she chose to stay and i left.

kris is living it up in makati. a nice job, a nice condo, and rooming in with a girl and 2 guys. she miraculously became a vegetarian and has suddenly realized she is model material so now she is a pseudo-model being asked to go on go-sees and test shoots. she is dating a "mr. big" type guy who just fell over himself after seeing her from afar in italiannis and just had to come over and introduce himself. this is the kind of life i envisioned when i resolutely decided this time senior year that i would not be taking the LAE just yet. i wanted to live it up as a gorgeous yuppie and find a nice gorgeous man to date who would see me from afar and fall madly in love with me.

and here i am in the up law library typing up my vicarious experience of the life i wanted to live.

last night we had dinner and saw bridget jones diary, and i almost cried because i felt like i was her. especially when she was talking to mark darcy explaining to him that at some point of everyday she will do something ridiculous to embarrass him because she will always be who she is: a girl who smokes like a chimney drinks like a fish and will always be a little bit too fat. and when she said that: i felt like my mind was being read. i, like her, had stumbled into the vip room looking for someone who would like me the way i am without having to fix me in one way or another. there, sitting between raya mananquil and boyfriend, and lucky manzano and date, i did feel like i had stumbled into the VIP room by mistake. luckily, no one asked me to leave.

i just came from the birthday party of the son of one of my masscom blockmates, tin tud, where i saw even more masscomm people and caught up with how they all were. they seemed suitably impressed to find out about me in law school (as everyone is when i am asked what i am doing and i answer i am a law student at the up college of law). but no matter how or by what stretch of imagination i try to see it, i feel as if i am being sucked more and more into this law vaccuum where my soul is slowly going and my personality is glowing its last few embers. a part of me wants to become kris. in all her makati-advertising world glory. a part of me wants to become jaja in all her showbizzy-happiness. and yet part of me seems content in the hope that maybe i (with my stereotypical law school gray slacks and cardigan as jaja so loudly pointed out) actually do belong in law school.

everyone seemed so happy with what they were doing. kai is with abs-cbn global and is dating every eligible guy in the network. jaja is doing fabulously with her wazzup wazzup stint as kikiam defensor-santiago and her axion commercials. isel is really happy and challenged doing research work in gma public affairs. mutch is all glowing with her account work for mccann and nestle. pia being gossiped about in abs because of her extremely good-looking boy in abs (yes, she managed to snag one of the last few ones who are straight, and whom kai has not dated yet), and tin looks impossibly happy with her little family. kate with her old-folks-married relationship with jas. everyone is happy and certain they are in the direction they want to be in. i wish i knew too.

but last night, as we were walking in sync, (ala the craft - me as neve campbell), scoping out the guys of greenbelt and gossiping with kris and kate, i felt like myself again. i wasn't sure if that feeling was more reassuring or disconcerting.

if we weren't in lawschool

the other day, mel and i got to talking about blockmates and what all of us would be doing if we weren't in law school. and we found a perfect one for my friend izzy (the most positive person anyone could ever hope to meet) which i promised to post here for her. so here goes.

if we weren't in law school...

...izzy would be a life coach. this is a career i wish i could afford to do. but izzy would be perfect for it. she could be the first one in our country! like those women in that show starting over. making the dreams of those too jaded to see come to reality. Isabel, the life coach.

...mel would be a top-notch journalist. you can see it from her work. she'd have like...a title. asia's writing gem or something like that. the christina pantoja-hidalgo of our generation.

...rosanne would be working for the government. on the track to becoming a cabinet secretary or something. and our country would be safe. she's so determined and diligent. our country would be in a good place under her supervision.

...tessa would be a big-ass executive for a multi-national corporation. i think she's not letting on, but she is one of the 2 people who know the secret formula for coca-cola - which came from the coca leaf and the cola nut. hehehe.

...leah would be working for the government as well. she's certainly trained for it (same course as sanne's, and diligent enough)

...eya would be a diplomat. maybe on the protocol team of the government. she's charming enough to entice our hostile neighbors to make peace pacts and the life. and chino is her secret weapon to win them over. the perfect son.

...elson would be working for accenture. or someother high-end techy consultancy firm. he's a good kid. and working alone in a cubicle would mature him up lots.

...carrie would be running her own business. that girl is lucky. and smart too. with that combination, i don't think any business would fail.

...mac would still be a lawyer. hehehe. i think that's all he's suited for. like, law is his priesthood.

...bj would be a pastor. and benj would be too.

...ron would be a full-time musician. he's really gifted. part-time musician, part-time literature professor. what a fun life.

...omar would be an executive heading an entire sales dept. that guy can sell just about anything. galing mambola. but really, he's the kind of guy you would trust with a purchase. maybe because he looks so wholesome. hehehe.

...vannie seems like she would make a good pre-school teacher. she has this aura that eases people. if i were a kid i would love to sit with her and color stuff.

...lorybeth would still be at P&G. the whole corporate world thing seems right up her ally. and sales. bagay talaga.

...len would be a fashion merchandiser. she puts interesting things together, and like me, is always on the lookout for cool new things to wear.

...gilbert would still be a physics professor, writing important papers. i think its so amazing that he can be good at both physics and law. his determination to succeed at both is something i really respect.

...rita would be an accountant. bagay yun kasi she's so reserved all the time. accountancy is a career that would allow her to make the big bucks without too much human interaction.

...marita would be senora mina, teaching advanced spanish. that and successfully married. the kind of woman who woule probably be in the society pages. she's always so poised and proper.

...jona would probably be a good economic adviser. i would trust her with our country's resources any day. magaling siya talaga. and masipag.

...nikki would be in a network, or in advertising. probably in client services. she's very machika. she would probably win the trust of the clients in a heartbeat.

...i think tere would make a good teacher. she discusses concepts very well and is always very personable. i would listen to her.

...i don't know nick well enough to see what he might be suited for.

...kc would be an accountant, because she already is, but like lory, would be well suited in a more corporate setting than just an accounting firm. i think marketing would be good for her too.

...justin would be one of those great professors that we only read about. tipong mr. hundert of the emperor's club.

...jok would be raking in the big bucks at a bigshot hospital in the states while shes studying to be a doctor. unang magiging mayaman sa amin.

...june would be in government i suppose. maybe in dswd. on the way to becoming the next dinky soliman.

...zang... i have to think about still.

...carlo already is an accountant. i think that he would also be a successful businessman if he wanted to be one. maalaga siya and takes notice of details.

...vp would make a great doctor. i know that he's already decided that he doesn't want to be a doctor, but i think he would make a really, really good one. he seems like someone who would have a great bedside manner if you were sick kasi he's mild-mannered. like my dentist.

...chicco would be in media. seems very right for media. ma-showbiz siya eh. to me he's like mori. very much so. as in. a mori in the making.


of course, i could very well be wrong. these are things that remind me of them. things i think they would be great at if we weren't in law school. i wish i'd get to know everyone better so i can make better judgments.

i sympathize

...with all the families who suffered from the storm, and for the families who will be affected by the incoming one. let us say a prayer for all the 407 (latest count) casualties of this disaster. this is the saddest ive ever been on a no-school day. i hope those who suffered didn't suffer too much. especially the children.

...with the family and friends of the amazing zenaida amador, my first and last theater mentor. the first one who actually thought i could act and sing if only to save my life. although my theater career was a short one, i learned a lot from her, and i too feel the loss of her death. in the words of bridget jones, "we lost one of our top people, our top person, really."

a new list of things i am super excited about

as everyone knows, i love love love making lists. and here is a brand-spanking-new one that i am dying to execute. despite the fact that christmas vacation is still eons away, i am terribly excited about finally getting there. i have just proved to myself that christmas is my most favoritest holiday ever. BREAKTHROUGH! i can almost never commit to favorites.

so here goes:

10. christmas shopping and gift wrapping

i love shopping! all the more for the people i love. and especially because i missed all the crazy christmas malling last year because i left for new york a month early. and i looove wrapping gifts. i can spend an entire day just wrapping. kaka-inggit yung mga gift wrappers sa rustans. all that ribbon! lovely.

9. decorating the house for christmas

i used to be like a month advanced, but now that i am in law school, our house is bare bare bare. thanks to ate marivic though (my protege) our christmas tree is its multi-colored presentable self. i don't see the christmas in the color-coordinated purple and pink, gold and silver, blue and green themed trees with poinsettias etc. what could be better than a green tree exploding with round multi-colored balls, technicolored stars, and shiney happy tinsel? NOTHING! our tree is the embodiment of christmas spirit and the craziness of the girl who first designed it. ah. our tree. an explosion of color and light. all 13 sets of 100 yellow lights on it. when i get my christmas wish (a fab digicam), i shall post pictures of it.

8. dressing up for the holidays

everyone knows i love dressing up. and what better excuse than the holidays? all the more reason to wear the fabulous frocks i have kept in hiding since i began gathering dust in law school. ooh! stilettos! coats! large earrings! makeup! I CAN'T WAIT!

7. playing christmas songs

i think i began last october. i am officially addicted to christmas songs. well, the ones sang by the ratpack and conniff singers at least. but believe it or not, i have one of unconventional christmas songs that has tracks by alicia keys, destiny's child, nsync, and GASP! britney spears, etc. all this holiday cheer is beginning to get to my ears. and anyway, she was asking santa for a boy. i can feel the similarity. i think, since october, i have managed to make 3 christmas cds. and on the way to finishing a 4th one.

6. seeing the christmas displays

i think this is the effect of many many christmases spent watching the COD mannequins roll around on the mall rooftop. but there's nothing that says christmas is here more than driving around ayala avenue and seeing all the buildings all decked out. another good drive is through AYALA alabang (good carolling site too) and corinthian gardens. but AYALA ave. rocks. also, people watching on a bench somewhere in greenbelt seems good too. watching people with their shopping bags while you sit sipping coffee. fun!

5. grocery shopping for christmas goodies

i so enjoy picking out recipes and then buying them in the grocery. nothing makes you feel more domestic than going from aisle to aisle and back and forth trying to decide which brand will be more tasty, more christmassy. i love christmas food! hot chocolate and marshmallows! fondue! wow. all that chocolate. like a warm marshmallowey hug. i even enjoy the long lines. reading while waiting to get to the counter is so fun. or, catching up with a girlfriend or a cousin while waiting to pay. all that gossip and that exercise of lung power. hehehe. great for the legs too :)

4. cooking christmas dishes

of course, grocery shopping ticked off on my list, i love pretending i am julia child and coming up with some fabulous dishes in the manner of a cooking great. no blue soup here. (in memory of bridget jones). i think the fanciest christmas dish i have whipped up is pasta salad with crab, turnip, etc. with beef roullade stuffed with cream cheease and teriyaki sauce. it turned out quite nicely thank you very much.

3. eating christmas dishes!

i think this could possibly be the thing i am most excited about. i LOVE food! especially christmas food! i almost cried the first time i saw the purefoods christmas ham commercial early last november. and my GOD! bibingka and puto bumbong! its the real reason i get up for simbang gabi i think. (that, and the cute boy in my brother's choir. bygones)

2. opening christmas presents!

i know im officially old at 22. hell, i was old at 21. but it makes opening gifts all the more fun i think since the only gifts you get are from the ones who really mean a lot to you, and who REALLY know what you would like to get. no more generic barbie dolls here. exciting! i love picking out gifts for the people i love too!

1. finally getting to spend time with the people i love

...and haven't seen in a long, long, long time. one bright snowflake in the horizon is my good friend zarabeth's arrival on december 16. she's a good friend from canada who only gets to come home every christmas time. this season has special meaning for both of us since the last time we were together we were separated by a wall in the dengue ward of the FEU hospital, thanks to me, and to our healthy curiosity for everything south of the border. the AS 101 swamp mosquitoes really really got us good. and so, it was that christmas when we missed everything we loved doing during the holidays.

there are so many more things i love about christmas, but will reserve it for a different list i suppose. consider this my first official christmas post! YEHEY! cool!

sometimes i like it, sometimes i dont

its amazing how differently i can feel about my life from one minute to another.

last friday, my life felt like a winner. went through a week without getting called for recitation. ate with fabulous blockmates at the manila peninsula for their chocolate buffet. OOH. the chocolate buffet was fabulous. a long table filled with truffles (white, milk, dark, caramel filled, with nuts, etc.), chocolate souffle, chocolate bailey's tarts, chocolate crepes with chocolate filling, chocolate crepes with milk and chocolate mousse inside, chocolate cheesecake, chocolate fondue, ahhh. a happy happy death by chocolate. and the company wasn't bad too. ten of us happy campers (all girls + chicco and omar) trudged our way to makati for a night of indulgence. everyone around us thought we were delirious as we kept on mouthing our thanks to the heavens for such wonderful gastronomic delights. hehehe. all the chocolate made me superfluous.

but then, saturday came. while the midnight of saturday was still well spent watching the entire 2nd season of sex and the city courtesy of melissa, the day part bombed. a day spent at home. didnt even get to study. all the worrying got to me.

sunday wasn't all that good either. was forced to go all the way to laguna for a family reunion where long-lost relatives gawked at how horridly fat i had become. hmm. i wish i lacked the tact i had and just gawked at their misfortunes as well. it wasn't a good day. a reunion where all the reason you had for going was the food, and relatives in front of you watching every bite you put in your mouth as if they have never seen a hungry girl before in their entire life.

monday was terrible. the rain pooped on all of us. it sucked big time. i wasn't able to go to the coveted international bazaar (which i had waited forever for) and didnt get to do anything fun nor significant. sucks sucks sucks.

today was tolerable. lunch at likha diwa (a healthy albeit bad-breathy spread of brown rice and squid sisig) and walking back and forth from the OUR to vinzons to PNB to law. and back. curses.

but surprisingly, it was walking in the OLD UP that made my day. i felt like my old self again walking along the acad oval, under the big trees and feeling like i knew where i was going. it was good.